atonement is a slightly unfamiliar
old-fashioned an alien word it means
according to the dictionary the action
of making amends for a wrong or injury
and especially in religious contexts
reparation or expiation force in the
modern world chiefly believes that the
rightful way to amend for a wrong is
either to pay a fine or go to prison
these are in certain circumstances
surely the best moves but they fail to
deal with what is in the end the far
largest category of wrongs that humans
commit instances of everyday nastiness
error foolishness lack of empathy and
shortsightedness fining or imprisoning
on a mass scale is not realistic here
and yet leaving the wrongs unaddressed
seemed not quite right either
we need a procedure for atonement that
is both real and functions outside of
the judicial system here as in so many
areas we can be inspired by the example
of religion and in particular Judaism
it's been the particular insight of
Judaism to focus on hurt how easy it is
to feel it how hard it is to express it
and how awkward but also necessary it is
to make amends for perpetrating it we
find the religions response in what is
known as the day of atonement one of the
most psychologically effective
mechanisms ever devised for the
resolution of social conflict falling on
the 10th day of Tishri shortly after the
beginning of the Jewish New Year the Day
of Atonement or Yom Kippur is a solemn
and critical event in the Hebrew
calendar Leviticus instructs that on
this date Jews must set aside their
usual family and commercial activities
and mentally review their actions over
the preceding year identifying all those
whom they've caused pain to or behaved
unjustly towards together in synagogue
they must repeat in prayer we have
sinned we have acted treacherously we
have robbed
we have spoken slander we have acted
perversely we have acted wickedly we
have acted presumptuously we have been
violent we have framed lies
they must then seek out those whom they
frustrated angered discarded casually or
otherwise betrayed and offer them their
fullest contrition this is God's will as
is the requirement for forgiveness so
long as the apology is genuine all the
people are in fault says the evening
prayer and so may all of the people of
Israel be forgiven including all the
strangers who live in their midsts on
the day of atonement Jews are advised to
contact their colleagues sit down with
their parents and children and sent
letters to acquaintances lovers and ex
friends overseas and to catalog they're
relevant moments of temper infidelity
cowardice and greed in turn those to
whom they apologize are urged to
recognize the sincerity and effort which
the offender has invested in asking for
their forgiveness rather than let
annoyance and bitterness towards their
petitioner well up in them once more
they must be ready to draw a line under
past incidents aware that their own
lives have surely also not been free a
fault God enjoys a privileged role in
this cycle of apology he is the only
perfect being and therefore the only one
to whom the need to apologize is alien
as for everyone else imperfection is
embedded in human nature and therefore
so too must be the will to contrition
the prescriptions of the Day of
Atonement bring comfort to both parties
to an injury as victims of hurt we
frequently don't bring up what ails us
because so many wounds look absurd small
or strange in the light of day our
vulnerability insults our self
conception we are in pain and at the
same time offended that we could so
easily be so alternatively when we are
the ones who have caused someone else
pain and yet failed to offer apology it
was perhaps because acting badly made us
feel intolerably guilty we can be so
sorry that we find ourselves incapable
of saying sorry we run away from our
victims and act with strange rudeness
towards them not because we aren't
bothered by what we did but because what
we did makes us feel uncomfortable with
an unmanageable intensity our victims
hence after south
not only the original hurt but also the
subsequent coldness we display towards
them on account of our tormented
consciences all of this a Day of
Atonement helps to correct a period in
which human error is proclaimed as a
general truth makes it far easier to
confess to specific infractions it's
more bearable to own up to our follies
when the highest authority has told us
that we are all childishly yet
ultimately forgive ibly demented to
begin with the secular world needs to
learn from the Day of Atonement
functioning without a culture of
atonement implies that we are perfect or
that our imperfections are only things
that a court of law can handle or that
no one can be forgiven if they are sorry
in fact we are of course deeply
imperfect courts can't handle every
occasion of nastiness and we can't ever
progress and live together in society if
we can't regularly offer and accept
apology we need to learn from the best
sights of religion how regularly to
confess to foolishness and forgive it in
ourselves and others
we hope you enjoyed this film if you
want to learn more about friendship
explore our range of books games and
gifts all about friendship on your
screen now
you