I'm going to break it down in this video, coming up.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a lawyer and a narcissist negotiation expert.
On this channel, and in these videos,
I give you lots and lots of tips, tricks and resources
on how to powerfully shift the dynamic on narcissists
so that you can turn the tables and actually,
finally, feel powerful against narcissists.
If that's something that you want to do,
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Okay, so I'm going to give you five reasons why
it is so easy for narcissists to con us
by the end of this video, so stay tuned for all five.
In his book, “Talking to strangers” Malcolm Gladwell
actually talked about this.
He cited a book called “Duped” by Dr. Timothy Levine and
he talked about how we are actually wired to believe people,
we are wired to listen to what people are saying and
take people at face value and
if we didn't, then society couldn't function,
we wouldn't be able to have an interaction with people,
like even just stopping to ask a stranger on the street
for directions or talking to somebody in the store and
asking them what aisle to find the frozen foods or whatever.
I mean, literally that's how society can function,
we are setup and pre-wired to believe people,
so, that is part of the reason why it is easy
for narcissists to con us because as a human race,
as people, we are set up to believe people,
we are pre-wired to believe people.
So, that's part of the reason why it is easy for them to con us
because that's how we are pre-wired and and predestined.
Okay, so part of it is, “Hey, that’s us as a human race” and
that doesn't make us bad people,
it doesn't make any of us naive or anything like that,
it just makes us human beings and
that's not necessarily a bad thing now, is it?
All right. That's number one.
Number two, and it goes into more specifics
about them, as narcissists.
They've been studying it, for years and years,
not necessarily you, but they have been studying
how to read people for years and years.
They know how to get what they want from people,
they know how to shift themselves,
how to become that chameleon,
to be exactly what they need to be, to be you.
They kind of mirror you.
That's something that narcissists do,
they kind of become you in a weird freaky way,
they study you, and they know exactly what to be for you and
that's all part of that love-bombing stage,
part of that beginning stage,
to how to set themselves up to be perfect for you,
at that idealization phase in the beginning.
So, they know how to read you,
they study you in the beginning and
that's why in the beginning you're like,
wow this person is so amazing, so incredible,
they're so perfect, and that's why it is so easy for them
to con us in the beginning as well.
So, that's reason number two.
So, I'm going to use an example from Dirty John.
So, I don't know if you have seen Dirty John,
it is the true story about a guy,
who conned a woman who lived in California.
They were dating.
It ended up being a podcast, that ended up being a movie.
It was a miniseries. I believe it ended up to be on Netflix and
you could certainly listen to the podcast version,
but I won't give away the ending. It was pretty dramatic.
But, basically, the guy comes along,
he presents himself to be a doctor and
he's wearing scrubs all the time and he's like,
leaving for work, and he says he's a doctor,
he says he's an anesthesiologist and
and he's extremely charming, he is good-looking, and
at some point, her daughter finds his diploma, and
in fact, he's not a doctor.
He's a nurse anesthetist and he says,
well, I am a doctor, but I am a doctor of anesthesia.
My level of education is a doctorate and
so, I am actually a doctor,
even though I'm not a medical doctor.
I have achieved that level of education and so,
you know, this is what they do.
They kind of like spin it around and it's like just enough truth and
so it's like just enough to sort of seem plausible
it’s sort of like a fish, it's just like slips out of your hand,
like you think you've got them and then there they are, sliding out.
So, it's like just enough truth to sort of seem plausible and
this is like a favorite kind of a thing that covert narcs do, by the way,
I did a whole video on this and
it's called “Seven Strange Behaviors” of covert narcs,
which you can definitely check out.
I really can't stand covert narcs because
I had to deal with a couple of them in my own personal life.
You definitely check that out if you'd like.
So, that's number three.
That makes it kind of easy for them to con us
as well because you kind of think,
you start to give them the benefit of the doubt,
you think, “Well, maybe they were just about to”
or “Maybe they did mean to” and
it's actually sort of a version of gas lighting.
You start to think, “Maybe I'm the one who's being a little too harsh”
“Maybe I'm overzealous with this thing”
You just start to question yourself on this and
they use these sort of tricks that
make you sort of question your own mind and
if that sounds familiar, by the way,
So, that's number 4.
Number 5.
The number 5 thing they do is one of the reasons why
it makes it so easy for them to con us,
is one of the things that my father used to say all the time,
This is something that a lot of narcissists
are really, really good at, especially,
your straight narcissists, not necessarily your covert narcissist,
but your grandiose narcissist says things with absolute confidence and,
my father used to say, whatever you say,
say it with authority and people will believe you and
they're really good at saying things with authority.
This is very effective, especially in negotiations, by the way, and
it's not necessarily a bad thing in negotiations.
This doesn't make it a bad thing.
But that's why a lot of times it makes it easy for them to con us,
Because they think say things unblinkingly unfailingly and
you believe them because they are saying it. Absolutely.
like it's not a lie, if you believe it, right?
I mean, sometimes you wonder
do they actually believe their lies?
So anyway, that is number five and if you are, by the way,
getting ready to negotiate with narcissists or with anyone,
make sure to grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
at winmynegotiation.com.
If you do want support,
please feel free to join me in my free private Facebook group at
“Narcissist negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
I will drop links to both of those below.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment, give me a “Totally” in the comments
if you've seen any of these, or any others,
I would love to know what other ways
you've seen narcissists con you, as well and
if you haven't subscribed to my channel, feel free to do that now.
Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am so glad that you stopped by this channel and
I am so glad that you are here.
Remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video.