Hey there it's clay with modern love.life in this video, we're going to talk about how
to get your ex back by texting. Um, this is actually like a full process here about how
to do this, you know, obviously, because this is a YouTube video, I'm not gonna be able
to go into this and like crazy depth, but this should give you a big picture sort of
sense about how to actually make this happen. And of course, I think it's very unlikely
that you're gonna be able to do this whole thing through texting alone, but we can talk
about how to at least get this started via texting. Okay. If you haven't been in contact
with your ex for a while, because maybe you've been doing no contact or something like that,
um, then you may want to go back to the previous video. The one that I did, uh, yesterday on
how to get back in contact with your ex after no contact right up there in the, in the video
card right there, if that's what's happening and you need to calibrate to where they are,
I did walk you through how to do that in that previous video.
However, basically what you want to do is you want to meet your ex where they're at
get into some sort of degree of, of talking and communication with them. Um, if you do
need to, you know, get back in contact with them, I would probably send one of those calibrations
sort of messages. And that is probably what we're going to recommend that you do anyway.
So go ahead, send a message that is low on investment. That's low on pressure, where
you can just get a sense about where they're at emotionally based off of how they respond.
Uh, you know, if they respond warm and positively then. Okay, great. Cool. Go ahead and build
rapport, take things down to the emotional level. Do those reward and relate cycles like
we've talked about previously to build that emotional bond and connection, um, all that
sort of stuff.
If they seem a little bit hesitant about being in contact with you, um, you may need to,
as we talked about in the previous video, take a step forward, but through vulnerability
by showing them that it's safe to actually open up and invest in the conversation. So
again, you know, we're trying to match that level of investment. We've taken a small step
forward by just calibrating and sending them some sort of message we're seeing if they
match us by, you know, basically responding in some sort of way, it may not be the best
way ever, but at least they're responding. Uh, and then what we want to do is take it
to that next level, by opening up a little bit ourselves, showing them that it's safe
to open up as well, too. And so as both of your levels of investment is increasing, then
you can start to steer things in the same way, towards deeper levels of bonding, connection,
a rapport, building, all that sort of stuff.
Again, pull down to the emotional level reward, relate cycles, get into rapport. Okay. You
know, obviously if they're not opening up to you at all, then we want to, you know,
uh, maybe just address the actual issue. That seems to be up between the two of you like
hurt feelings than being upset about something that happened apologizing for something. If
you need to et cetera, if they don't respond same deal. Um, but basically we want to steer
things towards removing any emotional blocks that might be there and then getting into
that state of rapport and connection. Okay. Now after that, uh, you can do probably a
lot of this through text, but after that, we're probably going to want to move up what
we call the hierarchy of communication. Now, there are different qualities of communication
that you can have with your ex. Obviously like seeing them in person is the highest
form of connection that you can have, you know, whether that's going out together to
do something, spending the weekend with one another or whatever, this is like the top
of the hierarchy here, the bottom is going to be, you know, things like sending emojis
back and forth, maybe one step above that would be text messaging, a step above that
would be, you know, like sending an email or something like that.
I mean, emails and text messages are pretty similar, but the thing is, people go out of
their way to check their email. Whereas oftentimes people are just doing whatever they're doing
and a text message sort of interrupts them. So they have more of their attention, um,
above that would be maybe like the old handwritten letter that everyone's talking about. Um,
we talk about handwritten letter letter to some other time, but it's there. Um, next
up on the hierarchy would be, you know, talking on the phone, um, next up above that would
be maybe like a video call, something like zoom, something like FaceTime, something along
those lines. And then of course at the, at the top of that would be meeting in person,
right. And there might be a few other things that I missed, uh, somewhere in there, but
you can probably just use your own, uh, sense of judgment to figure out where that fits
into the whole hierarchy of communication.
But basically we want to move from texting to something else higher on the hierarchy
of communication. Now, why is this, you know, theoretically it could be possible to, to
actually get back together with your ex just through texting alone. But I think it's, it's
very unlikely that that's going to happen. Um, what we want to actually do is move up
the hierarchy because it's going to be easier to actually talk easier to actually connect
easier to actually form the emotional bond that you need to when you're actually bonding
emotionally. Um, you know, back when I was, uh, I dunno, maybe like 12 or 10 years old
or something I was, you know, actually okay, pretty decent at drawing things and like most,
you know, young boys that age, um, who are decent at drawing things, I decided I was
going to create a comic book.
And, um, so I got some, you know, uh, uh, uh, notebook paper and some pencils. And I
went to the library and I picked out a book on, um, you know, making comic books. And
one of the lessons in this book was the power of the image. Um, and to make the point, they,
they had a different panels where the text was exactly the same in each panel, but the
image, the, the, the person saying something was different in each panel. So I th I, I
wish I could find this old book, but anyway, uh, the, the phrase, the text, I think it
was something like, who do you think you are? And, uh, to make the point, you know, there
was one panel, there was like an angry, you know, scifi wizard that was holding a wand
or something, and
Saying like, who do you think you are? I'm gonna
Cast a magic spell on you and Kersey or something. Um, in the next one, there was, you know,
maybe a, a snooty uptight banker guy sort
Of going, like, who do you think you are sort of looking
Down his nose at the, at the viewer. And then the next one, there is some sort of, you know,
meek cowardly person, like holding up his arms to try to defend himself, like, who do
you think you are? Um, and then the next one, there was, you know, some sort of like sexy
space babe, or something that was a sort of flirtatiously saying, like, who do you think
you are? And so,
You know, the words that you say can be important, but it's easy to misread,
Read them through text alone. That's the point here that I'm making. Um, and so again, it
might be theoretically possible to get your ex back solely through text alone, but it's
going to be really difficult because of the high possibility for, uh, misunderstanding
things. Uh, you know, you don't know if you're talking to this space, babe, you don't know
if you're talking to the angry wizard. You don't know if you're talking to the snooty
bankster, um, like we don't know, but, um, uh, there's that high level of misreading
things. There's also the, the, the fact that for whatever reason, it's just socially acceptable
to just drop off of a text conversation and just not respond for some reason. That's just
the way our society is. Um, and so if things start to get too uncomfortable for your ex,
they may, they may just stop responding. Whereas if you're going to do something like that
in person over the phone or whatever, um,
It's, it's, they're, they're, they're, they're less
Likely to just not respond. They're probably going to respond to you and you can actually
stay with them and get through the conversation. You know, it's more socially acceptable to
just like, stay on a phone call, even if it's a little bit uncomfortable. Um, and as well
too, you know, if you're on a phone call, you can hear someone's vocal tone. You know,
if you're talking to the, the, the flirtatious space, babe, versus the angry wizard, um,
same with same with, you know, actually being able to see someone's face and their body
language and all that stuff. So that's why we want to actually move up the hierarchy
of communication. Um, so if you're texting and you're able to get a little bit of rapport
going, it's going to be really easy and effortless and almost natural and automatic to be able
to just say something like, Hey, it's really nice being able to talk to you like this.
Um, you cool. If we just jump on a quick phone call, are you cool if we, uh, keep, keep this
going by getting together for coffee next week or something like that, right. It's really
easy to move up the hierarchy of communication that way. Um, and then, you know, of course,
what we want to do is meet up in person, talk on the phone, video, call, whatever email
I don't know, um, and, and actually build more of that emotional connection. So you've
probably developed some degree of rapport through texting. Great. We want to keep that
going into an actual close connection with, uh, with, with someone else, uh, with our
ex here with our partner. And so as we continue to do this, as we connect in a deeper way
face-to-face or over the phone with our voice or something like that, we're going to actually
be developing greater levels of trust that we can't do through just text alone here.
Um, because again, words on a screen are much more difficult to interact with and much more
difficult to empathize with than actually seeing someone's face, actually hearing their
voice, actually hearing the emotion in the tone that they have, or the, the, the, the,
the expression on their face or whatever the case might be. So please don't think that
you should be just relying on text alone. It could be possible to do it. I wouldn't
put outside the realm of possibility, but it's going to be much, much, much, much, much
easier. If you are willing to talk on the phone, talk on a video call, meet up in person,
something like that. Okay. And then, you know, as you develop this emotional connection,
deeper and deeper and deeper, um, I think they're going to start to move through, you
know, the five stages of getting back together, by the way, if you don't know about the five
stages of getting back together, there's a video playlist right up there.
Uh, it explains a lot about your X's, you know, potentially confusing mood swings, mixed
messages, things like that. Uh, people have said that it's a really helpful series for
them, and it's really helped to explain a lot of the confusing behavior that maybe their
ex has, has done, um, in recent times. So check it out if, if, if you're new to this
channel or, um, if that's something that you need to refresh on, but, uh, by the way, if
you like this hit that thumbs up button for the YouTube algorithm, it does help a guy
out with his YouTube channel. It's a totally free way to support the channel. Um, and if
you want to learn more about all this stuff that we're talking about in this video, please
check out our course called the X solution program. It's over@modernlove.life slash E
S P that's modern love.life/e as in ex S as in solution and P as in program, that's E
S P.
Um, but yeah, what you want to do is you want to build that emotional trust, build that
connection over time. And what you're probably going to experience is that your exit does
start to move through these five, um, these five stages of getting back together that
we've talked about in this video that we've talked about in other videos have talked about
in that series. And, uh, you're going to build that, uh, degree of trust. And that degree
of trust is going to, um, reflect in their behavior. And then when the time is right,
you can actually talk about getting back together. That's when you bring up what we call the
commitment, collaboration, talk, where you're saying something like, Hey, you know, maybe
it's just me, but I've really enjoyed being able to connect with you a lot over the past
few days, weeks, months, whatever.
Um, is that something you've enjoyed too? They're probably going to say yes, because
you actually have been connecting with one another, then you can say, okay, cool. Well,
have you ever thought about getting back together? Sometimes that's something I think about is
that something you've ever thought about? And they'll probably say yes as well too.
And then, boom, you're talking about getting back together and because you actually develop
the emotional connection, this is much more likely to go over pretty well, as opposed
to, you know, back when you're in damage control mode, and you're just begging and pleading
and promising and all that stuff. So anyway, that's how I'd recommend you go about doing
all of this. If you do like this video hit the thumbs up button, subscribe to the channel,
hit the bell icon, you know, all the things you're supposed to do here, leave a comment,
letting me know what you're having for breakfast, what you're having for lunch, what you're
having for dinner. Um, leave me two comments, leave me three comments, whatever. But, um,
yeah, go ahead and do that. Also, if you want to get a little bit of extra help, please
check out modern love.life/esp. There's also a link for that in the description box below
this video. But once again, this is clay. Thanks so much. And I'll talk to you in the
next week.