- Introverts are more likely than extroverts
to struggle with a lack of confidence.
Just the fact that the world
seems to be more geared towards extroverts
can make it tough for introverts to feel confident.
So, what's an introvert to do?
Confidence is always a process.
How to be confident is not really a destination
so much as it is a continual movement.
And before we continue,
this video is sponsored by Squarespace,
the intuitive website-building platform.
Let's define confidence.
Confidence is, ultimately, a feeling,
which is important to note because it means
that you can't necessarily think your way into it.
Specifically, this feeling is of security, of being sure,
because you trust yourself to be confident
when it comes to something.
And that something can be very specific,
like you feel confident in your ability to cook,
or to tie your shoes,
or that something can be very broad.
And it's that broad confidence that I think we all desire,
the confidence to walk into any situation
and feel like we can handle it.
So, first of all, realize that confidence
and doubt, the lack of confidence,
those are just feelings.
Sure, yes, if you do not feel confident
in your ability to pilot a Boeing 747,
that feeling of doubting yourself is coming in very handy.
You probably shouldn't try to fly that plane.
Get out of there.
What are you doing?
However, many times, we doubt our ability to make decisions
or take actions that we are fully capable of taking,
like maybe you're going to a job interview
and you don't feel very confident
because you're not sure if you're a good enough candidate.
The job is something you could do.
You just doubt yourself because it's something new.
That's a situation where the feeling of being unsure,
of doubting yourself,
is not telling you anything meaningful.
It's just a feeling, it's not the truth.
If you walk away with nothing else from this video,
feelings aren't facts.
We often blindly trust our feelings
because they come from within us.
And so, they seem to carry this authority
and we need to listen to them.
But no, you don't.
Your brain is like your neurotic, negative friend
who is telling you that danger is around every corner.
It's trying to protect you
but it goes too far most of the time.
So, when you feel that doubt,
remind yourself that it's just a feeling,
it's just your neurotic, over-protective friend.
It doesn't mean anything real,
and just do what you want to do
without letting doubt hold you back.
Once you start to show yourself that you can take action
even when you feel doubtful,
you will feel confident.
Next, I think we should take a page or two
out of the extrovert's book.
Now, I'm not saying
that you should try to become an extrovert.
You can become more confident,
obviously, or I wouldn't be making this video,
but you can't really become an extrovert
if you are an introvert.
You're not just gonna like suddenly enjoy
socializing all the time.
You can, however, learn some of the things
that extroverts naturally do, or don't do,
which helps them to be more confident.
First, the biggest thing
is that extroverts are outward focused.
This is big, okay?
Introverts are inward focused.
When you are inward focused,
the spotlight is always on you, baby.
That can make you overly self-conscious.
And when you are very focused on yourself
in every situation and how you're coming off to other people
and wondering if you're gonna fail and embarrass yourself,
it just feeds very easily into the doubt.
Extroverts, on the other hand, they're focused outward
on what are they trying to accomplish in the world?
What are the people around them saying and doing?
What's the next new thing for them to tackle?
Extroverts just don't have as much time to get too doubtful
because they're focused on the outside world.
Part of that means when they fail at something,
they don't take a long time to focus on that failure,
because they just wanna move on to the next thing.
Introverts get stuck when they fail.
They wanna process everything before they move on,
which has its upside because it means they're less likely
to make the mistake a second time.
But the downside is that if you stay too stuck on it,
it can kill your confidence.
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And since we've stopped dead in our tracks right now,
let's support this channel
and see if YouTube would like to show a commercial.
Thanks for sitting through that.
And if you're enjoying this video, hit the like button.
If you're not enjoying it, stay tuned,
maybe you'll like the next part.
Now, when it comes to socializing,
this is particularly interesting,
because I think extroverts
either get less embarrassed than introverts
or they just move on from it much faster.
Embarrassing myself tripping over my words.
I, as an introvert, don't like talking much to people
because I'm worried I'm gonna embarrass myself.
And if I do feel embarrassed
during the course of a conversation,
usually over something small,
I'll just shut down.
Extroverts, I don't think they care, they just wanna talk.
They're focused on the other people.
So, to build your confidence as an introvert,
try to be a little more outward focused.
Rather than doubting yourself,
focus on the goal you want to achieve.
Rather than get stuck on a failure, pick yourself up,
and find the next thing to go after.
And in social situations,
focus less on yourself and how you're coming across
and focus more on the other people.
What are they saying?
How are they feeling?
What kind of interesting things are they doing?
How can you help them?
Next, introverts often suffer from being perfectionists
because of how inward focused they are.
Yes, they suffer.
And when I say perfectionism,
I'm not talking about making sure your beef Wellington
is cooked to a perfect medium rare before you serve it.
I'm talking about the kind of perfectionism
that stops you from doing anything
because you're so worried you're not gonna get it right.
Perfectionism destroys your confidence
because it raises the bar so impossibly high
that you feel like a screw-up, no matter what you do.
Then on top of that, you rarely actually attempt anything,
because you don't wanna do it imperfectly.
Don't be afraid to do a job or go on a date or make a speech
because you don't think you're going to be perfect,
'cause you're not gonna be perfect,
and that's okay, it doesn't matter.
Taking action, even if it's imperfect,
will build up your confidence.
Sitting on your hands
because you're afraid of being imperfect,
that will only build up doubt.
Next, own all of your actions.
Don't look to others to make decisions for you,
or to give you permission
for what you already wanna do anyway.
Your confidence will grow by leaps and bounds
when you make decisions on your own.
And don't be quick to apologize for your actions.
This is big.
I think introverts tend to wanna kind of stay out of the way
and that can lead to them to apologize
when they really don't need to.
And when you apologize all the time,
even if it's just kind of a reflex,
it's telling yourself,
"The decisions I make are usually wrong."
That is not good for your confidence.
So, if you find that you apologize like daily
and for little things like,
"Oh, sorry I got in your way for a second,"
or, "Oh, sorry to bother you.
"I just needed to ask which way the hospital is,
"because I'm bleeding out right now."
Stop, limit yourself to only apologizing
when it's absolutely called for.
Thanks for watching.
Watch this video next, I think you'll like it.
That's what I'm hoping.
And I'm hoping you'll click it.
I'm confident.
(giggling)
Yeah.
Check it out.