My mum sitting me down and talking to me about
what she wanted when she passed away
allowed us to have a real in-depth conversation.
The fact that she said: a lot of the things she'd
been through in the UK. "Felt like she was living in a box
She didn't want to be a box when she then dies as well."
That's why she wanted to be cremated, and scattered.
in her father's land.
But, I wish I had that conversation
with my dad, and I knew what he wanted,
I just did the best, I thought I could.
It's almost going into a situation
completely blind folded.
My dad had buried his brother here,
so we buried my dad near his brother,
so it kind of gave me some peace
that he has been buried with his brother.
But I don't know actually know
what my dad would of wanted.
My dad had sickle cell all of his life,
he wasn't expected to live as long as he did.
I know he was lucky to have lived that long.
The last thing I was expecting,
was to be told that he was dead.
Tosin's mum passed away two months later of cancer at 52
It took for my dad to pass away
unexpectedly, for my mum to sit us down,
At this point I was 26, no 25.
My mum sat me down and was like
"You're ready to know.
That is when I pass away this is what I want.
This is how you should do this,
this is how you do that."
I remember that day thinking "My mum is so dramatic."
Like, "Okay, dad died but you're not going anywhere
so why are we having this conversation now."
And now when I think about it
in hindsight,
we should of even had that conversation earlier.
2011 Census or two line name here.
Now Tosin wants more Africans to be open with topics surrounding death
Ndu recently buried his dad
He had to tell his family in Nigeria why they decided to bury his dad in London
Nice to see you, you ok? I'm Ndu.
I'm Tosin, nice to meet you.
Is this your local florist?
Yeah! What's funny is before this
I never used to spend my money on flowers.
I like this process because I don't get to
to do this for my mum.
I went through two very different processes.
With this one I get to see go my dad,
I get to go talk to him,
I have a space,
Where as with mum,
She asked us to scatter her in Nigeria.
Does it feel real yet? No, not at all.
How long ago?
Two months,
he basically said it is up to you guys
where I go, where you bury me.
He had that convo with my mum,
in preparation for what we're going do
we had to make thats decision ourselves
and then my mum asked, myself, and my siblings
"What do you think?" And similar to you
from a selfish stand point, You're just: "Well
I wanna be able to go where he is, easily."
Going to Nigeria is expensive. That's long.
Whilst he's got a lot of family over there,
he has got family here.
Even that decision, wasn't a decision
we could only make, we had to call home,
and check with the elders. Speak to them about the decision
make sure they are okay with it
even that process, is difficult,
because they are thinking bring my son back home.
I think a lot of it, I don't know if it's the same for you?
I think there's this stigma or myth, (taboo) or taboo,
not only to speak about it, and bring it into existence
but also, unexplained reasons of death
seems to revolve around, either the devil,
or something, not being done well,
or evil spirits, or you're not praying hard enough.
I still feel like
religious beliefs aside, regardless of those.
That could be a real factor,
as to why, people don't talk about it as much.
but we're in a situation, which shows that you need to talk about it.