- So out of the 32 years I've existed,
I have never gone to a professional
to deal with my eyebrows.
I've never gotten them waxed, threaded, nothing.
But I have come to a point
where I would just like to have nice eyebrows.
So this is my favorite eyebrow.
I feel like it has like a lot of length and shape,
but then this eyebrow, she's a little,
she's a little unruly.
Like I genuinely don't even know
how I would fix my eyebrows.
So I'm excited for this professional to come in.
I hit up my friend Ashley, and I asked her
who does her brows?
She gave me the contact.
She only does house calls.
So she's gonna be here in 15 minutes
to wax my eyebrows.
Should I just lie down?
- Yes, please. - Okay.
Oh, I'm so excited.
(light music)
- This is immediately the after.
Look how clean my brows look like now.
Not a single hair out of place.
I'm trying to figure out
if this is a maintenance fee that I wanna add on.
Right now I get my hair done every four weeks.
I get my nails done every four weeks.
Do I need to get my brows done every four weeks?
I don't know.
I'll show you guys what it looks like with makeup later.
So Ben left for England I think like three days ago.
So it's just been me and Lennon.
We've been getting a lot of quality time.
We thought that this was the best way
for us to really enjoy our travels away this year.
So when I went to Korea with my parents,
we agreed that Ben would go to England a week after
to visit his family and friends.
And we made the family decision to not take Lennon
because he's not even two yet.
And I think flying with a toddler
is not on my list of my favorite things to do.
In fact, it makes the list
on the things I really don't like doing.
And the thing is,
I know Lennon's not enjoying the flight either.
And so if we can avoid international travel, then we will.
But the thing is,
we are gonna go to England in the fall, all of us.
And so that's gonna be like our big family trip.
But we thought that, you know,
for our soul, for our pleasure,
we would just go on these trips on our own.
And so it really strengthens that muscle of independence.
It's like actually so much easier to do my brows
now that they're waxed.
Who would've thought?
All right, so really quickly,
I'm just gonna finish off the rest of my makeup.
Okay, makeup is done.
Oh, also, look at the brows.
Look at the brows.
Okay, I feel like now I could really zoom in on the brows.
So tonight I'm heading out to two events.
First up, we've got Bobby Hundreds' event.
It's called "As It Was."
No it's not.
It's not "As It Was."
It's not a Harry Styles song.
It's called "As I Am."
There we go.
It's to celebrate AAPI Month.
See, I'm like actually really excited
to see who will be there 'cause I'm pretty sure
there's gonna be a couple of familiar faces.
And then afterwards we're gonna head on over
to the Broad to check out the Keith Haring exhibition.
And Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth is gonna be performing.
It takes a lot
for me to leave my house, especially with a child
because there's just a lot more logistics going into
going to events because someone needs
to look out for Lennon.
But yeah, tonight I just couldn't say no
and I'm actually happy that they're back to back
because once we're out, we're gonna stay out.
So now we've gotta figure out an outfit.
Let's try this on.
So I'm wearing the outfit that I laid out last night
and I think is pretty cute.
My suit set is from J. Crew.
The tank is from Style Nanda.
And then the long sleeve is an old Eggie item.
So I think I know what's missing with this blazer.
I think I would like this blazer more
if there was just a little bit more personality.
Like this almost looks too polished.
So I am gonna transfer some pins from my pin jacket.
I think that's just what's like gonna
give my outfit a little bit more edge.
Assembling an outfit is one of my favorite parts
about going out.
It's because when I purchase a piece
I can imagine myself wearing it to all sorts of occasions.
So when a look finally gets some airtime,
it's just the most satisfying thing.
It's like completing that final piece of the puzzle.
This is why I love fashion.
It's my armor and a form of self-expression.
Okay guys, this is the finished fit.
Gonna go in with my little mini Prada bag
and for my fragrance, gonna stick with Prada.
(aerosol spritzing)
Mm.
Yeah, if you like florals, especially that ylang-ylang,
I don't know how to say it.
It smells amazing.
It's like light, it's inviting.
All right, let's go.
If I get invited to someone's party,
I like to take some time beforehand
to see what they've been up to.
This can mean a quick browse on their social media profile.
And in my case, I listened to Bobby's episode
on the Tim Ferriss podcast.
I think it just helps to make conversation points
more specific and therefore, more interesting.
Plus it shows that you care,
which is always cool in my book.
Entering a party is kinda like diving into a cold pool.
Some folks can cannonball in and be immediately comfortable,
but for most it takes a minute to warm up.
For some it's too much and they immediately leave.
It's because there's a lot of stimulation at events.
But I like to try to give myself 20 minutes
of grace to settle in.
So I like to enjoy the food,
focus on the convo, and remind myself
that I belong here just like everyone else.
And then with enough exposure,
you'll start feeling comfortable.
Another quick way to take the edge off is to grab a drink.
This was my weapon of choice usually,
but tonight I opted for a Diet Coke.
The plan was that after I finished this one
then I would decide
if I wanted to have like a alcoholic drink or not.
But honestly, I was already having a lot
of fun connecting and seeing friends.
The water was definitely warm now.
The next stop was The Broad.
I highly recommend going to The Broad if you are ever in LA.
It is my favorite contemporary art museum
and houses some of the most iconic artists in the world.
And best of all, it's free.
The Keith Haring exhibition was so immersive and vibrant.
He was an artistic powerhouse
and a main player in the pop art scene.
He was a firm believer that art was for the people.
So he'd create a bunch of murals on the buildings,
sculptures in parks, and made art accessible to everyone.
Going to The Broad at night felt really special.
I think it's because subconsciously it felt
like I was breaking some
of the rules since it's normally closed in the evenings.
I don't know.
It was just the perfect backdrop to share with a friend.
That was a pretty successful night.
More than pretty, it was an exceptional evening.
I know that LA has a bad rap
of people saying that it's vapid, that there's no culture.
But I think
that narrative is a little bit stale and a bit lazy.
I think with LA you really have to be a planner.
I'm just used to structuring out the night
to kind of coordinate what's gonna happen
because hopping from like neighborhood
to neighborhood is a lot 'cause LA is very large.
So if you don't know where you're going
then that's where it gets a little bit tricky.
My soul feels so enriched.
I feel really inspired actually.
I'm just very grateful to exist
in this time period of my life.
I'm also very proud
that I did not have a single drop of alcohol
and there was actually no temptation for me to drink.
This would've been not possible
or this would've been extremely difficult
even like last year, especially going to events
where like there's just a lot of unknown variables.
Like I didn't know who was gonna be there.
I didn't know what was gonna happen.
I just had more control and agency
of what exactly was coming out of my mind.
And those Diet Cokes, man, whew.
That caffeine just had me flying.
I'm just so happy
that I'm gonna wake up without a hangover tomorrow.
Yes, yes, thank you.
So last week I took an edible
and I decided to do some online shopping.
I also thought
that it would be a great time to revamp my wardrobe.
I was thinking of getting like some bold statement pieces.
I'm gonna show you guys and I'm also gonna film
like a little Instagram reel wearing this
because it's actually hilarious
what I thought was gonna work.
(light music)
I don't know, I thought I wanted to be like
that whimsical, cool mom.
Maybe if I was like a first grade teacher
I would totally rock this 'cause I feel
like the kids would really enjoy a print like this.
Yeah, I was going for wild, whimsical
and I think the design is just falling flat
because it's just objectively unflattering on my body.
Like it's given me nothing.
I do think that it's confidence that requires
an outfit to look awesome, right?
Because if I just pose
and smile and I say, "Oh my God, I love it.
I love how wild it is."
Then suddenly it feels okay.
But, I don't know, I feel like with this one
I feel like the more I'm looking at it
the more I'm kinda liking it.
I'm about to rip this dress in one flex.
(fabric ripping)
So out of everything we have one winner.
(bell dinging)
I think this is actually a good in between
of me going outside my comfort zone
and also still being aligned with my style.
And most importantly, my frame.
I feel like fashion is all about proportion and silhouette.
Like 'cause a design can be sick,
but if it doesn't look great on your body,
then there's just no point.
Everyone loses.
(whimsical music)
Let's return this.
Hi, I just wanna drop off this package.
(light music)
Roots are done.
No bands and sight and girl is going out again.
This whole week has been an anomaly.
I usually never go out this frequently.
If you couldn't tell,
I'm definitely in like a see-through, mesh,
long sleeve phase.
I've just been liking to cover my arms,
but still liking a breeze.
And for my pants, I'm wearing the thrifted jeans
that I bought in Austin.
And then I'm gonna wear my leather jacket.
I'm gonna go with my friend Suzie.
And so we're gonna have like a mom's night out.
I am so excited.
- Another morning with no hangover, no anxiety.
Like honestly, that would be my least favorite part
about going out, the next morning.
But now I'm starting to realize
that it doesn't have to be that way
because I'm putting myself in social situations
where I'm surrounded by alcohol, but I'm showing myself
that I actually don't really need to participate.
Sure, I could have a drink, but it's actually
really refreshing to not have it a part of the night.
I've touched on this in previous videos,
but I did have like
an interesting relationship with alcohol.
I didn't have like a problem, I would say,
but in my twenties I actually preferred
that drunk version of myself.
I thought when I was drunk I was more funny,
more charismatic, more charming.
But I'm realizing that was just a story
that I put in my head because when I would drink
it would get rid of all my anxiety, it would vanish
and I felt like I could just be the true, emboldened me.
But in reality, when I drink
it was like using a credit card.
It was like, sure,
all my anxiety would dissipate that evening,
but then I would have to pay it back
with interest the next day and the following day.
It's the cycle that I just kept
on finding myself in until the end of 2019.
That's when I started to really reevaluate
my relationship with alcohol.
And I think that's where the journey has begun.
And now three years later,
I'm at a point where I feel comfortable being
in environments when there's alcohol present,
but still managing to have a good time.
And last night, woo, it was so much fun.
I feel like that was the first time I went
to like a like a rave/par-
Yeah, it was like a party.
Like it was like my first time going to a rave
without like any drinking and it felt incredible.
I think as I become more comfortable with myself,
I'm showing, I'm proving to me
that I'm fine without buffers sometimes.
I mean, I don't think I'm
like gonna cross off alcohol forever,
but it's just cool to exercise that part of me.
I think also me becoming a mom has made me re-question
if a drink is worth it or not, because either way,
like I'm gonna have to be with Lennon the next day
and he still wakes up at 6:30 every day
and it's the question of do I wanna be hungover doing that?
And the answer to that question
is always no, absolutely not.
It's literally the worst thing ever.
I think before I had a kid,
I had the flexibility to just throw away a day the next day,
but now I don't.
And I don't know,
I think becoming a mom has just made me more responsible
and it's just kind of boiled my values down.
Like, do you actually wanna feel this way?
I definitely am an extrovert, 100%.
I love being around people.
I love having a good old chat.
I think, in fact, I think I was always an extrovert,
but I was just an insecure extrovert
which made me think that I was an introvert.
So yeah, I feel like this is just a season
of me in bloom and it's such a good feeling
and I have been a lot more active on Instagram
and producing more short form pieces of content
especially because the channel has been a little bit quiet.
I had a realization on like why a lot
of long form creators just ditch their channels
because creating short form content
is significantly easier than long form.
They both have pros and cons,
but I feel like with short form,
it's easier to execute your ideas and complete them faster.
And so you get
like a quicker dopamine rush once you finish something.
But the grind is much more relentless
because every day or every couple
of days you have to come up with something new.
And so everything is just like,
it's more frequent ups and downs
as opposed to when you create a long form pieces of content
since you're working on that piece for a long time
once you release it does feel more cathartic
because there was more effort that went into it.
While I was on Instagram
I got a DM asking me how I'm able to go out
without feeling any guilt about leaving my son at home.
This is, I think this is just another form of mom guilt.
I'm realizing that mom guilt is just
kind of this umbrella term to describe any type
of guilt that you feel about being a bad mother.
The guilt shows up in different ways.
For me, I feel most guilty when I am working
and I'm not spending time with my son.
But the strange thing is,
when I'm out and about and seeing friends and hanging out
I actually feel no guilt.
There's like no thought in my head where I'm like,
oh, like I should, like, what am I doing here,
I should be with Lennon.
When I'm out and about I'm just living.
Like, I'm allowing myself to have that freedom
because I know ultimately
it's what's making me a more embodied version of myself.
It's nurturing that part of me that isn't a mother.
You know, I feel like a mom is just one role that you have.
You know, as humans we have so much complexity
to us and we have so many roles.
We're mothers, but we're also sisters, we're also daughters.
We're also creators.
You know, like if you have a job.
There's so many different roles that you have
and so I feel like when I'm out and about
I am nurturing that friend role.
And I know that once I get back from my time away
it actually makes me a better,
more present mom because I feel fulfilled.
So I think that's what kind of helps me get outta my head
if I start feeling guilty about something.
I think I'm gonna call it on this vlog.
But I hope you guys enjoyed it
and I will see you guys in my next one.
Bye-bye. (lips smacking)