WE'RE BACK HERE WITH OUR FRIEND JOHN
( BAND PLAYING ) ( BAND PLAYING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OLIVER.
JOHN, WE WERE TALKIN TALKING BEF GREAT YOU'RE ON THE GREEN CARD
AND YOU HOPE TO STAY HERE BECAUSE YOU HAVE A WIFE AND A
KID WHO ARE AMERICAN.
>> THAT WOULD BE NICE.
>> Stephen: THE PRESIDENT IS THIN SKINNED AND THERE'S A
CHANCE YOU MIGHT GET THE HEAVE-HO, THE BUM'S RUSH, THE 23
SKIDDOO.
>> A CHARMING WAY TO DEPORT SOMEONE.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
IF YOU WERE SENT BACK TO ENGLAND, WHAT'S HOME FOR YOU?
LONDON?
>> NO, I GREW UP IN A TOWN CALLED BEDFORD IN ENGLAND.
>> Stephen: NOT LIKE ONE OF THE BIG CITIES.
>> NOT A BIG CITY, A TOWN, BUT A SCRAPPY TOWN.
>> Stephen: SCRAPPY LITTLE TOWN.
>> YOU BACK IT INTO A CORNER, IT WILL SHOOT YOUR FACE OFF.
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT ABOUT YOU.
THAT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE WE LOVE SMALLER TOWNS HERE.
>> YOU DO.
>> Stephen: OH, WE LOVE THEM.
>> EVEN BRITISH TOWNS?
>> Stephen: I MEAN, SURE, BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE.
SURE, WHY NOT?
( LAUGHTER ) WE OCCASIONALLY-- WE LIKE TO DO
THIS THING CALLED "COMMUNITY CALENDAR" ON THE SHOW, WHERE WE
CELEBRATE SMALLER TOWNS, AND THE CULTURAL EVENTS THEY HAVE TO
OFFER.
>> HERE'S THE THING-- AND THIS IS AN IMPOSSIBLE REQUEST Q.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> I WOULD LOVE IT-- HAIL MARY POINT HERE-- IF YOU COULD DO ONE
OF THOSE ON MY TOWN BEDFORD, BUT FORGET IT.
>> Stephen: THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY WE COULD HAVE PREPARED
FOR THAT REQUEST, JOHN OLIVER.
>> CAN'T BE DONE.
>> Stephen: SHOULD WE DO IT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> CAN'T BE DONE.
>> Stephen: DO WE HAVE ANYTHING?
LET'S TRY TO DO IT.
IT'S TIME FOR "BEDFORD'S COMMUNITYICAL DAR."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELCOME TO "COMMUNITY CALENDAR,"
YOUR SOURCE FOR WHAT'S HAPPENING IN AND AROUND BEFORD-- THE
COUNTY TOWN OF BEDFORDSHIRE-- AND THE GREATER REGION OF...
I'M GOING TO SAY BEDFORDINGTON?
( LAUGHTER ) JOINING ME IS LOCAL BOY JOHN
OLIVER.
>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN.
THANK YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OR AS WE SAY IN BEDFORD:
"THANK YOU, STEPHEN."
THANKS A LOT, MATE.
THAT WAS NICE.
REAL NICE.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE ACTUAL EVENTS THAT ARE HAPPENING THIS
MONTH IN BEDFORD.
ON FEBRUARY 25, THE SHUTTLEWORTH AVIATION MUSEUM WILL HOST
A TALK ON FLYING THEIR AIRCRAFT COLLECTION.
IT'S PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO'S EVER WONDERED, "WHAT IF THE
AIRLINE ANNOUNCEMENT WENT ON FOR A WHOLE HOUR?"
( LAUGHTER ) >> ON THURSDAY THE 16th,
THE FOREST CENTRE WILL HOST "BADGERS IN A BOX," A CRAFT
SESSION FOR KIDS TO CREATE A BADGER'S HOME IN A SHOE BOX.
( LAUGHTER ) JUST IMAGINE YOUR PARENTS'
SURPRISE WHEN THEY FIND OUT THEY'VE LOST A PAIR OF SHOES BUT
THEY'VE GAINED AN ANGRY BADGER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: ON MONDAY.
FEBRUARY 20, AT MILLENNIUM COUNTRY PARK, PREPARE FOR SPOOKY
STORIES AT "GHOSTS WITCHES AND MEDIEVAL MAYHEM."
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN FOR A FRIGHT BECAUSE IT HAPPENS AT THE MOST
TERRIFYING TIME OF ALL: 11:00 A.M. ON A MONDAY!
( LAUGHTER ) YES!
THE WEEKDAY WITCHING HOUR!
>> NOW, FOR AN INTELLECTUAL OUTING, FEBRUARY 12 AT 12:30,
THERE WILL BE A PROFESSIONAL SPEAKERS SHOWCASE AT BEDFORD'S
PREMIER PERFORMANCE VENUE "THE PLACE."
SO, DON'T FORGET TO BE AT "THE PLACE" AT "THE TIME" FOR "THE
THING."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ON MONDAY, FEBRUARY
20, THE BEDFORD CORN EXCHANGE IS HOSTING IT'S CIRCUS OF HORRORS.
THIS YEAR'S THEME IS "THE NEVER-ENDING NIGHTMARE."
IT'LL LEAVE YOU WITH TERRIFYING QUESTIONS LIKE, "WHY DO PEOPLE
IN BEDFORD KEEP DOING HALLOWEEN STUFF IN FEBRUARY?"
( LAUGHTER ) >> IT'S A LEGITIMATE QUESTION
WITH NO GOOD ANSWER.
ON FEBRUARY 15, "READY STEADY ROLL" HOSTS A BOARD GAME NIGHT
AT THE BEDFORD PARK PAVILLION.
RELAX AND EASE YOUR MIND OFF THE STATE OF THE WORLD WITH FUN
GAMES LIKE "TERROR IN MEEPLE CITY," "SURVIVE: ESCAPE FROM
ATLANTIS," AND, OF COURSE, "PANDEMIC."
SO BRING THE KIDS AND TEACH THEM THE VITAL LESSON THAT SURVIVAL
IS JUST A ROLL OF THE DICE.
>> Stephen: ALL MONTH LONG, BRING THE KIDS DOWN TO THE
WOODSIDE ANIMAL FARM FOR CHICK AND BUNNY CUDDLING, AN
INDOOR PLAY BARN, OUTDOOR PLAY AREAS, CRAZY GOLF FUN FAIR
RIDES, TRAMPOLINES, AND A SANDPIT.
PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO GIVE YOUR CHILDREN A
COMPLETELY INNACURATE VIEW OF THE BRUTAL REALITIES BEHIND
MODERN AGRICULTURE INDUSTRY.
>> ON THE 25th OF FEBRUARY, THE FLITWICK CRICKET CLUB WILL HOLD
A SEMINAR ABOUT THEIR PLAYING GROUNDS.
YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS IT BECAUSE IN CRICKET, LAWN
MAINTENANCE IS GENUINELY THE MOST EXCITING PART OF THE GAME.
THE EVENT WILL HAVE PRESENTATIONS FROM LOCAL SEED
AND FERTILISER SUPPLIERS.
SO STOP ON DOWN FOR A LITERAL (BLEEP) SESSION.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THEN, ON FEBRUARY
22, HEAD TO ROGAN'S BOOKS FOR A CLASS ON UPCYCLED BOOK CRAFTS.
LEARN HOW TO TURN YOUR OLD BOOKS INTO FUN CRAFT PROJECTS, SUCH AS
DECOUPAGE, ORIGAMI, PAPER FLOWERS AND THE ART OF BOOK
FOLDING.
OR AS IT'S MORE COMMONLY KNOWN: CLOSING A BOOK.
>> IT'S AN ART IF YOU DO IT WELL.
NOW, SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26, BEDFORD CEMETARY WILL HOST A
PRESENTATION ON WORLD WAR I CALLED "THE GREAT WAR THROUGH
THE MAGIC LANTERN."
BECAUSE IN ENGLAND, IT SEEMS EVERYTHING MUST SOUND LIKE A
(BLEEP) HARRY POTTER TITLE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WELL, THAT DOES IT
FOR THE "BEDFORD COMMUNITY CALENDAR."
IF YOU'D LIKE ANY MORE INFORMATION ABOUT ANY OF THESE
EVENTS, JOHN OLIVER WILL GLADLY DO A 30-MINUTE DEEP DIVE ON EACH
ONE OF THEM.
>> AND WITH A (BLEEP) TON OF CURSING.
>> Stephen: THE NEW SEASON OF "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" WITH
THIS GUY BEGINS SUNDAY ON HBO.
JOHN OLIVER, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ISABELLE HUPPERT.