- Oh, too bad you missed the assembly.
Not that it matters.
Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut.
- [Gossip Girl] Spotted, S, not so fashionably late
and dressed down by B.
Game on, ladies.
(match bell rings)
(upbeat music)
- Look, I made a mistake with Nate, okay?
But then you sabotaged me with Dan.
We don't have to be friends.
(grunts)
- What's up, Waldorf?
- Sorry, slipped.
- I'm fine.
(whistle tweets) I really wanna believe
that was an accident.
- Then you must be delusional.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah! - Come on, come on!
- Move it, move it!
(grunts)
(whistle tweets)
(grunts)
- [Teammate] Hey!
- Running out of colors here, Blair.
- Yeah and I'm running out of patience.
Enough, okay?
- It's enough when I say it's enough.
- Over here, I'm open! (screams)
(whistle tweets)
(Blair grunts)
- Girls, break it up! - Get off of me!
- Is that enough yet?
So we've actually come to physical blows, huh?
Truce?
- (cries) My leg!
- [Coach] Serena, you're outta here.
- Ow, ow! - Are you okay?
- I hope it's broken.
- Look, it was a mistake, what do you want me to do?
Self flatulate, wear a hair shirt?
- If you're referring to the hideous fur vest
you wore yesterday, I'm the only one that suffered
because I had to look at it.
Can you pass the salt, please?
My whole life I have been bending over backwards
to protect your feelings.
And you know what?
It's not my fault you're so insecure.
- And I'm sure it's not your fault you're so conceited.
- I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back
so I don't outshine you.
- Oh my God.
- Look, we can talk about all of this tomorrow,
but right now there are two very handsome French men
waiting to take us to the front of the line
at (speaking French).
Louis really likes you.
- Yes, he does.
And so does Jean Michel, for that matter.
I'll go back by myself and I'll come up with some story
as to why you didn't return.
You tripped and fell in the fountain.
- Seriously? No one's gonna believe that.
- Wanna bet?
(Serena screams)
(water splashes)
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck.
The only prostitute here is you.
Come on Chuck. I want some cake.
(gasps)
(upbeat electric guitar riff)
- Hey. So you're off to Yale?
- Your deductive reasoning skills are perfect
for a place like Brown.
- A place like Brown?
- An enclave of trustifarians and children
of celebrities who major in drum circles and semiotics,
whatever that is.
I can't wait for you to come home next Thanksgiving
a militant vegan-ista, anemic and proud.
- Brown is an Ivy League school.
- Everyone knows that the only real Ivys
are the Holy Trinity, Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.
- Well, I know you may find this hard to believe,
but not everyone wants to go to Yale
because not everyone wants to be Blair Waldorf.
- Not everyone can be.
Since we're not friends anymore, let me speak frankly.
You're not that smart.
You lack focus and discipline.
Charm is all well and good but,
in the real world, knowledge is power.
You wouldn't make it past the first round of admissions
at Yale, no matter how hard you tried.
Have fun in Providence.
Although I love Henry the Eighth, I prefer Sir Thomas More.
I think it's great that Pope Benedict
canonized him when he did.
- Oh, thank you.
Don't you mean Pope Pius the Eleventh?
- Quite right, Miss--
- Van der Woodsen.
- Van der Woodsen is it?
- Hi. (giggles)
- Most people don't know their Pope's in succession.
(sighs)
- Excuse me.
- How do you even know that, you slept
through history class last year.
- I love the Tudors. Henry Cavill is a total babe.
You look pretty calm for someone who no longer
has the perfect answer to the Dean's question.
- You don't think I came all the way here
without a backup answer, do you?
Oh, and it's a real crowd-pleaser.
- And now onto Miss van der Woodsen.
The person you would most like to have dinner with,
real or imagined, living or dead is Pete Fairman.
(laughs) I do not know this person.
Who is Pete Fairman?
(stammers)
- He's the man she killed.
Get your hands off of me, or are you trying to kill me too?
- A guy died and you use it as part of a game.
Who does that?
- It isn't a game and this isn't just another thing
on a laundry list, this is Yale, my dream.
You crossed a line.
- And so did you when you brought up Pete!
(purse thuds)
You did not just do that.
- Why do you think you were invited?
You know on paper you're not Yale material.
Could be your face on page six, your name everywhere?
Face it, Serena.
Yale needs to up their Q-rating,
just like all the other schools
and they're gonna use girls like you to do it.
- You shut up!
(Blair screams)
- I hate this stupid headband!
- Ow, my headband, God!
(grunts)