- What are some things that you can do
to ignite attraction in him?
It's easy to think that attraction just happens.
That chemistry just ignites on its own,
but believe it or not, as human beings,
there's a skillset to dating.
There's a skillset to helping ignite the attraction.
Just like someone can start a fire,
and with the right skillset,
they can start that fire way faster.
Yes, lightning can strike.
The fire can start on its own,
but if you know how to start the fire
you can start way more fires
and way larger fires with the person
that you want to date.
And today I'm gonna share with you
five secret ways to ignite his attraction,
and guess what?
Almost no one knows the last one.
Check it out.
(soft instrumental intro)
Hey there, my name's Matt Boggs and I'm the founder
of the Love and Relationships Division here,
at the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is to empower people
to create and live a life they love,
and that includes your love life.
So, if you like this video, I encourage you
to click that subscribe button
and click that little bell
because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
And today we're talking about how to ignite attraction,
and, specifically, five secrets that you can use.
And I call these secrets
because they're not entirely intuitive.
So, unless someone shares them with you,
unless you've already learned these,
then they're gonna be unknown to you.
They're gonna be somewhat of a secret.
And so, secret number one is to show interest,
and that's fascinating, isn't it?
Because so many of us has been conditioned
to play hard to get.
So many women have been conditioned to say
don't show interest because you're gonna then
kill the interest that he has for you,
and it's actually the opposite being true.
Did you know that 5% of men do 95% of the approaching?
5% of men are the ones out there
approaching all the women, doing 95% of the approaching,
which means the vast majority of guys,
95% of guys are the ones who are a bit more shy.
They're the ones who are not doing the approaching.
They're the ones who need the big green light
from you to come up and talk to you.
They're the ones that need a little bit extra
encouragement to know that they're doing a good job
and you like what they're talking about,
or you like the way that they're showing up.
So, know this, attraction is like a spark,
and the spark that catches fire,
and it needs the spark on both ends.
So, it can't just be him giving you the spark.
It needs to be you acknowledging
that you've got some spark for him as well.
And so, showing him interest, enough to let him know,
yeah, ask her out or ask out,
ask her out on a second date is essential,
and so, here's an easy way to do that, is compliment him.
Compliment him and challenge him at the same time.
And I'll share with you exactly what you can say.
So, compliment him on his clothes say, wow,
that shirt is really becoming on you,
or that shirt looks really sexy on you,
or wow, I really like that outfit,
like you're looking good.
Something that shows, hmm, you're attracted
to this guy or you like this guy.
And somewhere on the date, let him know that it takes
a really special guy to win your heart.
In other words, you're not willing
to just become exclusive with him.
He's got some work to do.
You gotta get to know this guy.
He's gotta earn the right to be your man.
That combination of you complimenting him,
showing interest, but challenging him by letting him know
takes a special guy to win your heart,
that is a beautiful contrast that creates attraction.
The second way to ignite attraction in him
is eye contact and a smile.
Now, before you roll your eyes on this one
because I know many dating coaches say this
but why do they say this?
Why do we bring this up?
Because it is often the most overlooked,
underutilized and proven way,
when I say proven, researchers have actually proven this.
When you gaze into someone's eyes
and you hold that eye contact with them
it actually conjures up biochemistry,
oxytocin gets released.
Our love chemicals get released.
In fact, science has proven this,
that when you hold gaze with somebody,
you gaze in their eyes, that it releases biochemistry.
Oxytocin is released.
Love hormones are released, and it actually helps you
fall in love with that other person
when you gaze in their eyes, and yet it's awkward.
It's uncomfortable to do that.
It's like, well, I don't wanna do that,
which is why so many people don't do it,
and so, my encouragement to you on this one
is exaggerate it because men, our ability
to read social cues is a fraction
of what a woman's ability to read social cues is.
Now, I know that's a big, vast generalization,
but I'm saying it to support you
because often what'll happen is a woman's like,
I gave him an obvious sign.
I looked at him, I smiled at him,
and the guy on the other end was like,
oh, she didn't look at me.
I thought she was looking at somebody else.
Like he's not getting your cues.
He's not getting it.
So, dial it up.
Imagine this.
Imagine you are teaching a four year old to read.
When you say, how long should I gaze at him?
How long should I look at him and smile at him?
Imagine you're teaching a four year old to read
and you're sounding out every word,
and you're like, and so you're looking
at him and you're smiling,
and you're thinking, I am interested in you.
(laughing)
And to the point where it's obvious,
where he can't mistake it, he can't deny it.
You are interested in him, that eye contact,
that gaze, will go a long way for igniting attraction.
The third secret for igniting attraction
is a bit counterintuitive.
Now, the third secret is confidence, but what's
counterintuitive is what people interpret as confidence.
The number one thing people interpret confidence as
is authenticity, when you're being yourself,
when you're just being you,
that actually comes across as confidence.
Confidence is not the facade of I've got it all together
and everything's always perfect, and this is amazing.
No, no, no, that's not confidence.
Confidence is you just being you, right?
And so, being cool is exhausting.
It's exhausting to try to put on that front
but it's exhausting to be
around people who are cool all the time.
You know what men want in a relationship?
Men want a best friend that they're sexually attracted to,
that they have a passionate relationship with,
like their best friend.
They can share anything with.
They can go do activities, fun things with
that they're super sexually attracted to, right?
That's like the best of both worlds.
That's what they want for lifelong partners.
And so, your confidence can be demonstrated
by you just being authentic
and being the quirky you that you are.
We all have quirks, right?
We all have that quirky side.
So, how can you show that?
How can you shine that, right?
How can you get your quirk on, get that quirk on?
Don't get the twerk on, get the quirk on.
(laughing) Right?
So, what does that look like for you?
How can you bring that forward in a more authentic way?
There is a woman that I coached who probably
had the quirkiest first date I have ever heard,
but she was a quirky gal.
She was a filmmaker.
She was a super creative.
And so, she ended up going out with this guy.
She wasn't herself.
She was trying to be cool,
trying to get him to like her, didn't work out obviously.
And so, in that breakup, her heart was broken.
She decided to make a movie to help heal her heart.
She made a movie about a little ant
that got his little ant heart broken
and then needed to go heal the ant.
She dressed up in an ant costume, made this movie.
Then in her dating profile put the picture up
of her in the ant costume.
(laughing) Talk about quirky.
You're like, okay, we'll see how this goes.
This is you like, shine it, get your quirk on.
And so, guy who reached out to her was like,
I think this is the coolest online profile
I've ever read in my life.
You made that movie?
I wanna see it.
She's like, you wanna see it?
He's like, yeah.
She sent him the movie.
This guy is also a filmmaker.
They totally hit it off.
Their first date, I'm not making this up,
the first date, they both dressed up in costumes
and went and hung out and laughed and had a ball
and just had a total blast of a time.
These are two amazing human beings.
They connected, they fell in love.
They got married all because she was willing
to work the quirk baby, get your quirk on.
And the fourth secret is be willing to receive help.
And I know for some of you, this is natural.
You'll naturally receive help.
You love receiving help.
For others of you, you're more interested
in proving your worth, proving your value,
proving that you're capable
than you are in receiving help.
And so, it's an interesting dynamic
because your man actually wants to serve you.
Your man wants to be needed.
Your man wants to help you.
And that desire to want to help you
doesn't stem from him thinking you're not capable
or not valuable or not worthy or not able.
It just comes from his own natural, masculine energy.
I remember dating this one girl
and I picked her up to take her to the airport.
She wanted to ride to the airport.
I went up to her apartment and she had her suitcases there
and she did one final check.
And I was like, all right, well, let's go downstairs,
and you want me to help you with these suitcases?
She's like, no, no, no, I got it,
and she kinda moved me out of the way.
Boom, boom, boom, boom,
grab both suitcases, hrrr, and walked down the hallway.
And I'm walking behind her empty handed
and she's like kinda boom, boom, boom, boom,
down the hallway and these suitcases,
and I remember thinking, man, what,
why won't she let me help her?
And she was very much in her masculine energy
and it was just deflating the attraction
in the relationship.
Remember, your man wants to serve you.
And so, create space, look for those opportunities
for how your man can serve you because you know that
by creating that space, it actually ignites the attraction
between you and here's number five.
The fifth secret for igniting attraction.
And guess what?
Almost nobody knows this one,
even though it's right in our face
and it's lead with an open heart.
And before you jump to the idea that, well, Matt,
I have an open heart and I'm this and this and that.
Let me tell you, after coaching women for over a decade,
one of the most common things that I see
is women consciously have an open heart,
but subconsciously they've got a shield
because they've been hurt in the past,
and they don't want to experience that pain again.
And so, they're walking around, they're dating,
but they're dating with this protective shield up,
saying, you know what?
I'm gonna date, but I'm not really
gonna open my heart until I know I'm safe.
And the challenge is love doesn't work that way
because if you've got a shield up,
then he can't really connect with you,
and often what happens is that you attract men
who like you, but you're kind of, eh, about them,
or you attract men that you really like,
but those men are unavailable.
They don't want a relationship.
And so, your result is that you never really
have to open your heart.
You never really have to get vulnerable or let a man in.
And this can be a challenging thing,
when you want to open your heart,
but you're scared to do that.
And so, I actually created an entire course
called Break Free,
how to eliminate the hidden love blocks
because oftentimes we don't even know that our heart
is closed or that we've got this shield up
until we really dig down deep
and find the places in us that are resistant
to really being in the relationship that we want.
So, if you're interested in finding out
if you've got love blocks, and if you do,
how to clear those out, I'm gonna put a link
in the comments or the description below, click that link.
It'll take you to a program called Break Free.
You're gonna explore that program.
You are gonna love it.
And let me tell you, when you do eliminate
those love blocks, when you do really open your heart,
you feel like you've broken free
because all kinds of amazing things open up in your life.
Men that you had no clue about end up entering in your life.
A whole deeper level of connection happens.
And so, check in, what is your degree
of openness in your heart?
If you want to ignite attraction
the more open your heart is with your man,
the more attraction he's able to both feel
and also give back to you.
So, there you have it, five secrets
for how to ignite attraction with your man.
My question for you is, what have you found
really ignites attraction when you're on a date
or in a relationship?
Go ahead and post those comments
in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)