If your marriage is feeling less than perfect, then I have some good news for you.
Even though your marriage is made up of two individuals, it only takes one to fix it.
I’m Brad Browning, relationship coach and author of the best selling Mend the Marriage
program.
Today I want to talk to you about a question I often get asked, and that’s “Is it possible
to fix your marriage on your own?”
The short answer is yes.
Since your marriage is based on a chain of actions and reactions, changing the way you
behave and interact within your relationship will in turn affect the way your spouse behaves
and reacts.
If your changes are positive, then the marriage as a whole will improve.
To get started, focus on making changes to the following aspects of your relationship,
and before you know it you’ll have fixed your issues on your own.
Let’s get started.
Surprise your spouse with praise.
In the early days of your marriage, you and your spouse were like song birds, constantly
singing each other praise.
But as time passes, it’s easy for those praises to wane and for the small acts of
love to go unnoticed.
To fix your marriage, make a point to surprise your spouse, especially at times when they
may be expecting criticism.
Once you get into the habit of doing so, your partner will likely follow suit.
Voicing your appreciate for the things they do will work wonders on your marriage and
it will also motivate your partner to keep up the good work.
Show your spouse you’re listening.
Everyone loves to be heard, so when your spouse is talking to you show them that you’re
actively listening.
To do so, free yourself of distractions, make eye contact and use encouraging conversation
fillers such as “I see,” or “Mhmm” to give cues that you’re paying attention.
When they are done speaking, summarize and validate what your spouse has said to you.
When you do this, your spouse will believe you were engaged in the conversation and appreciate
your attentiveness.
The positive effects will then be seen in other areas of your marriage as well.
Speak respectfully to your spouse.
During a heated argument it can be tempting to blurt out hurtful words or accusations,
and if this happens repeatedly it can put a damper on your marriage.
Instead of jumping the gun and spewing out the first thing that comes to mind, calmly
think about what it is you want to say and choose your words carefully.
You can still speak your mind and express yourself, just do so in a constructive way
that isn’t going to hurt your partner.
A major sore spot in many marriages is when one spouse feels they are constantly being
blamed or put down.
To avoid this and work through these weak spots avoid using “you” statements.
For example, sentences such as “You never” or “You always.”
Instead replace the “you” with “I” and say things like “I feel” or “I would
appreciate.”
Doing so will remove any agitation between you and your spouse.
Focus on changing yourself.
Humans are funny creatures in that they like to try and fix other people’s problems and
behaviours instead of focusing on their own.
When this happens, they’re usually met with resistance and the outcome is rarely productive.
Instead of looking at the areas your spouse needs to work on, focus on your own issues
and work towards becoming a better you.
Once you do, you’ll see the changes reflected in your spouse.
If you’re interested in finding out more about how you can change to improve your marriage,
visit www.MarriageGuy.com and watch the free video presentation.
Here you will also learn about the steps you can take to prevent a divorce, and how to
make your spouse recommit to your marriage.
Commit yourself to improving your marriage.
One of the most common reasons couples get divorced these days is a lack of commitment.
To help fix issues in your marriage find reasons to be dedicated to your relationship and establish
a sense of “we” that you can both work towards building and strengthening.
To get started, recall the good times you’ve shared and focus on those aspects.
Once you have this romantic mindset, sit down with your partner and lead a conversation
on setting goals for your future.
Nothing brings couples back together like making exciting plans with one another.
Avoid being competitive.
Competition has its place in life, but your marriage is not one of them.
Beyond playful competition, if you find yourself or your spouse trying to turn everything into
a contest, then it’s time to put an end to this behavior.
There’s nothing more frustrating, belittling or rude as when your spouse boasts an “I’m
right” or “I’m better than you” attitude.
Discussions and arguments with your spouse should aim to solve problems, not win them.
If your competitive streak is a result of feeling insecure, then work on improving your
self esteem and in turn it will improve your marriage.
Remember, you and your spouse are on the same team, so quit competing against them.
Make decisions together.
If you’re the spouse that tries to make all the decisions in your relationship then
it’s likely that your partner will feel disempowered and undervalued in the marriage.
Instead of taking the reigns or giving up your opinion completely, work on making decisions
together.
A major part of being a happily married couple is being involved with what’s going on in
your relationship.
Take a look at where you currently stand and whether you need to get move involved in your
marriage or give your spouse some room for her opinions, then make those changes.
Stay Positive.
Positivity is infectious and there’s nothing like being around someone who radiates happiness.
At times when your marriage is struggling it can be tough to keep a positive outlook,
but by choosing to see the good in every situation, the problems you’re facing will slowly start
to fade and your marriage will improve tenfold.
Always remember, when we surround ourselves with positive people, even the worse situations
have a way of making themselves better.
Be that positive person when your marriage needs it, it’s a great key to fixing your
marriage on your own.
Well that’s all for this video, I hope you’re feeling motivated and ready to go make the
changes you need to fix your marriage.
If you enjoyed this video you can show your support by hitting the like button below,
and feel free to post any questions you may in the comments section.
As always I appreciate you taking the time to watch my video, and if you’re interested
in seeing more from me, visit my YouTube channel and check out my Facebook page.
All links are in the description below.
Until next time, take care and good luck!