I love it.
Hi, my friend.
Oh, we're a little farther away.
A tiny bit further away.
That's OK.
Yes, but I'm so happy you're here.
It's great to see you.
I love you very much.
I was in the meeting this morning--
briefing on you.
Sure.
And your daughter Harper--
Harper.
--is 13 years old.
13 years young.
How is that possible?
It's not.
We redid the numbers.
No, she's 13.
But she's a very sweet girl.
She came in for Christmas.
Her voice just changed.
This is something new.
So it went from hey.
You know, little kids have the cutest voices.
Like Adam Sandler?
I do.
Uncle Adam.
She goes-- now she's like, hey, in LA is there any--
what's the CBD situation?
I'm like, who's this?
But she does have a deep voice.
I make fun of it.
It's very cute.
It just dropped a little bit.
You know, normal.
And now she's a smart kid.
Like you know, she came for Christmas and I was doing my TV
and she just goes--
And I go, no, it doesn't work because it's a new place,
and she just goes--
and then I give it to her and she's like beep bap boop, gives
it back, it works.
So then I go, oh, kids know.
So then I go, you know, my tranny is sticking on my car
if you could run out there and sort of get under the hood,
but I think it's more tech stuff.
Yeah.
So yeah, this is my 29th time by the way here.
I know.
You come like three times a year.
All the time.
I love that you've been here so often because we've
known each other a very, very long time.
I think I've known you longer than anyone in show business.
Wow, that's great.
That's a lot.
Yeah, because what we started--
Yeah, we started doing stand-up.
--in stand-up.
You were from the Bay Area, right?
I'm from New Orleans, but--
Yeah.
Yeah, out of-- yeah.
It's a connector flight.
But yeah.
No, I was-- you met me when I was living
in San Francisco I think.
But anyway--
Anyway, I have my daughter here.
Listen, Ellen, let me just tell this story.
So I had my daughter here and then
my mom-- everyone comes in for Christmas, which is so fun.
My mom who-- you know, moms are like this.
Whenever we go out, we have a little dinner.
If we leave the house then she goes, oh, pictures.
It's all it is.
And it's nonstop on a loop.
The worst pictures, by the way.
She has no idea.
So she goes, oh, waiter, who can take one of us?
And the waiter has like 18 plates and she'll go, please.
And so he's like [TAKES PICTURE] and then she's like, Oh, OK.
And then within seconds it's on Facebook, you know?
And I go, Mom, first of all, this
is the worst picture anyone's ever taken.
All six of us, the worst ever.
And she goes, no, it's a good one.
I go, but you have to tell us before you put it up.
She goes, no.
And I go, yes, you do.
That's sort of customary.
And it's all just--
it's blobs and shapes.
And her phone is covered in gunk.
I don't know why.
It looks like it's wrapped in a shower curtain
because it's a grainy shot.
I think the dog carries it in its mouth all day.
I don't know why, but I think that's what we've uncovered.
And so we have a horrible picture.
I go, this is the winner, Mom?
And she's like, it's got five likes already.
That's a record.
And I go, oh, that's pretty good.
And then she goes, we can always change it.
I go, throw a filter on.
Help me out.
She goes, just change it.
I go, it's posted.
When do we change it, Mom?
Do you understand how that works?
You can't-- it's over.
It's done.
That's hilarious.
So, bless her heart.
Does she stay with you?
By the way, first of all, two questions.
It's a two-parter.
Sure.
Does she stay with you when she comes to visit?
And are you still in that same house, or did you sell it yet?
I'm going to take the first question first.
I don't remember what it was, but it
was something about my mom.
She came out.
I lost it.
No, I have-- so my house right now--
my mom lives in a house.
Let's start there.
Because I know when I go back there
she makes me meet all the neighbors.
You ever do that?
When you go-- my mom goes, ding dong.
She goes, who's that?
And I go, who's that at your house?
I don't know.
She goes, you going to get it?
I go, do you want me to get your door?
OK.
And then I get it and she goes, it's the neighbor girl.
She made you a cake.
And I go, aw, why?
I don't know.
Answer.
And so I answer it and she's nervous.
She's like 10.
She goes, here.
I go, oh, that's so nice.
And then she goes, hug her.
And I go-- so I hug her and I go, wow, what's this cake for?
And she stands there and goes, because I'm on movies.
And my mom goes, I think so.
And she's so excited about everything.
So then she goes, oh, say something to her.
And I go, thank you.
She goes, say more.
And she goes, oh, and then the girl leaves.
She goes, when did you get like this?
Get like what?
And she goes, oh, who raised you?
I go, you did.
She goes, oh, I did a bad job.
I'm like, Mom!
You know how moms are.
She berates me.
But anyway, it's cute.
And then I made her come out to my new place and stay.
Oh, you moved?
You moved out of that--
Well, I have a place that's for sale now.
You should buy it.
You know what, I was thinking of moneybags over here
because I was like--
you know, she picks them up like seashells.
So I go, hey, grab my house out of petty cash.
Who cares?
Make it a green room, you know?
You got a couple of beans in your jeans.
I said, if you saw it, you'd be like, oh, that's a nice one.
Yeah, house-wise.
So you can snag that.
But I stupidly bought one first.
That's really not the way to do it.
No, you should sell first.
I should sell first and it's such an easy switch,
but I mixed it up.
And now I owe a bunch of money so I'm selling my house.
Well, you're going to sell it.
It's a good house.
But you know, they put it on-- they put it online sometimes.
Do you have a second?
What happens is I didn't know this,
but like they put it on Yahoo News or something
and people are like all looking at my house.
It's so weird.
You got people like, hey, I saw you
got a vase by your fireplace.
I'm like, why does everyone know everything?
So it's just definitely weird.
And someone offered to buy it but they said,
we'll give you half money and half crypto.
I go, oh, like bitcoins?
I say it wrong.
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
And the guy goes, yeah, we could throw in some bitcoins.
I go yeah, and I feel dumb if I don't but I
feel dumber if I do I think because they
talk about their magic beans.
He's like, I can get you some of that.
And I go, oh, what is it?
He goes, I don't know.
He goes, I can get you maybe a condo in the metaverse.
I'll trade you.
And I go, yeah?
And I sound like I know what I--
I don't really get it, you know?
And I go, on a good street?
He goes, yeah.
I go, is the street on my phone though?
He's like, I think so, yeah.
I don't even think he knows what he's talking about.
But anyway, I'll tell you more when-- let's go to commercial.
All right, we'll be back.
We're back with the hilarious David Spade, and you know,
I watched "The Bachelor in Paradise."
I enjoyed that show during the summers.
And I saw you were a host on it.
Ah, look at me go, yeah.
Fun.
Now, they shoot that where?
In Mexico, right?
I think so, yeah.
Well, that must have been a dream job.
It was and it wasn't.
It was fun.
I mean, I don't really interact with them much.
I just go there and stay at like a little house.
But the house-- forget about the show,
the house has crabs smothered in it.
I don't know if you've been to Mexico.
What happens is-- and I don't even love crabs.
They're fine.
I don't have a lot of interactions with them
in everyday life.
California roll maybe.
But other than that, it's just really--
first of all, they walk sideways,
which is unsettling to everyone.
No other animals do that.
Sideways.
And then when you approach them they go [INAUDIBLE] slice,
dice.
They're not friendly.
They're not fun.
They're red-- like a gross version of red.
And they always want to bite and kill you.
And there's too many.
And I'm saying like, Ellen, like you like nice things
and I like OK things, but it was too many crabs
per square foot in the house.
Forget about outside.
There were seven in my room at all times.
And I go to the guy, there's too many crabs in here.
And he goes, oh, there's crabs, yeah.
I go, but I don't think you get it.
I don't want him in the house.
He goes, oh, they're crazy.
These aren't answers.
Sweep them out.
And then there's this much underneath my door
so they don't even go.
They're like this.
Ya, da, da, da, da.
No one's stopping it, so he comes in
and they're really just spiders with good PR
to be honest because they're sickening.
But other than that, I did have a fun time.
The people are nice.
I like-- I always watch "The Bachelor,"
and so it was just really fun to be that
close to all the craziness.
Yeah, oh my god, but that's a lot of crabs.
I would think you'd have more lizards than crabs there,
but did you have the lizards as well?
No.
You know what I had?
This sounds crazy but they had a--
I saw a tail going up my stairs, a tail of an animal
because it was like outdoor up to my room.
And I go, hey, what's that?
There's a tail.
And he goes, oh, that might be a "hag-uar."
And I go, a what?
And he goes, "hag-uar."
And I go, you're not saying jaguar are you?
And he goes, yes.
I go, don't say it happy.
You should be like, yeah, it is.
I mean, it's a jaguar.
He goes, not too many.
Not too many jaguars in my room?
And then we find out it was a lemur.
If you don't know, a lemur is kind of cute.
But I go, oh, it's a lemur.
And I relax.
And then I go, hi, lemur.
And he walks up and he picks up two crabs
and goes [CRUNCH NOISE] He goes, you were scared of the crabs?
Dude, I'm next.
And I know where your room is.
Wow, that's amazing.
Yes, it is a jungle.
I had no idea.
It's a jungle out there.
Hey, let's talk about your podcast.
Yeah!
It's you and Dana Carvey called Fly on the Wall.
Dana Carvey!
Look at that.
Fly on the Wall.
Really two of the funniest people ever,
you and Dana together.
Fantastic idea.
Thank you.
And the first one was Rob and Chris Rock,
which I listened to.
And it's fascinating because all of you
had similar stories because of SNL and different things.
Yeah, it's sort of an SNL slant.
Like people know SNL over the years.
All of our guests will be like a writer or a music act
or a host or a cast member, so it's sort of a wide net anyway,
you know?
And we've had Tina Fey and we've had Tom Hanks and so
many people.
We did Conan today, William Shatner.
Anyone that's hosted.
It's just fun.
We talk about the show.
It's sort of inside baseball about before they got on,
after, what life is like on there.
So if you're a fan-- and it's really just jokes ahoy.
We're just trying to crack each other up.
It's great.
And I love you two anyway, so the two of you together--
Yeah, Dana's great.
And great stories.
And then you just finished-- you taped your first Netflix
special.
Where did you do that?
And when is it coming out?
In Minneapolis at the Pantages.
Great show.
It comes out probably April.
We have to cut out all the stuff that bombed,
and that'll take some real construction work.
Let's get on the hard hats!
So we're going to do that.
But it was fun, you know?
I haven't done one in a while.
You did one.
It was great.
And you're going to work on another one probably too,
right?
I hope so.
What is yours called?
Oh, it's got a couple of names cooking.
OK, you haven't named it yet?
I don't think so.
But Minneapolis is great.
That's a great comedy town, isn't it?
Oh, it's great.
If you haven't seen him live, he is hilarious obviously.
And anyway, check your local listings
if he's going to be there.
Check your local--
More with David after this.
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