All desire is really the desire for... the desire to be divested of our limitations
and returned to our natural state of being, which is shared being... unlimited being. All desire is ultimately that.
The reason we are attracted sexually to someone else is because we intuit that in our sexual intimacy or union there is a loss of the sense of separation.
That's what we long for. We're not really longing for a few pleasant temporary sensations and perceptions.
That's not what we long for. What we really long for is the loss of the separate self-sense.
For human beings, sexual intimacy is one of the common ways that that is most effectively albeit temporarily brought about.
It's also possible to seek sexual intimacy, not from a... This is a different kind of desire.
A desire that is not motivated by the desire to lose our sense of separation,
but a desire that comes from the fullness of being. In other words, there is no sense of separation in us.
It's still possible for a desire to come from that place, in which case the desire is a desire which seeks to share,
and celebrate this felt sense of being. Again, one could desire sexual intimacy from this place of fullness,
where there is no sense of lack, where you're not seeking to lose yourself in the other in order to get rid of the sense of separation.
There is no sense of separation in you. In other words, you already feel your being is unlimited and shared.
Sexual intimacy, again, for a human being, is one of the most potent ways of sharing or expressing that absence of celebration.
Sexual intimacy can either be a pathway, it's one of the common pathways whereby we temporarily lose our sense of separation.
It can also be one of the most potent ways of expressing that absence of separation with another.
If we follow the first impulse, the first kind of desire, it does lead to a temporary loss of the sense of separation,
which is why it's an experience that is universally sought by everyone, but it doesn't lead to true intimacy.
It's the second kind of desire that leads to real intimacy.
I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with either kind of desire. I'm not suggesting the one is just making a distinction between the two impulses.
They both desire outwardly the same physical experience, but the inner experience, the place from which they come, are very different.
An experience towards which they lead is very different.
It sounds like everything that has come through you has been, in this retreat setting, has been directing us towards that second path of true intimacy.
And so I'm wondering, what we do here would naturally express itself. One of the ways that what we do here would express itself in human relationship
would be the second quality of sexual intimacy. There are many ways that what we do here could express itself in relationship or activities.
But the second type of sexual intimacy would be one of the inevitable consequences of what we do here.
So for me that lands as the sexual desire that arises within being... within the knowingly being
versus sexual desire that arises from a separate self that is trying to find something or trying to find being.
I guess that's how I experience your answer... and it resonates, so it lands, a sense of the second path being sexual desire.
Sexual desire, yes, that comes from the fullness of being. It doesn't come from a sense of lack.
You're not seeking to lose yourself in pleasant sensations and perceptions in order to avoid the discomfort of the suffering that you feel.
In other words, you're not using the other person. In fact, the first kind of sexual intimacy... it's not really intimate at all.
You're really using the other person to lose yourself and that's why in the end it's unsatisfactory.
It's not deeply satisfying.
There's always a feeling that it never quite fulfills what it promised.
You're left with a hollow feeling.
Whereas the second type of desire that I describe comes from the fullness of your being.
It doesn't come from a sense of lack. You're not seeking to get anything out of the other. You're not using the other.
It actually profoundly affects the quality of your sexual intimacy because what you're seeking in the experience is present all the way through it.
You're not aiming for it at the end.
You're not going towards something. You're not just heading towards orgasm and then it all finishes.
What you're really seeking is present at the beginning.
You don't mind how it ends.
You're not aiming for anything. What you're aiming for is the source of the affection between you.
It's not what you're aiming at together.
Although it profoundly affects the quality of your intimacy even at a physical level.
There's no sense of depletion at the end.
You feel the same fullness of being at the beginning and all the way through and at the end.
There's no loss. There's no lack at the end.
And, it carries on. It lasts all the next day. It lasts.
It doesn't come to and end. You don't just turn over and go to sleep.
It lasts all the way through the next day and the next day it lasts.
That quality of intimacy remains.
Your sexual intimacy is just something you do together from time to time to celebrate it.
It doesn't really heighten it. It's there all the time. You're sharing it all the time.
If you're making a cup of tea for each other, it's the same.
Going for a walk together without saying anything, it's the same.
Beautiful, Rupert. Thank you so much.