hey there this is clay with modern love .life and this is relationship inner game in
this video I want to explain a little bit about what your ex is thinking after
a breakup what your ex is going through what their experience is of you and what
they might be thinking about as the two of you are in the process of connecting
emotionally possibly getting back together or whatever first of all
understand that up to the point of the break-up your ex was probably really
wrestling with some feelings of their own you know should I stay should I go
we've been together for such in such amount of time it would be sad to just
throw it all away what if things change and all of that but there was some point
in time that they actually made this decision that hey this isn't going to
get any better we should just break up and after they made this decision a lot
of their choices are going to fall into line with what's called the law of
consistency that is to say they've made a choice they've drawn a line in the
sand they've planted a flag that says hey we're broken up and so you know they
may have even gone out and told their friends and family hey we broke up they
may have changed their status on Facebook or whatever hey we're single
now or whatever right and so as you try to interact with them as you try to get
back together with them you're going to be battling against this law of
consistency that's why your ex isn't just gonna change their mind on a dime
right they're not just gonna take you back the second that you apologize or
that you beg and plead or whatever they need to actually see some sort of real
tangible change to feel comfortable going back against what they did before
in order to go against the law of consistency your ex may feel a lot of
positive feelings for you but they're still fighting against this law of
consistency your ex may still be in love with you but they're still struggling
against this law of consistency and until you can make a great argument to
them emotionally not logically but emotionally they are going to be very
resistant towards the idea of getting back together with you and so what this
is really about it's about meeting them where they're at emotionally and helping
them go through this emotional journey getting back together with you we have
these five stages of getting back together that we teach in these videos
and over on our website modern love doubt life and what happens is as your
ex starts to move through this emotional journey of being very shut off towards
you towards opening up to you a little bit more towards you know opening up to
you even more towards being open to the idea of interacting with you being a
little bit more proactive and actually even getting back together with you your
ex is slowly starting to change their emotional state of mind right it's like
if you were driving on the street and you were going to do a u-turn there's
gonna be a point in time where you're going the same direction then you're
going this direction that you're going this direction then you're going this
direction then you're going this direction then you're going this
straight and suddenly you're going in the opposite direction
that's kind of what you need to do when it comes with your ex and when it comes
with the law of consistency and really getting your ex to do a u-turn with the
law of consistency you have to meet them where they're at emotionally and when it
comes to where they're at emotionally if there are very early on in these five
stages of getting back together they probably have a very high degree of hurt
a very high degree of frustration or anger even possibly even resentment
towards you for things that happened that led up to the break-up things that
happened before during or after the breakup and you have to understand this
can cause them to maybe wall you out a little bit maybe they only give you one
word replies or something like that and so what happens you have to meet
them where they're at emotionally you have to disarm the the concerns that
they're already having in their mind you have to understand what's going on in
their mind you have to directly address that more importantly if you understand
what's going on in their heart and you have to directly address that too but
you have to really focus most on the mind and the heart together because yes
your ex's emotions will drive their choices and what they choose to do or
not do but they also need a logical reason to
follow that up to explain why they did what they did right to say oh that's
right we got back together because it felt good and because she really changed
and because I saw a meaningful difference in his behavior right so you
have to really demonstrate and show your ex and give them trust and confidence
that they are not came back into the same relationship
that they walked out of in the first place this is the theme throughout the
whole five stages now if your ex is a little bit more towards the middle of
these five stages they're going to be kind of confused they're gonna waffle
around back and forth they're gonna say things like you know maybe we'll meet up
maybe we'll get back together in the future maybe you should just be friends
things that are kind of non-committal one way or the other or they might go
really far cold one way pull away or really far hot the next day say things
like yeah I was wrong we should get back together or something like that just
understand that that's what's happening because they are in the middle they're
confused that's where they are emotionally at there's a tug-of-war
happening within them that's part of them is saying you know hey let's get
back together the other part saying no let's we broke up for a reason the other
one is saying but yeah but I'm still in love with him breakups happen for a
reason once a cheater always a cheater all of that stuff and so there's this
really high degree of confusion happening in the middle what you want to
do is again meet them where they're at emotionally talk to their emotions and
give them some good solid evidence that they can log in their mind about why
things are gonna be different on the further end of this spectrum it may seem
like it's often easier but your ex is gonna be really fighting against that
law of consistency you know up until this point they they can kind of you
know how they sort of have plausible deniability
oh we're just hanging out oh it's just a text message doesn't matter oh we're
just friends all of that stuff but towards the end you know if your ex did
something like get into a rebound relationship with somebody new they're
faced with the real possibility of needing to break up with that person or
they're faced with the real possibility of telling their friends and family that
hey you know so-and-so and me were spending time together again
so-and-so and me maybe we're dating again maybe we're thinking about getting
back together again and they're not gonna want to go against this unless
they're absolutely very very sure that you are committed to having a strong
connection with them that you are committed to making the relationship
work that you are committed towards being their partner in the long run and
so what you want to do is you want to speak to that speak to that fear speak
to that still confusion and really let them know that things are gonna be okay
and let them know that you are really into them okay we've talked about this
in many of our other videos I'm not going to rehash this too much here but
that's kind of what your ex is thinking along this
spectrum and so I hope that has helped you out and if you would like to learn
more about how to move your ex along the spectrum how to meet them where they're
at motional and how to build high quality emotional connections with them
that really inspire them to want to get back together with you that really
comfort them and really help them to see that there is a better opportunity than
just breaking up and never talking to each other again
then please head on down below this video if you're watching this video over
on our website modern love dot life please go ahead and click the link below
this video that'll take you to a page they'll tell you more about how to build
high quality emotional connections with your ex through what we call advanced
relational skills okay these are these are skills that
really help you build an interpersonal connection with really anybody but
especially with your ex and they help you to establish a new kind of blank
slate that the - you can build a strong emotional foundation on okay again
that's down below if you're watching this on youtube you can go ahead and
click in the description box for this video and you'll see a link for a
website called relationship in our game if you click over on relationship inter
game - relationship in our game right and what you can do there is you can
basically fill out this short painless 30 second survey that just tells me a
little bit more about you your ex your relationship your breakup and all of
that stuff again totally painless shouldn't take more than 30 seconds and
once I know a little bit more about specifically what you're going through
I'll send you some advice tips and strategies that will help you to start
to understand what's going on with your ex and to help you start to build that
emotional connection between the two of you again wherever you are just go down
below this video and you'll find out the next thing to click on anyway this
has been clay with modern love dot life if you've enjoyed this video before you
go just go ahead and click thumbs up go ahead and subscribe to the channel and
please go ahead and leave a comment down below letting me know what sorts of
videos you'd like to see me make in the future but yeah this has been clay with
modern love doubt life and I hope this video has helped you improve your
relationship in your game