It can keep us grounded, it can keep us out of important family event and a lot
of fun things that happen in this world. How do I overcome my fear of flying? Fear
of anything is your body's physiological response to a perceived danger. It's
developmentally appropriate. In fact, it's probably something that has allowed our
species to remain intact all of these years. Fear is an adaptive response when
there is a danger because it puts your body into what we call the
fight-or-flight response. Fight-or-flight response is simply a
chemical reaction that is triggered by the perception of fear. By chemical, I
mean there are chemicals and hormones and neurotransmitters and all kinds of
chemistry that's going on in your body all the time. Certain chemicals prepare
your body to either fight or get the heck out of there. The fight-or-flight
response. These chemicals are triggered when you perceive a threat. So, it's an
adaptive response and it's something that we need for our own survival. Having
said that, the limbic system in our brain which is where the fight or flight
response originates does not discern between threats that are real and
threats that are perceived. It sees them as the same thing. So, it kicks your brain
and your body into that chemical fight-or-flight response.
Regardless of whether you're actually in danger or you simply perceive danger.
I've taught in other videos as well that there are 2 aspects to fear. And a
quick review of those there's the brain response, there's the the mind response.
And your brain in your mind aren't the same thing.
Your brain is part of your body and we just talked about the fight-or-flight
response. It's a chemical triggered that happens through your brain and
physiology. Now, the mind is you, okay? It's the thinker, it's the agent inside the
machine. It's the observer. However you want to
categorize that. It's you. And you have a body, but you're not your body. So, we've
got these 2 components. The brain and the mind. To deal with any fear and
particularly with the fear of flying. Let's look at this for just a minute.
Because flying is something that's not natural for human beings to do. We
weren't born with wings, we invented them so that we could fly because it's
awesome. And a trip that used to take 3 months now takes a couple of hours.
And that's really cool. I am personally very grateful for this because I got to
get on an airplane just a few weeks ago and fly clear across the country for my
son's wedding. And that's all we did. And then we got back on a plane and flew
back home. Amazing that we can even do that. Fear of flying is one of the more
common fears that we experience as human beings.
Why? Because there is a perceived threat. What is the perceived threat? You could
die. Well yeah. As a matter of fact, you could. Now, what is the truth of air
travel and the risks and the safety or a relative danger of air travel? You're in
more danger driving to the airport than you are getting on a plane. That is a
true statement. Statistically, more people are killed in those car crashes than
they are in plane crashes. And given the amount of air travel that's happening,
the number of crashes, especially compared to car crashes, much lower. When
it happens, we hear about it. And when it happens it is typically very
catastrophic. It's not uncommon for example to hear of a plane
crash where there are no survivors. So, is there a threat? Is there a risk? Yes there
is. How high, how realistic is that risk? Well, that depends on who you ask. But for
the most part, statistically speaking, you're safer on a plane than you are in
a car getting to the airport. Now, what is our mind doing with this? From a mind
standpoint, fear comes from a "What-if" question. In the subconscious part of our
mind. Now, sub means below. Like subway or submarine. Conscious means awareness. So,
you're not necessarily aware of this what-if question that's coming up.
Sometimes, it'll come to the surface and you're like, "Well, what if we crash?" It's a
pretty good question. The problem is that your subconscious takes that what-if
question and gives you an answer to it. "Oh, that would be terrible, horrible. No,
get very bad. I can't handle that!" Really? You can't handle it? Just from a logical
standpoint, first of all, it's probably not going to happen. Statistically
speaking, you're going to be fine. What if it did? See? In your mind somewhere, you know
that it's a possibility. You know that this could happen. And so, it doesn't help
to just reassure yourself. "Oh, it's not going to happen. I'm probably going to be
fine." Yeah. Meanwhile, your subconscious is like, "Dude, you know that this could
happen." And you do so stop lying to yourself and saying, "I'm not going to crash.
You might." I know, that's probably not helping, right? When I say you might crash.
Well, it's true. And I'm not going to tell you a lie to say you're not going to crash.
You might. I hope you don't. That would be tragic. But you might. So, we got to answer
the what-if question a little differently. I actually got to experience
this firsthand recently. A colleague of mine had shared with me that he realized
as he was flying one day that if he were to crash, that would probably be a few
moments of sheer terror followed by lights-out. And it's going to be
pretty quick, right? Not a bad way to go, I guess if
you have to choose a way to go. But then he got another what-if question. What if
I... What if I survive? And then he's a professional speaker like I am and he
said, "My speaker fee triples. Because who wouldn't want to hear about that,
right?" You can use some humor and sometimes that's going to help quite a
bit answer the what-ifs. And here's the
answer we have to get to. I could handle that. So, I'm getting on a plane after I'd
heard my colleague tell me about my speaker fee triples, right? And I'm
having a moment of anxiety. Yeah, I get them too. I'm having a little... Just a
little flash of anxiety that says, "Oh, what if the plane crashes." And I'm like,
"Oh yeah, well it would be a few moments of terror and then lights out and that's
not a bad way to go." So, I guess I could handle that. "Oh, about what about my
family?" Well, answer the what if. What if I crashed? My family would be sad. They
would be. I think they loved me enough to be sad that I would be gone. Yeah, they do.
They would be sad, they would go through some difficult adjustments. They would
get the insurance settlement, some of them would probably be a little
glad that they got the insurance instead... I don't know. But I just went through it.
I answered the what-ifs in my own mind and I got to the point, "Here's the answer.
I could handle that." I could handle that. That's all you need to get to. On the
mind side of things. Let's come back specifically to the question for this
particular video. How to overcome fear of flying,
specifically. The only reason you'd even be interested in that is because you
have some good reasons to fly, don't you? It might be like me for my son's wedding.
It might be a family vacation. It might be for someone's funeral. Someone you
love. It might be because your spouse has been dying to take you on that vacation
and you've been hesitate because you don't want to get on a plane.
You know, who you are. You know what your reasons are. You've got some reason to
get on a plane. If your reason is strong enough, you will be able to overcome your
fear of flying through applying some of the principles that we've talked about
here on this video. You don't have to jump right into it. Because you know what?
Quite honestly, the best way to overcome your fear of flying is to fly. A lot. If
you're not ready to do that, start out with some imagery. Sit back in a chair
for example. Picture yourself in the seat of the airplane. As you do that, you're
going to feel a little bit of anxiety. Not a ton. But a little bit. As you feel that
little bit of anxiety, there's 2 things that I'm going to ask you to try. First, calm
the fight-or-flight response through slow focused breathing. I would recommend
in through the nose (*Inhales*) over inflate your lungs a little bit. Just stretch it. Check
for any tension. Out through the mouth nice and slow. Restrict the flow here
like you're blowing out birthday candles. You want to take about twice as long to
exhale as to do the inhale. Simple little brain hack that helps to calm that
fight-or-flight response. Do it while you're imagining being on the seat of
that airplane. We're going to the airport or wherever you know, it starts to
trigger your anxiety. Picture yourself there, do the breathing. Get yourself to
calm down a little bit, physiologically. And then, what are we going to do with the
mind side of things? Answer the what-ifs. See, if you can
identify them first. What if what? What if I crash? Okay. We've been over this, right?
The answer we need to get to is I could handle it. That's your answer. That is
true by the way. You could handle. Think about it. You've handled everything so
far in your whole life. Why would that change? You could handle it. What if I'm
dead? Oh, you could handle that. People are handling that all the time. And nobody
gets out of this alive. So, quit kidding yourself that you can stay
alive forever. There's a predictable exit strategy. Just saying. Get to the answer
that I can handle it. That's the quick easiest way that I know to overcome your
fear of flying or anything else. And as you work through those first steps then
you can imagine, you know, actually taking off on the plane. Well, that's going to feel
like go through the answering the what-ifs. Do their physiological calming.
You can actually do this when you get on the plane to go to that really cool
thing that's causing this dilemma in the first place. If you've got a strong
enough why, you'll figure out the how. I hope that helps. I can't tell you that
there is no risk to flying. There is. Just like there's a risk to everything else
that is worth trying in this life. There is a risk. Think about the last time you
got in your car. You know, as you... As you sit down in your car and then you reach
over and you do this little motion. What is that?
It's your seat belt, right? You're reaching over you're pulling the seat
belt and you're clicking it in on this side, why?
Seatbelts do not prevent crashes or accidents. They don't. What do they do?
They keep you reasonably safe when those things happen. It's a physical acceptance
of the risk. It's like signing the contract that says, "I acknowledge that
this is not completely safe." (*Click*) And I choose to do it anyway. I
don't know if you've ever thought that as you put on your seat belt.
You probably will the next time that you do. And you can use the same physical
contract as you get on the plane. And you reach over and you grab the seat belt.
And in fact, you know what? Seat belts are more useful in turbulence than they are
in crashes when it comes to airplanes. But you're still going to do it, right? In
fact, they go through the safety routine and show you how to run a seatbelt in
case you've been in a coma for 20 years. You're going to take that seatbelt and
you're going to click it together and snug it down against your hips. Why? Because
that's going to keep you safe? No, because you're accepting that there's a risk. And
you've got a strong enough reason to do it that you will accept the risk. Which
is minimal. We're going to minimize the risk. And we do this through all of the
safety regulations that planes men through. I cannot guarantee that you're
going to be safe. I cannot do that. And you can't either. So, let's set that aside and
accept the risk, (*click*) as we fasten up our seatbelt. And feel the fear and do it
anyway. I hope you found that video helpful. You know, sometimes it helps to
have a little additional support. And some people don't realize, I'm still a
practicing psychologist. I'd be happy to chat with you. Contact me through my
website drpauljenkins.com. spelled with a D-R. Fill out the little form there.
If I can be personally helpful to you, I'm down. Let's do it.