10 Facts About America That Make No Sense to Foreigners
America.
It’s one of the biggest countries on Earth, both in terms of population and sheer size.
It’s the planet dominating superpower; the heaviest hitter where culture is concerned;
a place known by nearly every single human on the planet… and, to all but the 4-5%
of humanity who live there, it makes absolutely no gosh darn sense.
See, despite its cultural clout, America still seems deeply weird to foreigners.
And we don’t just mean people who come from repressive kingdoms and tin-pot dictatorships.
Europeans, people from Southeast Asia, Australians and Brits all find yuge chunks of life in
the good ol’ US-of-A beyond comprehension.
If you were born stateside, the following might not seem super crazy to you.
But trust us, every single foreigner is reading this with their jaw dangling open and their
eyeballs popping out.
10.
US Toddlers Shoot One Person a Week
Americans sure love guns.
The US has the highest rate of gun-ownership on planet Earth, and the least-restrictive
gun laws (only Switzerland comes close).
That’s all thanks to the 2nd Amendment, which has been the subject of near-constant
debate since being written.
But it’s not the sheer number of guns in America that really astounds foreigners.
It’s the crazy things that leads to.
Things like US toddlers shooting one person a week.
There’s literally no other country on Earth you could write that sentence about.
Even countries that are swimming in guns, like Serbia, Norway, and Switzerland, don’t
have toddlers blowing one another away.
To be fair, they have tiny populations, but, to be even fairer, c’mon buddy.
US toddlers have shot on average one person a week (including themselves) for the past
two years.
Even warzones don’t have numbers like that.
More bizarre still, America keeps on arming its toddlers.
In 2016, Iowa made it legal for babies to handle loaded guns.
That’s right.
The guys in the Hawkeye State elected to arm the very babies that are trying to shoot them.
How’s that for hubris?
9.
Bestiality is Still Legal in 9 US States (but premarital sex is outlawed)
Despite this being 2017, plenty of US States still have sex laws on the books that are…
unenlightened, to say the least.
And by that, we mean they were seemingly written by two guys named Festus and Bubba while necking
with their pet hog Clancy.
Incredible as it may seem, there are nearly ten US States where it is still legal to have
sexual intercourse with animals.
We say ‘nearly’ ten, because one’s the District of Columbia (not a state, kids!).
The other nine are Hawaii, Kentucky, Nevada, New Mexico, Ohio, Texas, Vermont, West Virginia
and Wyoming.
In addition, plenty of states still only consider bestiality a misdemeanor.
This would be odd enough if the US was a spectacularly licentious place, but it’s not.
In addition to allowing you to marry your bestest sow, four states still outlaw either
premarital or extramarital sex, or co-habiting with your partner prior to marriage.
While the laws are effectively never enforced, the fact they’re still on the statute books
attests to America’s unique mix of religious piety and deep-seated desire to mimic the
guys from Deliverance.
8.
The Highest Paid Public Employee in 39 States is a Sports Coach
Go to any other country in the Western world – Canada, Germany, the Czech Republic, New
Zealand, wherever – and the highest-paid public employee will be someone working in
a selfless capacity.
They’ll be the guys and gals running universities, or public hospitals, or the local council.
America, though, laughs in the face of such devotion to the public good.
Instead of rewarding headmasters or doctors or teachers, the highest public pay package
in 39 states goes to sports coaches.
Specifically, guys coaching football or men’s basketball.
We’re not talking comparatively small sums, either.
The salaries involved would be enviable in the private sector.
University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban, for example, rakes in over $7 million,
plus bonuses, likely making him one of the highest-paid public employees not living in
a corrupt dictatorship.
For those from outside the states, this seems less extravagant, and more like an absolute
inability to get priorities right.
Only Alaska, Delaware, Hawaii, Maine, Montana, New York, Nevada, New Hampshire, Vermont and
both Dakotas refuse to award their highest public pay packet to a football or men’s
basketball coach.
Interestingly, both Hawaii and Vermont, as you’ll remember from a second ago, still
technically allow bestiality.
We’re really not sure what to make of that.
7.
Over Half of All Americans Don’t Hold a Valid Passport
In 2014, polling company YouGov revealed only 8% of Britons had never left their country
of birth to travel abroad.
While this is maybe not all that super-impressive (Britain is tiny and France is close), it
puts the US to shame.
The same poll found only 50% of Americans would admit to ever having left the country.
That’s nearly 160 million people who have never been to Canada or Mexico, let alone
Europe or Asia.
For people who were born in Europe, that’s almost like saying you’ve never seen a glass
of water.
The idea of not going abroad from time to time is alien.
In places like Germany, over 90% of the population hold a valid passport, and you better believe
they use it.
But that’s Europe, we hear you cry, it’s a small continent with, like, a bazillion
countries.
Well, first, we’re pretty sure you’re exaggerating there, bud.
Secondly, look at Australia, a country nearly as big as the US, and more cut-off from the
rest of the world.
According to official data, one third of the population goes abroad every single year.
That compares to 50% of Americans over their entire lifetimes.
Clearly, the US is a travel-averse country.
6.
30% of Americans Prefer Saving Money to Vital Medical Treatment
Compared to other developed nations, healthcare in the US is expensive.
You can blame that on too much Obamacare, or not enough of it, but the fact remains
that public systems, private systems, and public-private systems elsewhere in the world
all deliver better service at lower cost.
This alone can seem staggering to foreigners.
Then there’s the American attitude to health.
Faced with a serious illness or injury, around 30 percent of Americans would rather walk
it off than pay for treatment.
This… simply doesn’t happen elsewhere.
Norway has the second most-expensive healthcare in the world, and pretty much no-one there
avoids necessary treatment.
Japan has an insurance-based, private system with payments often covered by employers,
just like the US, and people don’t skip out on medical care.
To find other people choosing money over hospitalization, you have to leave the developed world behind
and start poking around in poorer countries where wages are low and healthcare unaffordable.
We’re not trying to rag on American healthcare here.
America has some of the best doctors and hospitals going.
But the idea that you’d choose money over health (or that you’d have to choose)?
To non-Americans, that’s insane.
5.
7 States Have Custody Rights for Rapists
OK, let’s turn to some really, really dark stuff now.
There exists a certain subsection of guys who like to rape women.
Occasionally, this results in their victims getting pregnant.
Depending on where they live and their religious convictions, the women may then decide to
carry the baby to term.
Now, here’s where it gets creepy.
In around 7 states, it’s perfectly legal for the rapist-father to sue for custody of
his newborn child.
Imagine that for a second.
You’ve been violently assaulted, gone through the hell of guilt and self-recrimination,
been courageous enough to bring the resulting baby into the world… and now you’re forced
to watch as the D-bag who hurt you decides he wants to be a father to your son/daughter.
Well, if you live in Alabama, Mississippi, Maryland, New Mexico, North Dakota, Wyoming
or Minnesota, that can totally happen.
In addition, there are 20 more states where it might be legal.
In Indiana, for example, you can only block the rapist from seeking custody if you remember
to do so within 3 months of your baby being born.
This is some seriously dark stuff, and we guarantee that if you mention it to anyone
from elsewhere in the developed world, their jaws will drop so low they hit the ground.
Sure, some Middle East states may have even-worse laws, but that’s not really a benchmark
to aspire to.
4.
America Has More Self-Identified Patriots than Anywhere Else on Earth
In July 2016, Gallup released the results of their yearly patriotism poll.
They found 52% of Americans call themselves “extremely patriotic”, the lowest level
in polling history.
The news triggered a slew of introspective articles by American writers, wondering what
had gone wrong.
For those reading elsewhere in the world, it felt like stepping through the looking
glass.
52% is such a good score it leaves other countries eating the USA’s dust.
Such levels of patriotism simply don’t exist in the rest of the developed world.
In a similar survey by YouGov, only 13% of Brits thought their country was “the best
in the world.”
That was the highest score in the EU.
Germany and France got only 5% each.
The second and third highest-ranking countries globally, India and Australia, scored 34%
and 36%.
But the US?
The US busted through the 40% mark, with an additional 32% claiming America was at the
very least “better than most other countries.”
For the majority of foreigners, the idea of showing US-levels of patriotism is simply
alien.
You will never see a flag in every yard in any other country on Earth.
But that’s the US public for you: optimistic to a tee.
Even if they’re unhappy with their current government, folks still believe that the idea
of America itself is worth believing in.
3.
Americans are More Likely to Get Bitten by Other Americans than Rats
The stereotype is that Americans likes three things: football, fast food, and violence
(often all at once).
It’s true that America’s murder rate is crazy-high.
It’s also true that the national sport is getting drunk and starting bar-fights.
But surely it’s not as bad as all that?
Well, we hate to break it to you, but this arresting statistic says otherwise.
If you live in America, you are more likely to be bitten by another American than you
are by a rat.
To be clear, this isn’t because US rats are particularly docile or rare on the ground.
Cities like New York are completely infested, and people get bitten all the freakin’ time.
There are over 40,000 rat bites recorded in America each year.
The only trouble is, there are at least 45,000 human bites recorded right alongside them.
Again, this is a freaky fact for Americans, too.
But, also again, it’s just something that doesn’t happen in most other countries.
Sure, drunks in Britain like to hit each other, and Italian soccer hooligans are violent as
heck, but biting enough people to outstrip rats?
It’s something we can’t imagine happening anywhere else.
2.
Americans Take ‘Fast Food’ Extremely Literally
The US is the birthplace of fast food.
It’s the nation that brought the world the drive-thru, perfected the snack, and coined
the phrase “lunch is for wimps.”
Foreigners know all this intellectually.
But confront them with a statistic like the following, and it’ll still blow their minds.
Americans, you see, are the 3rd fastest eaters on Earth.
On an average day, Americans spend only 74 minutes eating, nearly the lowest in the world.
That’s only slightly over 20 minutes each for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and far less
if you include time put aside for eating snacks.
If you live in the USA, this probably doesn’t seem so weird to you (the working lunch is
an American specialty), but if you live elsewhere…
man, you’re probably wondering how the heck they do it.
In France, the average eating time is 135 minutes a day.
In Turkey, it’s 162 minutes.
Even in Japan, where people work far longer hours than in the US, they still manage to
put aside 117 minutes a day for chow.
The only other countries to spend as little time eating are Canada (72 minutes) and Mexico
(under 70 minutes).
This is probably to do with both the American hard work ethic and fast food culture, which
prioritizes productivity over relaxation.
The same can be seen in a related statistic on cooking times.
Nowhere else on Earth do people spend as little time cooking each day as in America.
1.
Government Departments Have Official Advice for Reporting Elvis Sightings
One of the things foreigners know about the US is that it’s full of wackos seeing wacko
things.
There’s a reason The X-Files was so popular 20 years ago.
But it’s one thing to hear about guys filming shaky footage of Bigfoot on their cell phone.
It’s another entirely to hear that actual US government departments have official advice
for reporting Elvis sightings.
Here, for example, is a link to the Federal government’s official website for copyright.
Hover your mouse over the link.
See that it ends .gov?
It’s impossible for anyone not representing a government entity to register a .gov address.
This site is legit.
It’s part of the Federal government, and paid for by taxpayers’ money.
And it includes official advice on how to copyright your sighting of Elvis.
This isn’t a joke section put up by some lighthearted bureaucrat indulging a whim.
It’s completely, mind-bogglingly serious.
Which means the government was getting deluged with enough requests about Elvis sightings
that they went to the trouble to post official advice about it.
OK, say it with me now, altogether: only in America.