hey everyone and welcome to top tank today we're going to learn about seven reasons that you're
still single now let's begin number one impossible expectations expectations are dangerous especially
when dating if you're searching for a new partner you may develop impossible standards you try to
find the perfect person but no one no one no matter how great will ever be perfect thanks to
those outrageous expectations you stay single for years waiting for someone that just doesn't exist
but where do our expectations come from there are a couple of reasons why people get extremely
picky about their partners the first come from a lack of experience if you've never been in a
long-term relationship it's difficult to pinpoint exactly what you're looking for for example you
may imagine dating someone bold and outgoing but in practice their extroverted personality
type may drive you crazy past romantic experience whether it's good or bad teaches you what you need
in a relationship bit by bit you get a clearer idea of who you work well with and who you don't
and without these important learning experiences you can only draw expectations from books movies
and role models you fantasize about a soulmate whose ideal in every way but that perfect person
is nowhere to be found a lack of experience isn't the only reason that people get picky
let's say your previous relationship didn't end well and after breaking up you listed all the
reasons why you didn't like your partner now you find yourself searching for their polar opposite
you set your standards so impossibly high to guarantee that nothing bad will happen in your
next relationship but if you're waiting for mr. or miss perfect you're gonna stay single for a
long time number two rigid routines people expect some huge dramatic reason why they're still single
do you think something's wrong with you are you looking for a reason why love has avoided
you for so long hey the good news is the truth is often much simpler all right answer me this
how often do you talk to someone new for most people the answer is rarely or never you get so
wrapped up in your daily life that you forget to explore anything else you spend time with
the same friends you talk to the same co-workers you eat at the same restaurants and you shop at
the same stores these rigid routines make your lifestyle feel stable but they're damaging to
any potential relationships routines are one of the most common reasons why people stay single
there may be nothing wrong with your appearance or your personality you just spend too much time in
your comfort zone you never open your life up to new possibilities so you don't meet anyone
new the less you explore the fewer chances you have to finding romance so what does it mean to
get out of your comfort zone well lucky for you there are a lot of different options you can meet
people almost anywhere bars and clubs are not the only option no matter what your interests
are there are countless social opportunities available the hard part is putting yourself
out there it's convincing yourself after a long day of work to get dressed dig up your confidence
and take a risk if you can do that if you can force yourself up and out of your comfort zone
you won't stay single for long number three reckless attraction are you only attracted to
the wrong kinds of people do you have a history of dating partners who don't treat you the way
they should you'd be surprised how common this problem actually is many men and women are drawn
to emotionally unavailable partners in one way or another these potential partners are a terrible
match yet you pursue them anyway but in a few weeks or months the whole relationship blows up
in your face leaving you single and hurts every time so why do you always fall for the people who
make you unhappy as strange as it sounds you may be choosing a bad match on purpose unconsciously
you may be picking someone who isn't ready for an intimate relationship why because you may not be
ready for one either without realizing it you're picking relationships that are doomed from the
start and that way when each relationship does fall apart you can spare yourself a little bit
if you want to be part of a lasting relationship you need to choose someone who wants the same
thing you find a partner who's not only emotionally available but also willing to
invest in a long-term relationship otherwise your bad selections will just come back to bite you and
you'll end up single all over again number four mental hierarchies imagine you're standing in a
crowded room when someone catches your eye you think about introducing yourself when suddenly
your head is flooded with self-doubt you think to yourself I'm not good enough for this person
why should I even try sure enough that insecurity stops you in your tracks you listen to the voice
in your head and you miss yet another opportunity for love many single people spell out a hierarchy
in their minds when you see someone attractive you measure yourself against them you use metrics like
height weight age and status to decide whether or not you're good enough for this person in
those moments the voice in your head starts to criticize you it whispers things like you're not
attractive enough or you're not confident enough and the worst part is you listen your inner critic
scares you away from romantic connections but those hierarchies are all in your head these
shallow metrics are born out of fear a fear of getting rejected you convince yourself that
you aren't good enough because you expect to get shut down you expect to fail without even trying
so if you want to stop being single you have to swallow that fear of rejection you have to
ignore the rules and the hierarchies when you're attracted to someone don't let your inner critic
hold you back because if you do you're probably going to stay single number five the pressure of
love is love your number one priority in life are you chasing romance with everything you've
got yeah I know it sounds backwards but focusing too much on love may be the reason you're not in
a relationship romantic relationships can be a wonderful thing but you can't depend on someone
else to make you happy love is important however it's not everything if your entire life revolves
around finding a partner that relationship is doomed to fail you've put so much pressure on
finding love that any relationship will collapse under the weights so before finding happiness in
a relationship you have to be happy with yourself you can't depend on someone else to fill the void
in your life because that pressure will only drive your partner away so don't rely on romance
don't spend every waking moment searching for love otherwise you may never find it number six
insurmountable walls have you been hurt in the past many people experience toxic relationships
which change them for years to come after a terrible experience it's difficult to wrap your
head around something new each time you expect the worst you find yourself worrying about the
tiniest issues paranoid you'll fall into the same traps and relive the same pain toxic relationships
leave behind lasting scars and those scars control your emotions and behaviors you may react to small
triggers like holding someone's hand if you're already afraid of commitment romantic actions
can dig up stronger more painful emotions and in those moments your brain responds the way
nature intended your brain is designed to avoid danger using a process called fight-or-flight
just imagine you encounter a bear in the woods in just a split second your brain has to make a
life-saving decision do I stand here and fight or do I run as fast as I can romantic relationships
can trigger the same response in your brain old scars teach you to be afraid of both intimacy and
vulnerability so your fears build insurmountable walls in your mind which defend you from danger
now at first those walls seem to be doing you a favor they're sparing you from pain in the future
but your walls also prevent you from taking risks and without taking risks it's impossible to truly
connect with anyone sure you may stay safe and sound behind your walls but lasting relationships
depend on vulnerability if you aren't ready to bring down your walls then you're more than likely
going to stay single number seven protecting your independence do you prioritize your alone time are
you worried that a relationship will absorb your entire life many people especially introverts
spend most of their time alone you get absorbed in your work your hobbies and your passions you enjoy
the peace and quiet where you can dive deep into your own thoughts and emotions and when you're
alone there's no one to consider no one to think about other than yourself the idea of sharing so
much of your time with someone else it can be hard to wrap your head around it's true that
relationships are time-consuming but you don't have to sacrifice your ambitions to find love you
can pursue your hopes dreams and aspirations with someone at your side that being said relationships
do require a bit of compromise you can't have it your way every single time for example when making
important decisions you have to consider your partner's feelings so if you're not willing to
compromise or give up your time you're better off living the single life hey thank you for
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