>> Stephen: FOLKS, ALL WEEK I'VE BEEN SHARING MY AMAZING TRIP TO
NEW ZEALAND.
IT FEELS LIKE I WAS THERE JUST YESTERDAY.
AND THANKS TO THE TIME DIFFERENCE, I THINK I'M STILL
THERE TOMORROW.
IT WAS AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE THAT WE CAPTURED IN OUR SERIES:
>> "THE LET'S SHOW PRESENTS, STEPHEN COLBERT: THE NEWEST
ZEALANDER."
>> Stephen: WHAT A WEEK IT'S BEEN.
PRIME MINISTER PICKED ME UP AT THE AIRPORT, I HUNG OUT WITH
XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS, I PLAYED RUGBY, I MADE A MOVIE WITH PETER
JACKSON, AND I GOT DRUNK AND FIST-FOUGHT A HOBBIT.
THE ONLY THING I DIDN'T FILM ON MY TRIP TO NEW ZEALAND WAS MY
ACTUAL TRIP TO NEW ZEALAND ON AIR NEW ZEALAND.
IN FACT, HERE'S ME IN THE AIRPORT WITH MY SLEEP MASK,
MY NECK PILLOW, AND MY CARRY-ON FULL OF INVASIVE PLANT SPECIES.
( LAUGHTER )
STARTING IN 2020, THEY'LL BE OFFERING NON-STOP FLIGHTS
FROM NEW YORK TO AUCKLAND.
WHICH REMINDS ME...
(AS PILOT) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS
YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
PLEASE REMAIN IN YOUR SEATS AS WE JUST HIT A SMALL PATCH OF
MILD PRODUCT PLACEMENT.
( BELL RINGS ).
>> STEPHEN WE HAVE SOME NEW ZEALAND FINE WINE HERE.
WOULD YOU LIKE THE NEW ZEALAND RED OR THE NEW ZEALAND WHITE?
>> Stephen: YES.
THANK YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MMM.
TRY THE ROSE.
( LAUGHTER )
EVER TO GET THERE, THE HARD PART IS DECIDING BETWEEN ALL THE
INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCES YOU CAN HAVE IN NEW ZEALAND.
TONIGHT, I PRESENT MY LAST AND PERHAPS GREATEST DAY: TRYING TO
HAVE EVERY EXPERIENCE AT ONCE.
JIM?
>> Stephen: NEW ZEALAND.
THE SMALL ISLAND NATION IS PACKED WITH A STUNNING VARIETY
OF LANDSCAPES.
NOWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET, CAN YOU SEE THE SOUTHERN ALPS,
ACTIVE VOLCANOES, BREATHTAKING WATERFALLS, EXPANSIVE GREEN
VALLEYS, REMOTE SANDY BEACHES, AND DAZZLING MOUNTAINTOP
GLACIERS, ALL WITHIN THE SQUARE MILAGE OF COLORADO.
I WANTED TO EXPERIENCE THIS NATURAL BEAUTY FIRSTHAND AND
HOPEFULLY UNTAP SOME OF MY INNER RUGGED MANLINESS-- BUT I'M NOT A
BIG FAN OF WALKING.
SO I MET UP WITH HELICOPTER PILOT CHOPPY, WHO TOOK ME OUT TO
EXPLORE THE MAJESTY OF THE SOUTH ISLAND.
WHY DID YOU WANT TO BE A HELICOPTER PILOT?
>> I STARTED FLYIN' AIRPLANES.
AND THEN I JOINED AIR NEW ZEALAND AND FLEW PASSENGER
PLANES FOR A WHILE.
LIKE, 55-Cs AND FOKKER-- FOKKERS, I THINK THEY'RE CALLED.
>> Stephen: WE CAN'T SAY "FOKKER" ON CBS.
>> IT'S GOT TWO "Ks" IN IT.
>> Stephen: OH, GOT TWO "Ks"?
WE'RE GOOD.
>> I MIGHT TAKE THIS LITTLE GAP ON THE LEFT.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
I TOLD CHOPPY I WAS UP FOR ADVENTURE, SO SHE BROUGHT ME
OVER TO THE KAWARAU BRIDGE, THE BIRTHPLACE OF BUNGEE JUMPING.
OKAY.
THAT'S THE BUNGEE BRIDGE?
CHOPPY LANDED ON A DIME, AND I MET HENRY VAN ASH WHO, ALONG
WITH A.J. HACKETT, PIONEERED BUNGEE JUMPING ON THIS VERY
BRIDGE.
THERE ARE NO NATURAL PREDATORS IN NEW ZEALAND, SO KIWIS BRAG
THAT THEY HAD TO INVENT THEIR OWN WAYS TO ALMOST DIE.
THAT IT?
>> HERE YOU GO.
THERE'S YOUR FUTURE RIGHT THERE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: AND JUST CARDS ON THE TABLE-- I'M NOT A HUGE FAN
OF HEIGHTS-- OR DROPS REALLY.
WHAT'S IT LIKE?
>> YOUR HEAD'S GOING TO BE EXPLODING WITH EXCITEMENT, AND
YOUR HEART WILL BE LEAPING OUT OF YOUR CHEST WITH-- FIRST OF
ALL, FEAR 'CAUSE YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY REALLY SCARED NOW,
WHICH IS NATURAL-- >> Stephen: YEAH, I AM-- I AM--
I AM SCARED.
I'M SCARED.
WILL SMITH WAS ON THE SHOW, AND HE BUNGEE JUMPED RECENTLY, AND
HE SAID, "I HAD TO DO IT.
I HAD TO OVERCOME MY FEAR."
I UPON GOING TO ASK WILL ABOUT BUNGEE JUMPING BECAUSE I'M GOING
TO NEW ZEALAND.
>> YOU HAVE, YOU HAVE TO.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> FEAR IS MAN'S GREATEST POISON... POISON... POISON.
>> Stephen: SO I HEADED TO THE BRIDGE TO FACE MY FEARS, AND
FEAR WON.
CHOPPY ANDY I HEADED BACK OUT TO THE WAKATIPU BASIN.
THE THING ABOUT NEW ZEALAND IT FEELS LIKE IT JUST ROSE OUT OF
THE SEA.
THERE'S SUCH VITALITY IN THE LAND.
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO STAY HERE AND HERE I'LL BE A MAN.
HOW MANUAL DO I APPEAR TO YOU, CHOPPY?
>> I THINK YOU'RE ON THE MANLEYER SIDE OF NONMANLY.
>> Stephen: I'M IDENTIFIABLY MALE.
>> CORRECT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> WE MET UP AT A SHEPSTATION, WHERE I MET JOHN FOSTER TO LEARN
HOW TO SHEER SHEEP.
>> LOOK AT THAT.
PERFECT.
>> Stephen: IS IT ALWAYS SHEARING?
OR DO YOU EVER DO, LIKE, BRAZILIAN WAXING?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: NO, NEVER WAX?
>> IT'S VERY HARD TO ACTUALLY GET HOLD OF THE WAX AFTERWARDS.
>> Stephen: OKAY, HOW DO WE DO IT?
>> SO WHAT I'LL DO IS I'LL START THE HARD LEFT.
WE'LL OPEN THE FLEECE UP.
AND THEN YOU CAN SHEAR THE LAST HALF OF THE SHEEP.
GIVE HIM-- GIVE HIM A HANDSHAKE.
>> Stephen: AH.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU LOOK FABULOU WITH AN IMPORTANT KIWI SKILL
SUCCESSFULLY UNDER MY BELT, WE HEADED TO THE RUGGED AND REMOTE
WEST COAST OF THE SOUTH ISLAND, WHERE I MET WARRICK, A
WILDERNESS GUIDE, LOBSTER HUNTER, AND I'M PRETTY SURE
TALLEST GUY IN NEW ZEALAND.
SO, WARRICK, I REALLY LOVE YOUR COUNTRY, AND I'M TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT WHETHER I COULD BE A KIWI, YOU KNOW?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
>> I'M A WILDERNESS GUIDE.
>> Stephen: A WILDERNESS GUIDE.
WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF IT HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TODAY?
WHAT ARE-- WHAT ARE WE DOING?
>> DIVING FOR RED ROCK LOBSTER.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO DIVE FOR A LOBSTER.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: QUICK QUESTION: ARE THERE SHARKS OUT THERE?
>> LOOK, THERE ARE SHARKS ANYWHERE IN THE OCEAN.
>> NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> I'M NOT TOO WORRIED.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO SHARKS EAT, WARRICK?
>> SEALS?
>> Stephen: OKAY.
THE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE IN THE FLIPPERS AND THE OUTFIT.
YOU LOOK LIKE A SEAL.
SO YOU'RE GOING TO GO OUT THERE LOOKING LIKE A SEAL IN
SHARK-INFESTED WATERS TO GRAB-- A SPINY BUG THE SIZE OF A
FOOTBALL.
AND THAT-- THAT'S A JOB THAT-- THAT PEOPLE HAVE DOWN HERE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I'M IN.
WHY DON'T YOU-- WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME HOW TO DO IT?
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: EXCELLENT.
PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT.
>> YUP, YUP, COME ON.
>> Stephen: NO, YOU GO ON.
YOU SHOW ME HOW, AND THEN I'LL-- I'LL BE NEXT.
YEAH, GO ON, MAN.
WHOO.
THIS IS WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
( LAUGHTER )
LOBSTERS IN SHARK- INFESTED WATERS, BUNGEE JUMPING SUDDENLY
SEEMED REASONABLE.
SO I SUCKED IT UP AND GAVE IT ONE MORE SHOT.
>> ARE YOU READY?
>> Stephen: YEAH.
I THINK-- I THINK-- THIS IS AS CLOSE AS I'M GOING TO GET.
>> I JUST NEED YOU TO PUT YOUR FEET HERE, SO WE CAN TIE YOU UP.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
I JUST THOUGHT TO MYSELF, WHAT WOULD MY GOOD FRIEND WILL SMITH
SAY?
>> YOUR JOB FOR THE HUMAN RACE IS TO CONQUER THE FEAR THAT
POISONS YOUR DREAMS, STEPHEN.
>> SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: LET'S GO.
OKAY.
>> THAT'S THE ONE.
>> STEPHEN, WE'RE READY WHEN YOU ARE.
>> Stephen: AM I THERE?
>> LITTLE BIT FURTHER, PLEASE, STEPHEN.
NEARLY THERE.
THAT'S AWESOME.
HANDS OFF OF THIS ONE.
EYES UP ON THE BRIDGE.
>> FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT REALLY LOOKS LIKE I JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE.
THAT WAS ACTUALLY MY SHOWRUNNER, CHRIS.
HE REALLY WANTED ME TO JUMP, BUT I REALLY WAS NOT INTERESTED, SO
I MADE HIM SPRAY PAINT HIS HAIR, DRESS UP LIKE ME, AND JUMP
INSTEAD.
YEAH, TO HELL WITH THAT.
( LAUGHTER )
TO THE SOUTHERN ALPS AND UP AND OVER THE RICHARDSON MOUNTAINS.
I SAID UP AND OVER!
OKAY, THIS IS WAY CLOSER THAN I WANT TO BE.
IS THERE SOMEWHERE IN THIS HELICOPTER I COULD CHANGE MY
UNDERWEAR?
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THERE ARE VERY FEW PLACES IN THE WORLD WHERE YOU
CAN STILL SEE THIS MANY GLACIERS, LET ALONE LAND ON ONE.
SO CHOPPY SET US DOWN FOR A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
CHOPPY, THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME UP HERE.
I MEAN, IT REALLY IS A PRIVILEGE TO SEE YOUR COUNTRY AND TO-- TO
BE AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD HERE.
AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT IT-- IT'S MORE THAN BEAUTIFUL.
THIS EXPERIENCE IS ABSOLUTELY SPIRITUAL.
WHOO!
( APPLAUSE )
CHOPPY, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN FLYING UP INTO THESE MOUNTAINS
WITH THESE GLACIERS?
>> JEEPERS, OVER 40 YEARS NOW.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE 40 YEARS AGO?
I MEAN, WERE THERE-- WERE THERE MORE GLACIERS BACK THEN?
>> A LOT MORE GLACIERS, AND THEY RAN RIGHT DOWN INTO THE VALLEYS.
BUT NOW THEY'VE RECEDED BACK, PIECES HAVE FALLEN OFF, AND THE
SUN'S HITTING THE BLACK ROCKS AND ACCELERATING THEIR DEMISE.
>> Stephen: IS IT BAD FOR ME TO BE UP HERE ON IT, BECAUSE I'M SO
SMOKING HOT?
( LAUGHTER )
RIGHT?
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: MY STARCH WANTS ME TO BUNGEE JUMP.
I GUESS THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT IF I DIE, NO ONE HAS JOBS.
BECAUSE WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME WHEN I BUNGEE
JUMP, CHOPPY?
>> I SUPPOSE IT WOULD HAVE AN EFFECT ON THE BUNGEE JUMPING
COMPANY'S BUSINESS FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
>> Stephen: COUPLE OF WEEKS?
COUPLE OF WEEKS?
REALLY?
THAT LONG?
TELL ME WHAT IT'S LIKE TO DO, BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY-- I'VE
ALREADY SAID NO SEVERAL TIMES.
>> WELL, IT'S SORT OF, LIKE, YOU DIVE DOWN, AND YOU'RE LIKE,
"NO."
AND THEN YOU FEEL THE RUBBER BAND TAKE YOUR WEIGHT, AND
YOU'RE LIKE "FOO-- FOO-- FOO, THAT WAS GOOD."
THEN YOU COME UP AGAIN, AND IT GOES, "WHOA-- OH-- OH."
>> Stephen: THERE'S NO PART OF THAT THAT SOUNDS APPEALING TO
ME.
WHEN I GET INTO-- SO YOU FEEL LIKE, "OH, I'M GOING TO DIE?"
>> CORRECT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
IT'S THE BEGINNING I'M AFRAID OF.
IT'S THAT FIRST STEP.
>> IT'S TERRIFYING.
>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY.
CHOPPY, WOULD YOU MIND IF I HAD A MOMENT ALONE WITH THE GLACIER?
I WANTED TO SAY A PROPER GOODBYE WHILE I STILL HAD THE CHANCE.
WELL, BRING A CAMERA.
IT'S A TV SHOW, COME ON.
AHHHH!
HERE'S TO YOU, OLD FRIEND.
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER, ON THE BEACHES OF OHIO.
( LAUGHTER ) (BLEEP)
>> FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
>> Stephen: YEAH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OH, MY GOD.
WELL, THAT'S A WRAP FOR NEW ZEALAND.
IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WITH THE NICEST
PEOPLE.
AND GRAVITY WORKS HERE, TOO.
WE'LL SEE YOU BACK IN NEW YORK.
KIA ORA.
THANK YOU, CHOPPY!
AND THANK YOU TO EVERYONE IN NEW ZEALAND!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DANIEL CRAIG.