-One of my favorite things, of course,
is sketches that are written that do not make it to the show,
-Oh, yeah. -And some of these ideas maybe
have not even been written. -Yeah, that's true.
-Do you have some favorites? -Even the ones that have been
written haven't really been written.
They've been like really, half thought out.
-What is the Rosetta Stone sketch?
-This was when Donald Trump hosted.
I pitched him an idea that he weirdly didn't want to do,
where he was the spokesman for Rosetta Stone Mexican.
[ Laughter ]
So he would teach you phrases you could say to someone
who was Mexican, like, "You're gonna build the wall."
-Oh, I see. -No -- no, usted are.
You know, whatever. -Usted are.
-What was heroin A.M.? -[ Laughs ]
-That was non-drowsy heroin.
[ Laughter ]
It was from the makers of cocaine P.M.
[ Laughter ]
And it was a sketch that was not popular in middle America.
-Some sketches are just good ideas and it's not even funny.
-Yeah, that's a great product. -That's just a good product.
-Yeah. -You want to take heroin,
but you also want to get some stuff done.
-What was -- was it your idea the origin of screw the pooch?
-Yeah. I wanted to do a sketch about the first guy to ever say
the phrase "screwed the pooch" because an intern one time
messed up a coffee order,
and I was like, "hey, I didn't order this."
And he goes, "I'm sorry about that, Che.
I really screwed the pooch on that one."
And I said, "what was that?" [ Laughter ]
And he goes, "screwed the pooch.
It means I made a mistake." And I was like "no, man,
it means, you had sex with a dog."
[ Laughter ]
"And you should probably stop saying that
in a workplace environment." So I wanted to just dig
into that guy, because I'm sure he probably had sex with a dog
one time and just kept pretending that it was
a mistake that everybody else makes.
-Yeah, that's like the coffee thing. We all make mistakes.
-Oh, you messed up the coffee? Now who has sex with dogs?
Still you, Gary! You're still the only one that's done that.
-Half Viagra? -Oh, yeah. That's a fun one.
-Well, we kept seeing these ads -- I don't know
if you've seen them -- for single packs of Viagra.
Where it's like a weird husband, and it's, like, "we're going on
a trip with my wife" and he's like,
"oh, we'll pack one single pack of Viagra."
He's like, "I want to have sex,
but I don't want to carry the whole bottle."
-[ Laughs ] Right. -You know, so on vacation,
you can be like, "you get one shot."
But we wanted to do ads for half-packs of Viagra.
And if you didn't want to have sex, you just wanted to make it
look a little bigger. [ Laughter ]
Like if you knew you were going somewhere,
like you had a doctor's appointment, you know?
-Or like a tailor or something. You know --
You wanna...Got to use like, a stadium urinal.
You want people to be... [ Laughter ]
-Yeah.
-You know? -Yeah.
Whatever. I still say we should have called it Viagra al dente.
[ Laughter ]
-First black guy to boo Jackie Robinson?
[ Laughter ] -Right.
First of all, it was February,
and I wanted a black history sketch.
-Yep. -And I was like,
"who was the first black guy to boo Jackie Robinson
for a baseball play?" There had to be one.
I mean, he -- I'm sure he had an error before.
-Uh-huh. -Yeah. Censor said no.
-Really? -Yeah, my favorite sketches are,
like, really racially charged. -Yeah.
-Like Chris Hemsworth hosted, and I wanted to do a sketch
where the Avengers save the day, but in the process,
Thor accidentally kills an unarmed black teenager.
[ Laughter ]
-He didn't think that was on brand?
-Yeah, he said it wouldn't help with tickets.
[ Laughter ]
-I think it would've helped with tickets.
-I thought it would help with tickets, too.
-You had a -- Was it a CVS game show sketch?
-A game show that was set inside of a CVS that was called
"Who Works Here?"
[ Laughter ] -That's a good one.
-Contestants had to buzz in and try and decide is that
you know, an employee, or a drifter in a red vest?
[ Laughter ]
-And then, this one you guys should've done.
Cecilia Gimenez was a character that Kate McKinnon played.
-Mm-hmm. -Yes.
-And for the actual news story when she first played him,
there was a painting of Jesus, right?
-Yeah. -...that someone repainted...
-Yeah. -And then, like, to retouch it,
and then it looked like a howler monkey.
-Basically. -It was, like, the worst
repainting job of all time. -Yeah.
And then we did one I think where she did
that Cristiano Ronaldo statue that was in segment two.
-Yeah. -Or the Lucy one -- it was like
a Lucille Ball where she looked like the snake character
from "Beetlejuice." [ Laughter ]
And this, someone talked about 'cause they saw --
I don't know if you guys saw the animatronic Trump
at Disney World or something... -Frightening.
-...where she was the one who designed that.
It basically looked like a way worse Jon Voight.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah. Melty Voight.
So what is the pressure like? Obviously, every week on "SNL,"
there is a certain amount of pressure.
You guys have one of the all-time greats,
Will Ferrell, this week. -Yeah.
Some would say, oh, my God, cruise control,
but you have to feel pressure. -Yeah. You do, you feel a lot
of pressure 'cause everyone already knows he's good.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
So if it's not good, it's our fault.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
We're the ones that's the problem, so, yeah,
it's a lot of pressure.
Hopefully Will can step up to it.
[ Laughter ]
Carry us through with a cowbell, too.
-Well, I especially am grateful you guys came here tonight
because pretty much you're gonna leave here and you're gonna go
right upstairs... -Yeah.
-...and write through the night. I can't wait for Saturday.
It's always such a pleasure to see both of you.
-Thank you for having us. -And "Update" has been
so fantastic this year. Keep up the great work.
-Ah, thank you, man.
-Congratulations on the Globes, too.
You were fantastic hosting the Globes.
-Thank you so much. Really appreciate it.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Wonderful.
-Jost -- Jost sent me jokes for the Globes, which was very nice,
and like a day before the Globes, you had an idea.
-Oh, yeah. -It was unproduceable.
-Oh, yeah. -Yeah, I wanted Andy Samberg
to play the creature from "The Shape of Water."
[ Laughter ] And that he was in the audience
and he was falling in love with Seth as the show went on.
And the second time you saw him, he was in a bathtub on stage
asking Seth to get in the bathtub.
[ Laughter ]
-And it was great 'cause it was written like someone who had
never been in show business. -Yes.
That's how I try to approach every idea.
[ Laughter ] You had the good sense to do
like, good, "smart stuff." -No, no, no, I -- but I did like
the idea of like, just constantly, like,
in the middle of, like, a speech.
Like Oprah giving her speech, Andy being like,
"I need water!" [ Laughter ]
I think that was what the evening needed.
-You definitely should have booed Oprah.
That would've been the best. [ Laughter ]
-Like, what? -Get Seth back out!
[ Laughter ]
Thank you guys so much for being here.