it is the first day of summer and as we like to do as often as we possibly can
we like to introduce brand new exciting program elements to make this show to continue to make
this show the most successful late night television program in the world so tonight
ladies and gentlemen we're going to show you what's new for summer
you know here we go new things for summer my good friend bill gates over there at microsoft
heard we were looking for ideas for summer shows and oh my did he ever pull another rabbit out
of his bag of electronic gadgets that's right thanks to this miraculous cutting edge software
now we can show you what celebrities would look like with really bad sunburns watch
look here oh my god look at that newt gingrich
that's amazing the guy's worth 10 billion dollars you know the latest cbs demographic
research indicates two things one one the network will be out of business in six months
and two from time to time this show the late show right here needs a little something for the
ladies so with that in mind hang on gals that's right it's the cbs page in a speedo here we go
i i happen to know he has perfect vision
go figure see if something like that would work
you can't see it i can't see anything tonight interesting
that's me after too much nyquil that's what that is
uh move over richard simmons we may not have the oldies but boy do we have the sweat and yes
in our audience every night this summer it's a super sweaty guy
my goodness yeah
wow the women in front have never seen anything funnier oh lucky zicky i just say i hope he
doesn't he has diphtheria or something know ladies and gentlemen this summer the trial
of the century meets the talk show of the century and we think you'll find us guilty
of hilarious entertainment your honor when paul shaffer tries on a pair of isatoner gloves paul
well it's a perfect fit yeah
i don't need to tell you ludlow that everyone loves those frozen treats from the ice cream
truck but let's face it they just don't contain enough pork that's why we're making sure every
late show audience member goes home with one of these a refreshing high cholesterol
hamsicle
there you go
pass those around
hi
there's a good chance that may be something systemic going on there uh here's something new
that's just perfect for us ladies and gentlemen it's quick cheap easy and endlessly entertaining
for people who enjoy big bouncing brightly colored objects that's right it's beach balls here we go
suddenly it's romper room uh we have to pause here all right don't make me get the lifeguard out here
the audience is on their feet for beach balls hey
we got to do a commercial we'll be right back here with patrick stewart nice