- The less boundaries someone has,
the more other people can then walk on them,
and therefore the less attractive they come off.
Now, in this video,
I'mma show you how to stop the cycle
of other people walking on you,
how to stop the cycle of repelling love away,
because the value isn't coming from the inside out
and being expressed through that of boundaries.
So this is something that when you learn to apply
in your life,
you'll notice that people just respond to you differently.
There's an energy that you will contain
that has more contagious type,
attractive mentality to it,
and also, here's the benefit,
you will repel people
that you wouldn't actually resonate with.
Like, you want to have boundaries.
This is one reason that a lot of empaths,
people that can feel other people's energies,
may attract narcissists.
There's no boundaries there,
and narcissists can only get through to people
that have a lack of boundaries.
So that's why, in this video,
I'mma show you a mantra,
a process that you can apply in your life
that will make it so that you are no longer a doormat.
You no longer feel guilty when setting boundaries,
and you literally bring your energy back
to where you are attractive from the inside out,
because of the energy you are embodying.
Now, first off, for this,
this is something that I had to learn the hard way.
For a long time, like imagine this right here,
this little chart,
this shows an energetic representation of that of energy.
Now, you'll see that the one in the middle,
say this is you,
this is me, this is like the self.
Now what happens is most people
will have like a healthy boundary here.
This blue is the boundary.
An empath or somebody that can feel other people's energies,
may have trouble setting boundaries
because there's holes in the boundary,
where other things can get through.
And what happens is when other people get through,
the empath literally believes
that these other people,
say the O stands for other,
or the zero stands for other,
literally, other is identified
as, "This is my responsibility.
This is something I am meant to take care of.
Their emotions is my emotions."
And therefore, there's a big burden
and there's a big lack of setting boundaries,
and what happens is,
when there is a lack of boundaries,
people don't respect it as much.
There's a lot less respect there.
And it's an interesting concept,
but that's literally what happens,
energetically, is people feel that someone else
isn't strong and isn't solid in their own frame,
and therefore, they feel like they can walk on them.
So for me, an example of this,
a version of this,
was that there used to be,
when I was in like a friend group or something like that,
there would be no boundary
to kind of like what I would and wouldn't do
for someone else.
I would do anything to make my friends happy.
I would do anything to make my family happy.
I would do anything,
and because of that,
there'd be this tendency
to where I would be with friends
that I would do anything for,
and many times,
it wouldn't be a reciprocated energy.
And that was because I had shown
and almost shown my cards
that I will do anything for someone.
I'll drive across town,
I'll do this, I'll do that.
I will cancel my own plans
so that I can be at your thing,
and there'd be such guilt there
that I would feel like obligated to do it,
even though maybe it wasn't authentic.
But then, there's an expectation
from friends and family that,
"Aaron completely dissolves himself
to make everyone else happy."
So then, when I stop doing that, there's this big shock.
It's like, "Why is he all of a sudden
not doing what he's always done before?"
Have you ever had that happened,
or maybe there's a friend
that you would drive two or three hours to go see,
and then they get mad that you won't drive
two or three hours to go see them,
but at the same time,
they would never do that for you.
And then you're conflicted.
You're like, "Why is this energy active?" you know.
I know people where that's actually happened.
And it's a very interesting dynamic.
I've had times, I've shared this before,
where I drove like 10 hours to Colorado
for one of my best friends' birthdays.
And I had to cancel a photo shoot,
I had to cancel like whole bunch of stuff.
It was very inconvenient,
but I did it because,
it's like, I'm grateful I did it 'cause I had a good time,
but at the same time,
I can see that I completely lost my sense of self,
and I did something that was moreso,
I just felt like I couldn't say no.
Now, even in,
imagine this scenario in dating and relationships.
imagine you're with somebody
and they're able to walk all over you,
they treat you like shit,
and you let them do that.
That communicates to somebody else,
"I don't have a standard
and it is okay that you treat me this way."
And when somebody sees someone else treating you that way,
they may also lose respect for you,
because they see that you,
why would you allow someone to treat you like this?
So I think, another word for boundary
that you can think of with this,
boundaries equals standard.
What is the standard that you set,
the baseline that you set for what is okay
versus not okay?
And I'll tell you,
the more you value yourself,
the more you will say no easier,
and it won't be okay
for certain people to maybe treat you a certain way.
Now, I think we'll talk about it
in a minute, by the way,
that's very powerful,
is that boundaries are internal.
Something my shadow work integration coach taught me.
It's completely transformed my life.
I'll share that in a minute.
However, what is okay versus what is not okay?
Now, imagine that it is okay
and you allow other people to treat you like shit,
what is happening is when you say yes to an energy
that isn't conducive to you
and isn't beneficial for you,
then what happens is you're allowing that in,
and by not saying no,
if you were to say no,
you'd be saying yes to yourself.
So it's good to have boundaries.
I remember when I first started on YouTube
and I started making videos,
I was kind of like,
you know, I'd hang out with friends,
we'd smoke, we'd drink,
I would go to my-nine-to-five job,
and then I started making videos,
and I started developing this vision.
I started having this vision
for what I'd wanted to create my life.
And I started moving towards it,
and I started making daily videos,
and I started feeling very empowered.
And then my friends would say,
"Hey, come hang out,"
and I literally had to say no.
And the reason it was easier for me to say no
is I knew that if I just kept doing that,
I would stay the same.
But if I kept making videos that I was passionate about,
I could create a new reality for myself.
I could start growing,
and then I could get outta that nine-to-five job,
and I could help more people.
And that's what really changed my life,
is I realized that the more,
it actually became beneficial,
the more successful I become,
the more I've had to say no.
And therefore, also either the more attractive I am
or that my energy is,
or the more that is communicated through my actions.
Something that happens to me sometimes
is I will do a live event
or I'll meet someone in public
that maybe recognizes me for my videos.
And sometimes people will say,
"Hey, awesome, great to meet you.
Let's hang out.
Can I get your number and let's hang out?"
And I used to, back in the day,
feel really bad about this.
I'm like, "Sorry, I'm really busy."
I, like, I have my friends and my family
that I'm like,
my intention is to keep up with them.
I don't have room for like new people
to come in my ecosystem to like have obligations
to hang out with and stuff like that.
And it's almost like there's maybe a lack of context there
because people see,
people may watch my videos
and be like, "Oh, he,
I would just wanna hang out with him," or whatever.
And then it's like,
and then I'm in my own ecosystem bubble
where I'm like,
you know, doing things, busy,
I have a team to deal with,
I have family and friends,
and like obligations and stuff, you know?
So maybe it's kind of a little bit of a lack of awareness,
but I used to have so much problem setting boundaries
where I'm like so,
there was a couple times that I even gave them
my phone number 'cause I just couldn't say no.
And now that I look back,
and I'm not trying to be cocky here,
but I, if I go out, I, you know,
there's times I might go out
and get recognized a couple times,
and it's like, if I really give away my number every time,
it would be communicating that I just maybe don't,
I don't know,
not have a lot going on,
but also be inauthentic,
because I'd be giving away my number
because I feel guilty.
And you can apply this towards dating.
I know many of you all, maybe hit on,
and then you give away your number
because you feel obligated,
you don't wanna reject somebody else.
But in actuality,
it may not be authentic for you
to give your number out, you know.
So it's an interesting thing.
But one thing you wanna become aware of with this
is what do you really want?
What is yourself,
how would you be filling up your own self cup
of what is like actually fulfilling to you?
I know that if I give out my number to everybody I meet,
I'll have even less time to do my zone of genius
and my passion.
And I'll even more unauthentically
have to be like, you know,
like telling people why I can't do things
and explaining to myself.
So it actually communicates value to have a standard.
And I've actually had to say this
in a way where I kinda felt bad,
where I was,
I ended up not feeling bad,
I'm like, "Listen, I meet a lot of people,
you know, that may recognize me or something like that,
and if I gave my number out to everybody,
I would have no time to like, do what I do.
So, no, I'm sorry, I can't give out my phone number to you."
You know what I mean?
I know it sounds kind of cocky or whatever,
but if you were in my position
or in a position to where,
you know, you have to guard your own energy.
At any level, whether you're on YouTube and whatever,
like I'm not trying to like brag or anything here.
I'm just explaining something from my personal life
that is something that happened recently
that I had to like, you know,
work through or, like, become aware of.
But in the same way,
the more, and also, there is another thing.
The more successful you become,
the less time you have
to put towards, like, mindless things.
Doesn't mean you can't enjoy life,
you can't go into nature and stuff like that,
but you start to value your time more
to where you don't do things
that won't necessarily like,
do things that'll drain your energy or take energy to do.
So boundaries literally express out value,
and even in,
okay, another example of this
is in dating and relationships.
Let's say you go out with somebody
and let's say that they don't value your time,
or they don't really show,
they show up hours later,
or they don't get back to you,
or they flake on you.
If you let that be okay,
that is communicating to them
that you don't value your own time.
That you don't have your own priorities for yourself.
That you allow other people to flake on you.
So one good thing that you could do
is express and actually vulnerably say,
"Hey, this happened,
this can never happen again.
And if it does happen again, I'm gone."
That's not a dick move to do.
That is expressing your own integrity, your own values.
And I know from personal experience
that this not only do you feel more empowered
but it also drives more attraction,
because you are more so in your own value.
You're in your own energy.
You are expressing that.
So boundaries, having a higher standard is attractive.
And remember this.
A lot of times you'll think,
if you tell somebody no,
like, that's,
here's the thing,
like, when I've told people,
"No, I can't give you my number.
I'm too busy,"
or I've had to say no to things,
I mean, I get offered all the times,
"Can you come do this?
Can you come do that?"
And I literally just have to say no.
If they feel rejected or negative emotion,
this is what I have to remember.
This saying right here,
and this isn't like a bypassing thing
where it's like you always just like deflect your own stuff.
But in general,
if you're an empath or someone that struggles
to set boundaries,
that's your shit, not mine.
If they feel rejected or they feel bad,
that's their stuff to deal with.
You were being authentic.
The main thing to realize
when it comes to setting boundaries
is what you are doing is you are rearranging your values.
Whereas before, you may have valued other people's opinions,
other people's thoughts,
other people's validations,
O for for other.
Instead of valuing that,
you start to value your own sense of self confidence.
You start to draw energy from within.
As I started to make my values,
my vision of what I wanna create in the world,
me being authentic,
me being the most bold version of myself,
me being vulnerable.
As I started to do all of that,
what happened is I started to live in integrity
with my own values.
People that lack their values,
they don't have a code they live by,
they don't have integrity.
Integrity is also being consistent with your word.
And if you say it's okay if,
you know, if you're communicating,
it's okay for someone to walk on you,
that's out of integrity
for you actually being loving to yourself.
So the thing you wanna do
is you wanna become aware of your values.
You wanna become aware of how you're showing up in the world
so that you can shift out of the old version of yourself
and into a version of you that is more solid.
That does have boundaries,
but that boundaries communicate value.
When you're able to say no
to someone that's not treating you well,
you will just say yes to someone
that will treat you with respect.
When you say no to someone that doesn't respect your time,
you'll say yes to someone that does respect your time.
Saying no is a superpower,
and it literally communicates value.
But the main thing that will help you with attraction
more than anything here,
is living by your own values.
Authenticity, vulnerability are two powerful values
I live by.
Vulnerability means putting myself out there,
expressing myself, not being afraid of rejection.
It means being authentic
over wanting other people's validation.
It means being bold.
It means stepping into the unknown.
These are different values I live by.
And every one of you,
most people don't know their values.
They let other people dictate their values.
Other, remember.
There's nothing wrong with being empathic to other people.
That's, like, it's a superpower in some ways,
because you can really serve in a powerful way,
but most people, they don't master this
and learn how to set boundaries,
and therefore, people continue to walk all over them.
So, one thing that helps you through this process too
is going through a simple three-step process
to transforming your life.
For shifting outta the old you
and into a brand new you.
It's also the process of raising
and elevating your level of consciousness
by letting go of the old identity.
And if you haven't checked it out yet,
I have a free PDF that shows you step-by-step
how to shift outta the old and shift into the new,
so that you can set boundaries easier than ever
without feeling guilty.
It's on the top of the description box below.
Download that PDF
and watch how it gives you a lot of clarity
as to exactly what to do.
And then also,
I have one of the the most powerful videos that I have
on setting boundaries right here.
Watch this video to wire this in,
and watch how it changes your life.
There is a difference between innergetic boundaries
and outer boundary boundaries.
Now, innergetic, think of inner, I-N-N-E-R,
innergetic instead of energetic.
But the difference is when we, you know,