How does the narcissist handle rejection?
In short, not well.
By the end of this video, you'll know how a narcissist handles rejection and no contact
and what to do about it.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% divorce attorney and the bestselling author of the books, Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free: a Step by Step Divorce Guide.
And I've helped thousands of clients and people just like you go from lives of drama, trauma,
and chaos, to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.
And I do the same thing for you right here in these videos.
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So how does a narcissist handle rejection or no contact?
Well, as I said, not well and that may actually be an understatement.
Because the thing with narcissist's is that they have no inner sense of value.
They need to get all of their value from the external and how they do that is in the form
of what we call narcissistic supply.
So they're going to try to suck supply from everywhere that they possibly can.
And the only reason why they attach themselves to people, is because they're looking to feed
that beast, that never ending black hole that's inside of them, that must be fed with narcissistic
supply.
So narcissistic supply is that external sense of value that they try to cover up their inner
sense of fragility and having no value and that tiny little ego that's inside of them.
They try to as lather a big cover up on top of it.
And they do that in the form of narcissistic supply.
So supply can be anything in the form of compliments, money, big house, big car, the right spouse,
the right friends, living in the right place, the huge bank account, big salary.
All of those kinds of things, feed a narcissist ego and gives them that external sense of
value that they so desperately need.
The other form of narcissistic supply, it can also be devaluing somebody, debasing them,
degrading them, cutting them down, judging them, making them squirm.
All of those things delight the narcissist in a way, because it gives them a sense of
control.
It makes them feel like they're better you.
And so that also feeds that beast, that necessary beast that they need for endless supply.
So when a narcissist chooses a target...
Which by the way, if you think that you might be a target of a narcissist, you should definitely
check out my video on, are you a narcissist magnet?
And I'll drop a link to that below.
But if you are a narcissist magnet and you have been a target or a victim of a narcissist,
then you should know that the reason why they selected you, they chose you, is because they
felt that they could get supply from you.
So a lot of times they choose empaths.
They choose people who are kind, who are considerate, who are very loving, who are going to be willing
to help them in some way.
And they're seeing, okay, I can get value from this person.
Because remember your value to a narcissist is just the value that you can bring to that.
It doesn't have anything to do with giving you anything.
It's like, okay, how can I suck value out of this person?
It might be that you look the right way or that you would come from the right people
or that you know the right people or whether you have the right status or whatever it is.
Because they can't connect on a real level, they can't truly feel empathy or care for
another person.
So they just want to know what can you do for me?
So your value to a narcissist is just the value that you bring to them.
And as long as you're bringing value to them, then you get to stay in their space.
If you're no longer bringing value to them, then they really don't have any use for you.
But they can be discarding you and still have use for you because they can make you squirm.
So if you turn around and you reject that narcissist, and you go no contact, you are
basically cutting off their supply.
And so it's not going to go well for them, or you, actually.
Mostly for you.
Because they have this narcissistic injury, and that injury is that scab, that little
inner person, that frightened child.
Because something happened to a narcissist at some point in their life, probably their
childhood, which caused them to have trauma and broke something inside of their head.
And that narcissistic injury is inside that little person.
And so what happens is when somebody leaves a narcissist and triggers that, that narcissistic
injury is inflamed in some way.
Then it can trigger narcissistic rage.
And narcissistic rage looks like...
I'm pretty sure you know what it looks like.
But it can look like, basically, an adult having a two year old tantrum.
You know, screaming, yelling, intimidation tactics, lying about you, smear campaigns,
going after you.
And if they're a covert narcissist, they're going to be lining up their flying monkeys,
trying to get everybody against you.
All narcissists, you know, deal in gas lighting.
If you want to know more about that, you should check out my video on gaslighting techniques.
But the other thing that they're going to do is potentially violence, stalking, threats
of violence, especially if they are a malignant narcissist.
A malignant narcissist is the scariest form of narcissist, and I have a video on that,
that you're going to want to check out too.
They're the ones that actually have an overlay of an antisocial personality and paranoia.
And so they tend even take rejection or no contact so much worse.
So one thing that you should know is that rejection is the thing that narcissists fear
the most.
That's the one thing they do not want to happen to them.
And so if you reject them, then that's, in some ways, the worst thing that could possibly
happen for them.
Because you're taking away, you're snatching away that oxygen that they need, that narcissistic
supply.
You're taking it from them, and they really think that that's the worst thing that you
could possibly do.
So they're probably going to go after you.
Or they might just try to punish you in other ways.
But punishment is definitely something that they are going to want to be plotting.
They're going to want to get you back.
They're going to want to make sure you pay for making them look bad in any way, shape
or form or rejecting them.
How could you possibly do that?
And if this sounds like you and you're dealing with a narcissist in your life and you are
so ready to get them out of your life, give me an," I'm ready."
In the comments.
If you're lucky, the narcissist might just never speak to you again and maybe they think
that's your punishment.
If that happens to you, thank your lucky stars.
Because most narcissists don't take rejection and no contact in that way.
As many of you know, who've watched a lot of my videos, I've had to deal with a couple
of narcissists in my own life.
Not as husbands, thank God, but as people who were close enough to me to wreak havoc
and cause damage.
And I know for me, what they ended up doing is...
I tried to go no contact myself, which is something I highly recommend that you do,
is go no contact as fast as you possibly can.
But then you're going to experience all of these things.
And remember when I tell you this, that narcissists are the worst right before they're getting
ready to give up.
But sometimes their ego, they think they look more confident by going after you.
And so I know in my own life, I've had to deal with a couple of covert narcissist.
And so they felt entitled to do certain things to me, or go through other people to try to
get to me or get me riled up or get me upset about things.
One of them was an extended member of my family.
And so, try to use family members to go after me in certain ways.
And, you know, it's not pleasant.
It's not fun.
It's awful to deal with, but it's definitely worse to continue to have that narcissist
in your life.
And please remember that narcissists are very clever.
They know how to bring you in.
They know how to love bomb you.
That's what they did in the first place to love bomb you.
And so they're going to try to do whatever they can to love bomb you back in.
"Come on back.
Things are going to be different.
It's going to be better."
Because even if they were on the verge of rejecting you, they can't be rejected.
They don't want to be the ones being rejected.
So they may try to figure out a way to claw their way back into your life.
Don't fall for it.
Don't buy it.
Just keep on walking and move forward.
You know, Maya Angelou said," When people show you who they are, believe them the first
time."
So once you've already seen how they can be, don't expect them to change.
They can't, it can't be rehabilitated.
They can pretend to behave.
They know what good behavior looks like.
It doesn't mean that you're going to get them to actually care and have empathy.
So there's a lot of people in this world, seven and a half billion people find other
people to hang out with, find other people to be around.
So when it's time to reject that narcissist and go no contact, expect these types of behaviors,
but just hold firm.
Because you can do this.
Just hang on, don't give in, don't give up.
Just keep on walking.
So thanks so much for stopping by here today.
If you liked this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment.
Let me know that you were here.
And if you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, please make sure to grab my
free, Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet.
You can download it below or you can just go to winmynegotiation.com and grab it there.
And if you do have a narcissist in your life and you want to connect with other people,
who are also dealing with narcissists in their lives and get support from each other, please
feel free to join my free private Facebook group.
It's called Narcissists Negotiators by Rebecca Zung, and I will drop a link to that below
as well.
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I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad you were here.
Remember that today's a great day to negotiate your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.