This video is a one-stop summary of the stories leading up to the music kit, the music kit
itself, some betrayal, and then a really wholesome bit about how it’s got us both back into
making music again.
It really seems like the music kit was a catalyst for this to happen, even before we knew it
was coming to the game.
Or, you know… heading for Source.
With my head, as the heading.
For the Source based music kit.
With hindsight I should have called it Heading 2 the Source to keep those Source 2 memes
alive but…
…maybe next time.
For those who don’t know, Heading for the Source is a music kit featuring a mixture
of my music, and my Dad’s.
I made it last year and it was added to Global Offensive just the other day.
It comprises roughly 50-50 between my songs and my Dad’s, and the tunes should sound
familiar to anybody who follows any of my channels, because I play them in the background
quite a lot.
So now seems like a good time for me to make a video talking about them.
I spend a lot of time interviewing others and researching topics that I don’t know
much about, so it’s actually quite refreshing to make a video about our music kit… which
I happen to already be something of an expert on!
To my surprise, last year wasn’t the first time I had made a music kit- looking back
through my records, it turns out I had quickly cbbled one together in 2016 for somebody who
asked for it.
Although… that attempt was a lot less thorough and contained a few tracks that you likely
wouldn’t know so well.
Yet it still had Atomic Amnesia as the bomb plant song!
And others have attempted a 3kliksphilip music kit as well, which has been fascinating to
look through, and they really reflect individuals’ tastes and what was popular at the time of
making them.
For the ACTUAL music kit, I did it properly in my usual style of making everything as
boring as possible.
I documented every song from every existing music kit in an excel sheet, noting their
length, their style and variations, and then I tried to make ones that were similar.
I prioritised songs that I thought would be best-known, rather than just me and my Dad’s
own personal favourites, and then we tried to fit them all into the music kit collection
where appropriate, length and theme-wise.
Had I made the music kit 3 or 6 years ago, the song choices would have been very different,
since over the years, the most ‘popular’ songs on my channels have changed.
Back in 2014 with the Going Low series, it used to be my Dad’s Synchobonk song, then
with my weapon showcase videos it was my ‘Crossing Those Islands’ one, and now, with my Case
Unboxing Millionaire series being a relatively recent hit, Atomic Amnesia has probably the
most well-known song for this music kit’s… era.
I tried to ask you guys which songs you wanted featured, to which the answer was clear and
predictable, so much so that I did an April Fools video on it, where I announced, per
public vote, that every song in the music kit would be changed to Atomic Amnesia.
Obviously, I wouldn’t really do that and I tried to feature an assortment of songs
from different eras and video series of mine.
For my Dad’s songs, I only had is old tape recordings to go on, whereas my songs could
be chopped and altered to better suit the situation, which did determine which songs
were used where in the music kit.
But we’ve tried to keep the split 50-50.
Trying to cram all our songs into a single music kit is sort of like trying to do a jigsaw
puzzle where there aren’t any real right or wrong choices, but it felt wrong until
I got it right.
One decision I remember making though, was that I didn’t want Atomic Amnesia to be
played on the main menu, which is where you might think it should be, what with its associations
with my case unboxing series.
Believe it or not, that series wasn’t made to encourage gambling, and I felt having it
play on the main menu where people unbox skins, gloves and music kits was sending the wrong
message.
So instead, on the main menu, you will get to hear the most peaceful and tranquil tracks
from myself and my Dad.
Just know that there is more to making a music kit than simply chucking a load of tracks
together- some need to be synced to others, and others do have time limits and constraints,
as I learned through the months of back and forth I had to get this music kit right.
I don’t know how much freedom I have to change it now it’s out- I obviously don’t
want to upset anybody who’s happy with it in its current state.
But I’m open to feedback about it, so if you do have any strong feelings or suggestions,
then do let me know.
It’s very hard to know what people think about it, because I only hear criticism or
general praise from individuals, but I don’t know how indicative that is to the general
populace.
I’ll probably end up doing polls or something like that.
But now, let’s get on to the stories leading up to the music kit.
My Dad’s tracks in particular have a long story to them.
Decades long!
My Dad’s songs were all made in the 80’s when I was very, very young -or even non-existent-
then they were stored away on tapes for over 20 years.
He loves his synthesisers and used to spend hours messing around with them, late at night.
Sometimes he’d lose track of time, and when he was finished he’d suddenly notice the
birds singing and that the sun had risen…
so I guess this is what people used to do before they had computers!
His songs were recorded onto cassette tapes, then stored away somewhere.
I went years without hearing them, with that nagging feeling in my mind that if I didn’t
do something about it, they’d be lost forever.
‘Pinion puller!
You seen a pinion puller before?...’
Around the time when I was at university, the internet was kind of a big deal and I
told him he should probably digitise them and get them out there, but I don’t think
he had ever intended for them to be made public and I’m not sure if he was comfortable with
the idea.
He tells me now it was that he didn’t understand the full implications of putting stuff on
the internet (WHO DOES?!), and was afraid of risking it with something as valuable to
him as his music was.
Though…
at the time I took that as meaning he was afraid of them being stolen or copied.
I recreated one of his songs from memory, and collaborated on a prank with my sister
where she left it somewhere he’d hear it…
‘Sounds like my song!’
…just to prove a point that, not releasing something doesn’t stop other people from
releasing the same idea.
It just stops you from proving you came up with it first.
ANY WAY.
Fast-forward to about 2014 and I finally got around to digitising them all.
I intended to make a video about it at the time to show the process- I start on many
projects that I never finish, but this is one unfinished project that I regret a lot.
I could never have foreseen where his music would end up, but with hindsight it would
have been lovely to document my documentation of his audio documentation.
At this point my Dad was still wary about publishing them online, so I did the honourable
thing by BACKSTABBING him, and using them in my videos anyway.
I suppose I did this because I could see more good coming of it than bad… and secondly
‘cos my youtubing videos needed backing music, and I needed some I knew wouldn’t
copyright strike me!
I didn’t realise the true power of association at the time, but… here we are now.
My Dad warmed to the idea of his music being heard once he saw so many happy comments from
people saying how much his music meant to them, and he’s had a soundcloud page for
years that he’s enjoyed keeping up with the comments on.
…But this whole thing has taken it to the next level.
My music story is… slightly different.
I was about to go to University, and I remember being up late one night, having just finished
the final Hitman Blood Money level and rather than going to bed, I decided to start making
a game of some sort.
It ended up being Jimmy’s Unlikely Resurrection.
‘EHEHEHEHHH!’
‘SO, you wish to escape from HELL, do you?’
‘Well, you’ll have to defeat me first!’
‘FIRE BELL!’
Before this point I had either used stock music, or had asked somebody I knew to make
some for me, but then I had a crazy idea: what if I made my own?!...
And I expected this to be a chore.
Something that I’d have to do to remain wholly independent when making my own games.
And yet…
I fell in love with it instantly!
I made my first song, called Jimmy 1.
It was rubbish.
But I was like… hey, that’s acceptable for the background of my game!
And then I made Jimmy 2, and I was like… this song is MUCH better than the first, and
quite catchy!
And then I made Ravein and thought ‘this one’s not bad either!’
I then made a few which weren’t quite so good, but that’s what your music making
journey is like: you improve, then plateau on that level for a bit as you explore and
experiment on that level before moving up further again.
I make a lot of things.
But of my hobbies, music is the purest.
I do it for myself and I love listening to it.
And I know it’s love, because I still love all my songs despite knowing how basic or
amateurish they are.
There is just something about having control over my song writing that makes each one something
I can listen to hundreds of times over.
Well, I say control but I have no idea where a song’s going to end up when I start out
on one.
I just go with what happens- which is the exact opposite from most things I do, where
I set out to make something and then am disappointed when it’s not quite like I expected it to
be.
So maybe I should apply my music-making to other hobbies as well: No expectations, just
joy of the journey.
It goes without saying that I can strongly recommend you try making your own music, because
it’s given me more joy per hour than anything else I’ve done.
And you have something nostalgic to remember it by, too.
So my music has mostly been made for me to explore… music making.
I’ve made tracks for games I’ve wanted to make, but since I never finish those, I
end up using them elsewhere instead.
That Going Low song was meant to be my attempt at a Deus-Ex-like game.
Crossing Those Islands was meant to be for an open-world, Jimmy-like game.
‘SUMMON THE BOUNCERS OF DEATH.’
‘NO NOT THOSE ONES!’
The Destruction Darius theme was meant to be for Destruction Darius 2, and so on.
So how about that- music intended for games, was instead used in videos, and now it’s
in a music kit that’s ended up in a game again.
Mission… accomplished?
And how does it feel to finally have the music kit added to CS:GO?
Well it’s quite nice- especially to see my name (and FACE) on Counter-Strike’s blog
page.
I suppose for me, this experience has been longer and more drawn out than for most- I
got the thousands of comments and majority of feedback on the kit when I first made it
last year.
And then, when I was contacted by Valve about it being added, that was an awesome moment
too.
I just couldn’t talk about it then.
So I suppose the big thing now is everybody else knowing about it, and me finally being
able to break my silence!
And obviously, the revenue we’re getting from the music kit is very nice as well.
Especially for my Dad, who I don’t think is used to making much money from the internet.
I’m getting imposter syndrome from this.
I suppose that, being a youtuber, that’s what I’m known for and am best at being,
and I worry that I’ll be expected to be THAT good at everything else I do as well.
I’ve gone from patchnotes reader to patchnotes maker.
But do I deserve it?
In my corner is the fact that my music has more to do with this game than most accepted
music kits do.
The songs featured in Heading for the Source have a very… unique association with the
game, and with Source, and with the community around it.
It’s very nostalgia-driven.
Most OTHER music kits though, make it to the game cos they’re good, standalone content;
an outsider can listen to them and think ‘yeah that sounds awesome, I can understand why
that was featured in the game’, whereas I don’t know what an outsider would think
of mine, when they lack the association and the familiarity with the videos and series
that these series are known from.
And remember: our songs were made for US.
Either for fun, or for some other purpose.
They were never intended to be stand-alone tracks, sold on their own merit, or listened
to by such a large and diverse audience.
They now exist to serve others, and it’s that which makes me nervous.
I look back at all those chances I had to improve those tracks and my general music
making ability and I wish I had taken them now.
But it is, of course, a wonderful thing for us to have our music published in CS:GO.
It feels like acknowledgement from Valve of our contributions to the scene, and seeing
other people using and enjoying the kit is the greatest complement we can receive.
The inclusion of this Music Kit into CS:GO feels like a very convenient end-point to
a music making journey that has spanned more than 30 years, tying together so many different
adventures and decisions which have all somehow lead to this exact moment.
If this was a movie or video of some sort, this is when the point where the screen would
fade to black, and it would say ‘the end’.
But this is life, and things carry on.
And here, the timeline gets a bit messy.
The Music Kit may have just come out, but it’s been over a year since I first made
it.
And, due to Valve Time, I’ve known about its inclusion in Counter-Strike for quite
a while!
But after I made it, and before I knew it was going to be featured in the game, there
was a period of silence.
So let me get this straight: I didn’t expect, nor feel entitled to get my music kit featured
in the game.
But…
at the same time, I was trying to find reasons for why it WOULDN’T be included.
I overthought things to a massive extent, and ended up asking myself:
Does Valve hate me?!
Have I done something to ban myself from their games forever?
Was it that fake report I made in Counter-Strike Source back in 2004?
Or was it that fight I got into with that power-hungry Steam forums moderator back in
2009?
Or do they dislike the fact that I’ve made a music kit with artwork that MOCKS their
beloved Source Engine?!
‘Achieved with SAUCE’
…No, it was Valve just being Valve, moving at their own pace and in mysterious ways and
all that.
But that delay was exactly what I needed to kick-start my music-making adventure again,
because it made me think…
am I really leaving my music’s future in Valve’s hands?
And I decided to take control of it again, by finally getting around to publishing my
music on Spotify and the like.
Turns out it’s a lot easier to do that than I thought it would be!
It was amusing that the moment this happened and my music was published, my description
on Google immediately changed to ‘musician’.
Turns out you can make 1000 videos, but stroke one cat and you’re forever known as a cat stroker.
After I had published all my songs and realised how easy it was to do so, I was like…
Dad, would YOU like to have your music published as well?
To which he was like…
…yes.
And it was THIS that has got HIS music-making adventure kick-started again!
I don’t know if he fully understood his music’s place on sites like Spotify, nor
what it really meant for people to listen to those songs.
But it had an impact: having his music finally out there and listened to in an official manner
is finally what got him into making NEW songs again!
He’s picked up a new copy of Cubase, got it all set up and running, and this has been
wonderful to see.
It’s what I remember him for when I was really young, and it was sad to see him stop,
and to see him sell off all his old synthesisers, and to say he’d get around to doing it again
one day, but for that day never to never really come.
He said he’d start when he retired.
Then he retired, and said he’d do it after a small break.
Now, years and years have passed, and I was starting to think he’d never do it again.
But now he has!
And to say he’s doing it fulltime would be an understatement.
He’s forever sending me new songs he’s working on, and telling me about his plans
for this album, and the next, and the one after that.
Some of the songs he sends me are great!
Others aren’t.
But that’s not really the point- the best thing about this has been to see his enthusiasm
for it returning- he’s a real example of how healthy it is to have a hobby that you’re
passionate about.
And it’s a real curiosity to see what he can make today, using modern tools.
Earlier this year, he released his first NEW album.
You can check it out here.
It was meant for last Christmas, but Dad-time happened, and he kept finding new things he
wanted to add, and bits he wanted to change.
Eventually, after lots of delays, we had a solid release date set: February 5th.
On February 9th, it was released, along with a youtube music video I had made with lots
of space fly-bys.
I’ve always loved the feeling of watching a video I’ve worked hard on premiere, and
to see hundreds of people talking about it live, and THIS was the video where my Dad
got to experience that.
And he loved it.
I think this was really when he finally discovered how great it is to be seen on Youtube.
And thank you to all 200 of you who watched it with us live.
That meant the world to him.
AND BEYOND!!!
Since then, he’s made almost 2 more albums.
As for my music making adventure: I still feel held up by my past.
Last year I made a new Atomic Amnesia song just to see if I could and I absolutely loved
it!
I promised myself I wouldn’t wear it out by over-listening to it… but I did.
But other than that, I haven’t really made any new songs in the last 10 years.
I’ve repurposed half-finished tracks from the past to be used in my videos, and I’ve
created snippets of new ones, but all this requires a lot more polish before it’s ready
to be released, and I don’t want to start on new stuff until this is done.
Youtubing takes priority but eventually -HOPEFULLY- there will be an album called Audio Crime
2, which will be full of all the songs you’ve probably heard in my videos but don’t know
where they’re from.
And then I can finally move on to making new stuff, and get rid of a folder that’s been
on my desktop for the best part of a decade.
Which will be nice!
And that’s caught you up to speed on the music that’s contained within this music
kit, and what we’ve been doing since.
Reflecting back on the journey to this point, it strikes me that there was never a master
plan.
I just made enough choices and decisions to eventually result in this outcome.
I can look back to the precise moment that I made the choice to make music in the first
place, or to make the Case Unboxing Millionaire series, or the music kit prototype.
For some reason, I remember those moments, even though at the time it didn’t feel like
I was making a particularly special decision.
In a day, you only do a tiny fraction of all the things you consider doing, don’t you.
And to think, all this happened because, in those few critical moments in my life where
I had a decision to make that would eventually lead me down this particular path, I chose
to do something, instead of nothing.
So having the music kit featured was a highlight for both of us.
But on the journey towards making it, it indirectly got my Dad back into making music again.
And that, to me, is just as big a thing as the music kit itself.
And it’s all because HE chose to do things, instead of nothing, at all those key moments
in his life.
I wonder how many creators of music kits and weapon skins have similar stories to tell.
To look at the decision processes that resulted in a featured item, and to realise how insignificant
all those choices seemed at the time.
Maybe it was done for fun, to fill an afternoon, or just to get rid of something half-finished
that they had on the desktop.
I bet there must be so many things that we’ve all missed out on from simply not doing just
that little bit more!
But we’ll never know, will we.
With hindsight, the only regrets I have are not doing things sooner, or making more decisions
to do things at the time.
It worries me when I see how unlikely it was that I arrived at this point.
So I guess the moral of this video is… do stuff!
It probably won’t be successful…
It might be.
But over time, the more you do, the more opportunities you may eventually open up for yourself.
And it might be THOSE things you can’t yet foresee which prove to be the important ones.
Prepare for them now by just… doing stuff.
Anything.
But not nothing.