- Hey, Anders Holmvik, welcome.
- Interesting name, are you Finnish?
- No, sir, I'm just getting started (laughs).
♪ You gotta ♪
♪ You gotta ♪ ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪
- Garcon (claps) (whistles), where is this guy?
- Yes, sir?
- Sir, I love this kid.
First of all, I'd like to see the chef face to face.
These are the best Cajun chicken niblets I've ever had.
- Yeah. - (whistles) Come on.
Also, we're gonna want to get dessert.
I'm wondering which wine pairs best
with the Oreo cheesecake?
- I wouldn't know that.
- You don't know?
Okay.
Perhaps you should send over the house sommelier.
- Greg is from Nigeria.
- No, I don't mean Craig.
I don't see how this helps us.
I just want cheesecake with a good wine.
- All right, let's skip dessert.
Just get some more drinks, huh?
- [Blake] Yeah, we got some celebrating to do.
- Indeed. - So Ders come on,
tell us what's it like to be on top of the world?
- Honestly this is great.
I feel terrific.
I look great.
Wearing a suit to the office.
No joke.
It makes you better than everyone else there.
- To our best friend who will never betray, ever.
- Let's talk business guys.
Are you guys familiar with vertical integration?
You've gotta look at your bottom line.
There's net and there's net, net.
Here's the thing, now that I'm in charge.
Get on my coattails.
You can't be messing around at the office.
I look at it this way.
Promotion, car, wife.
We're gonna change things up around the office.
I'm gonna let Alice know who's in charge now.
Let's keep things the same.
Oh my God, what is this?
That's what we call diversify.
Do you even know karate?
Get used to this. (burping)
(yelling)
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Can a mother fucker get their check please?
Who are you?
- You asked to see me.
I made your Cajun chicken niblets.
- No, no, no, you made my year.
You have a gift and the super dope hat.
This is cool.
All right, boys.
Let's go.
♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
- Anders, I got a mission for you, stretch.
- Ma'am yes ma'am .
- I'm sending you to the North Rancho
college job fair to recruit some new employees.
- Wow.
- Grab a couple of people to help you get contact info
on 100 people interested in working here.
- You've got it, I will assemble my team right now.
- Great.
♪ TelAmeriCorp, TelAmeriCorp, ♪
♪ Come make phone calls with me. ♪
- Come on and join the telemerican army.
Where the front line is the landline.
It's phones.
You just make the phone calls all day.
- Hey army man. - Yeah?
- You take requests?
'Cause I request you take that mic
and shove it up your ass. (laughing)
- Who are you guys, what do you got?
Oh, U.S Coast Guard.
Cool, I get it.
'Cause you guys coast on the backs
of the people who really guard our country.
(laughing)
Oh my God, dude.
Did one of you guys just fart?
'Cause it smells like salty dick.
(laughing)
Woo, I'm downwind.
You guys want to see my impression of the Navy?
(beeping)
And here's my impression of the U.S. Coast Guard.
(yelling) - You better watch your mouth.
- Okay, sign up, man.
Just need your name,
email, phone number and the stool sample.
Just kidding, I'm not the Coast Guard.
♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
This is Waller,
it's almost after dark and he's dressed like that.
You're asking for it.
Hey, why don't you losers try an organized sport for once?
Hey, slow down!
This is not the speedway.
This neighborhood is on lockdown.
Honestly.
Yeah, hello?
I want to report a robbery in progress right now.
Who am I?
I'm the God damn neighborhood watch.
Oh sorry, for legal reasons?
It's Anders Holmvik.
♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
(whistling)
- Ladies and gentlemen,
please put your hands together for the next
president of Rancho Cucamonga.
Anders Holmvik!
(cheering)
- Hello! - One more time.
- Greetings, my fellow Rancho Cucamongans.
My name is Anders Torfan Holvik.
I'm here to announce today
that because I am now 25 years young.
It's not old, it's young.
I'm therefore eligible to run for
city councilman dude.
And I'm going to do it. (cheering)
- [Adam] So proud, so proud.
- Not today, like, you know, maybe down in like 2016
I've gotta some student loans to pay off.
So get that out of the way
and then I'm going to be up in your grills,
asking for votes.
Okay, so consider this a warning
and here's a slogan it's you can always bet on Ders.
That's my name.
- Hit them with it, yeah, male demo.
Yeah.
- This is not the forum to run for city council.
- No, I know dude.
I said I'm gonna run.
We got a stickler, I'll get him out of office ASAP.
- [All] Vote or die, vote or die, vote or die,
vote or die, vote or die.
- Please leave, we need you to go.
♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
- Greetings earthlings,
Anders Holmvik, resident advisor.
- Hi, I'm Blake. - Blake.
- Sup, I'm Adam DeMamp.
- You play sports?
- Swim team. - So no?
- Sorry, that was a funny one.
- Oh yeah, that's funny?
You know what's not funny?
Burning alive in the middle of the night
because you don't know your microwave just caught on fire.
Microwave's not allowed in the dorm.
So I'll be taking this because I'm your RA.
- Hey, no, I didn't mean all that.
Come on man, just give me a break.
- There are no breaks, it's college.
Hey, hey, hey, cut it out.
Pull those up.
- I'm sorry, I was so close to finishing
when you came in initially.
- You're lucky I don't write you up.
All right, you two are on my S (bleep) T list.
And it's a short list.
It's too long, T, O, O, well, welcome to college.
- But that's my microwave!
♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
I found this stuff called niacin.
It's supposed to flush the toxins out of your system.
- I could start a fire, burn this place down.
One time when I was a kid, I literally did this
for like 45 minutes and I started a fire.
My clubhouse went up in flames.
Feel that.
- That was a cool dance. - Yeah, thank you.
What's your idea, dude?
You're gonna give some egg salad sandwiches
out of that little cooler?
- No, I was thinking maybe two tall glasses
of 100% clean urine.
- What?
- Yeah, I knew about the drug test
because they announced it two months ago.
Me being your friend, stocked up for you.
'Cause you guys are drug addicts.
But then you had to pull yesterday's little sexting prank.
And now I don't think you deserve it.
But I'll let you earn it.
- Name it.
- Bare with me here.
I thought about this last night.
- Eat this. - No thank you,
that is danger.
- Give me the damn tile.
- Okay, sure.
I really hate you for this.
- Enjoy that.
- And you know how this is going to feel coming out.
- Feast. - Probably not good.
- It's gonna make our butt holes bleed.
- Thanks. - Chow down.
(crunching) - Oh wow.
- That's a big first bite.
That's a really big first bite.
- It's so dry.
- It's like a mummy's dick.
- And this guy, you gotta catch up with your friend.
- You're a real son of a bitch.
- Speaking of ketchup.
Get the barbecue sauce on it, huh?
(gagging)
All right, you guys have had enough.
Why don't you just wash it down, champs?
- That's piss. - That's urine.
- We're not gonna drink piss. - No, thank you.
- No, no, no, this is Gatorade.
See that's what happens when you
mess with the mastermind of pranks.
- Okay, wow.
- You pull a prank on me.
You get pranked back.
All right?
Here is the real piss and it's all mine. (laughs)
It's all-- - Over your face.
What?