- [Interviewer] Hey Tiffany - and friends.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- [Interviewer] Thank you for squeezing me into
your busy schedule.
You ready to answer 73 questions?
- Yes, she ready. Let's do it.
- [Interviewer] All right, let's kick it off.
What have you been up to today?
- I've been doing press all day.
- [Interviewer] Are you a morning person or a night person?
- Night person.
- [Interviewer] What's making you laugh lately?
- My friends.
- [Interviewer] Now speaking of your friends,
how would they describe you in three words?
- I don't know. How would you all describe me?
- Genuine.
- Wise.
- Learned.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Interviewer] And now back at you,
how would you describe yourself in three words?
- I would say fun,
honest,
and a hot mess from time to time.
- [Interviewer] What's your favorite vacation destination?
- Bermuda.
- [Interviewer] Last country you visited?
- Eritrea.
- [Interviewer] A country you wish to visit?
- I would like to go back to Eritrea.
- [Interviewer] What's the most exciting thing
in your life right now?
- My career.
- [Interviewer] Who would you consider to be your mentor?
- The world.
- [Interviewer] What's the best piece of advice
you've ever been given?
- Never trust nobody.
- [Interviewer] Now if your life were a hashtag,
what would it be?
- She ready.
You know what?
- [Interviewer] What?
I'm ready to show you all around here.
Let me show you this place.
[Interviewer] Amazing. Okay. - It's really cool.
It's Caroline's.
- [Interviewer] Where did you grow up, Tiffany?
- South Central LA.
- [Interviewer] What's the best thing about LA?
- The weather.
- [Interviewer] When was the last time you cried?
- Yesterday.
- [Interviewer] What words do you live by?
- She ready!
Hey, come on in.
This is the secret way into the showroom.
- [Interviewer] Okay,
now when was the last time you were genuinely starstruck?
- When I met Oprah Winfrey.
- [Interviewer] And how did it feel meeting Oprah?
- Like magic.
Hey, you know what?
There's a show going on here tonight.
You guys want to get on the guest list?
- [Interviewer] Yeah, that would be amazing.
- Okay, can you take care of them?
Put them on the list?
- [Hostess] Absolutely, for you girl.
- Thank you.
- [Interviewer] And I hear you're writing the intro
for Richard Pryor's diary?
- That's true.
- [Interviewer] Now, what was it like
hanging out with Barbara Streisand?
- Amazing, like magic.
- [Interviewer] What would be your dream
lineup of comedians - living or not living -
to do a comedy tour with?
- George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Tony Rock,
Marlo Williams, and Kevin Hart.
- [Interviewer] That's a good list.
Now, do you have any warm up rituals or routines?
- Yes. I get in the mirror, and go,
"Baby daddy, baby daddy, baby daddy,
"baby daddy, baby daddy, baby daddy,
child support, child support, child support, child support,
child..."
Basically I say all the things that I don't want
really fast to trick the universe
into giving me what I do want.
Hey Brian, can you turn the lights on for me?
- You got it. Let there be light.
- Thank you. Isn't it beautiful in here?
- [Interviewer] It's lovely!
Tiffany, is there ever a time you consider yourself shy?
- Oh, I am shy when I'm around really hot guys.
- [Interviewer] How would you describe your personal style?
- Cute and fun.
- [Interviewer] All right.
And moving into fashion you wore an amazing dress
on this year's Oscars red carpet.
What was the significance behind it?
- My father said one day
I would be able to go to a really amazing event like that,
and when I do, I need to represent his people.
So he's from Eritrea,
so I wore a princess dress from Eritrea.
- [Interviewer] You looked beautiful in it.
- Thank you.
- [Interviewer] What's the most treasured item
in your wardrobe?
- My unicorn onesie.
- [Interviewer] And when's the next time
you're going to be wearing that?
- Soon as I get home.
- [Interviewer] Heels or flats?
- Flats.
- [Interviewer] What is your best quality?
- My honesty.
- [Interviewer] What is your worst quality?
- My honesty.
- [Interviewer] Is it true you speak Japanese?
- [Interviewer] Impressive.
Can you teach me something in Japanese?
- Yes.
- [Interviewer] What does that mean?
- Yes.
- [Interviewer] Now I know how to say yes.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Interviewer] Now, what's the best seat in the house
when Tiffany Haddish is headlining a comedy show?
- Follow me.
I'll show you exactly where you should sit.
- [Interviewer] Do you like interacting with your audience?
- Yes.
- [Interviewer] How many shows have you done?
- I don't remember exactly.
- [Interviewer] What's the one thing that bothers you
the most?
- Liars.
- [Interviewer] If you had a talk show,
what would it be called?
- She Ready for Success.
Let's Talk!
- [Interviewer] Who's your celebrity crush?
- Whoever like me, and can make more money.
- [Interviewer] Who's your dream love scene partner?
- Michael B. Jordan.
- [Interviewer] Michael B... I love that guy!
- Have a seat.
This is right where you should sit.
This is the best place, the best seat in the house.
- [Interviewer] It's a good view!
Now, what's a role that you would love to take on?
- Wonder Woman's sister.
- [Interviewer] Okay, this one's out of left field,
but your Instagram shows that you love gardening.
What you got growing these days?
- Well, I have vegetables in there,
but I haven't been home for a while, so it's probably weeds.
- [Interviewer] For anyone wanting to get into gardening,
what's the best and most useful tip you can offer them?
- Oh when you have leftover eggshells from making, like,
scrambled eggs, take those eggshells, break them up,
and put them in your dirt with the garden.
And it should feed everything.
- [Interviewer] Interesting.
And what would you feed your friends
if they came over for dinner?
- Fried chicken, kale salad, and joyful greens.
- [Interviewer] Who would your three dream dinner party
attendees be?
- Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama, and Jesus.
- [Interviewer] And Taylor Swift made you dinner once.
Is this true?
- That is true.
- [Interviewer] What did she make?
- She made some brisket, some -
it was beef, chicken which was delicious.
Some potato salad. Delicious.
And some cornbread.
It was so good, and I brought the joyful greens.
- [Interviewer] Now, what's it like
being a famous comedian?
- Interesting.
- [Interviewer] You quit comedy for a moment
in your late teens.
Why?
- Because I couldn't afford to get to the comedy club.
I didn't have enough money for transportation.
- [Interviewer] In your book,
you said jokes and laughter helped you survive.
How so?
- They helped me to deal with the hard stuff,
and find the funny in it, and laugh about it.
- [Interviewer] What's one thing people don't know
about your career?
- That it took me over 20 years to get here.
- [Interviewer] That's a long path.
What does your family mean to you?
- Everything.
- [Interviewer] Now let's do some word associations, okay?
First one, Arsenio Hall.
- Best dude ever.
Really kind guy.
Gave me a chance.
- [Interviewer] Bar Mitzvahs?
- Ooh, I love them because I made some money,
and they're super fun.
- [Interviewer] Roscoe?
- I miss him terribly.
- [Interviewer] Kevin Hart?
- Big brother.
- [Interviewer] Doc Martens?
- Oh yeah, my first pair of shoes I ever bought,
and I love them to death.
Wore them til the soles fell off of them.
- [Interviewer] Now, I want you to imagine, you're mid-set,
you're on a roll, and somebody starts heckling.
How do you respond?
- Oh, what I like to do.
Let me show you how I deal with hecklers.
I get on, and I tell them, I tell them straight up,
"I don't come to your job and do that,"
and then I destroy their spirit.
- [Interviewer] What was your first stand up gig like?
- It was pretty horrible.
It was a show that was with women that loved other women.
I did really bad, and they still paid me $50
for fifteen minutes, and I said,
"Well that's what I'm going to do for the rest of my life...
because I did horribly, and they still paid me."
- [Interviewer] Were you nervous?
- Oh yeah. I was very nervous.
You want to see what it feels like to be very nervous?
Get on the stage, get up here.
- [Interviewer] Yeah alright! Let's do it! Okay.
- Come on up here and join me.
And imagine there's hundreds of people watching you.
- [Interviewer] That's a lot of people.
- And you have tickle their souls.
- [Interviewer] Okay, so I'm here on stage.
The lights are on me.
How do I hype up this crowd?
- Oh well, okay so what I like to do is,
I have some music playing and then I come on stage,
and I dance a little bit like, "Hey."
And I go, "She ready," and everybody's like,
"Yeah," and then I go,
"Is he ready? Are we ready?"
And they're like, "Yeah, yeah,"
and I'm like, "Yeah, all right,"
and then I just start telling jokes.
- [Interviewer] Tiffany, when did you know
that comedy was going to be a reality for you?
- The first break I got was on
Bill Bellamy's "Who's Got Jokes?"
- [Interviewer] What was the main reason you chose
to write your book, "The Last Black Unicorn?"
- Because I felt like all these experiences I have
must be to share with the world
so that they can know they're not alone.
- [Interviewer] What did you feel when writing it?
- Every single emotion you could ever imagine.
- [Interviewer] What's something you love being asked?
- All these questions you've been asking me.
- [Interviewer] Awh, well, honesty is your best quality,
right? - Yeah, well.
- [Interviewer] If you could go on your own girls trip,
like in the movie,
where would you go?
- South Africa.
- [Interviewer] Is there a Girl's Trip 2 in the works?
- Yeah, I hope so.
We been talking about it.
- [Interviewer] What's one thing
you've always wanted to do on stage?
- Tell jokes in lingerie.
- [Interviewer] What's in your Netflix queue?
- Ah, The Unfortunate Series of Lemony Snicket's Events.
I think that's what it's called?!
I love the songs in there.
And a bunch of cartoons.
- [Interviewer] Good stuff.
- [Brian] Hey Tiffany. Doors open up in five, okay?
- Oh okay.
We got to wrap this up because I got to,
got to let everybody in, and I got to get ready.
- [Interviewer] Okay, well this is perfect timing
because I have one more question.
How do you normally end your sets?
- I normally curse the audience
with all the joy and happiness they can handle.
- [Interviewer] Well Tiffany, this has been a pleasure
having this interview with you.
- Thank you. You're welcome
- [Interviewer] Thank you for - oh!
- Oh damn.
I didn't mean for that to happen like that.
- [Interviewer] It's alright.
- And really I shouldn't have did that.
I was trying to drop the mic, but the club owners,
they don't like it when you drop the mic
because that mess they mic up, and then ...
Okay it's still working.
All right, bye.
I was just trying to be cute for the camera.