♪ Zack Morris is trash (school bell rings) ♪
- [Narrator] Kelly won tickets
to the George Michael concert.
Who will she take?
Zack suggests Zack.
Slater states the obvious,
he's the superior choice.
Kelly needs time to think.
- Sounds fair.
- Time's up.
- [Narrator] Zack Morris:
founding father of the Time's Up movement.
Screech aced his science test
and is awarded by Dr. Mertz.
Zack cheated and still didn't pass.
Kelly tried her best, but failed.
There's another test Friday.
Kelly will be grounded if she flunks
and miss George Michael.
Zack fears for his tickets.
Zack commands Screech to tutor Kelly.
- So she'll take me to the George Michael concert.
- [Narrator] Screech is busy so Zack lies
and says because Kelly is Lisa's friend,
helping Kelly will help Lisa,
thereby helping Screech's chances with Lisa.
A circuitous deception to exploit his loneliness.
Zack announces Screech will help Kelly.
Lisa is not impressed.
Huh, who could have guessed that?
Kelly doesn't know what to say!
- (imitating Kelly) After I pass the test,
I'm going to take Zack to the George Michael concert.
- [Narrator] Okay, at least now Kelly knows what to NOT say.
Kelly visits Screech
and is impressed with his cool room and robot.
Unlike Zack,
who routinely lures women in under false academic pretext,
Screech actually tutors Kelly with helpful demonstrations.
Kelly finally gets it
and appreciates all Screech did for her.
It's Screech's bed time
and he needs a good night's sleep before school.
He walks Kelly to the door, total class.
Kelly, who gets treated like soggy meatloaf by Zack,
is smitten with a real man
who's smart enough to respect her.
Zack, a raging narcissist, badgers Screech.
- So how many times did my name come up?
- [Narrator] Here's a hint,
it's the same number of times you should have been born.
Kelly is, at last, ignoring Zack, hallelujah,
and is eager to resume their review.
Zack's in denial
until he sees Screech and Kelly going to creamy suck-town,
the one you can show on TV.
Zack, brimming with bitter horniness,
tattles about their burgeoning relationship.
Slater does not believe him and invites Kelly to a movie.
- I already have dinner plans with Screechy.
- And after that,
Kel-Kel and I are going to be studying at my place.
- [Narrator] Pet names?
Consecutive hangout nights?
Things are getting serious.
Zack, who arranged this, pouts.
Screech continues helping Kelly
wrap her perfectly symmetrical head around science.
Zack interrupts to return a tricycle
he borrowed from Screech when they were five.
Slater comes in, too,
but because he also wants help improving his grade.
Kelly says they're busy.
Screech gets rid of them since he values their time together
and wants Kelly to have his full attention.
Kelly plants a smooch on his cheek.
Zack hopefully dies.
Zack unfortunately does not die
and loudly says they need to keep this embarrassing
Screech-Kelly development a secret.
Zack's enormous mouth spreads it across the entire school
and then, the whole damn world.
Screech has an influx of attention
now that he's half of Bayside's hottest couple.
Zack, who should be happy for him,
hatches a plan for sabotage.
Zack baits Belding to make him ask what they're hiding.
- Certainly has nothing to do with Screech and Kelly.
- [Narrator] They're stashing supplies
celebrating Screech's imminent teenage marriage to Kelly.
Belding bombards Screech with advice
he in no way needs as he is not engaged,
taking time away from Screech helping Kelly
and from Belding doing fucking anything else.
Screech explains he is not getting married.
Zack's insanely short-sighted scheme collapses.
Zack, who did not study,
or even attempt to cheat better, failed.
Kelly got an A!
She thanks Screech by inviting him to George Michael.
Unfortunately, Screech doesn't like George Michael's music.
Turns out Screech and Kelly don't have much in common
beyond science.
They're just not a good fit.
Screech parts ways with timeless grace.
- Every ice cream cone has its last lick, Kelly.
This is ours.
- [Narrator] Beautiful.
Kelly is crushed.
Zack sees his opening.
- Rebound!
- [Narrator] He presses her in this trying time
about George Michael.
Kelly's too upset to go and gives up the tickets.
Zack offers no solace, he got what he wanted.
And we never see Dr. Mertz ever again.
After encountering a student impossible to teach
he probably fucking killed himself.
Let's review.
Zack Morris tried to force Kelly
into taking him to see George Michael.
When school work stood in his way,
he lied to Screech about his chances with Lisa
to make him tutor Kelly.
After Kelly's exposure to a decent man resulted in feelings,
Zack tried to disrupt the study time he demanded,
then shouted their relationship from the rooftops
to keep it a secret,
then tried to frame them for teenage marriage,
when none of that was necessary
as Screech and Kelly weren't a good match,
except Screech was mature enough not to force things
because all he wanted to do was help Kelly,
when all Zack ever gave a shit about was George Michael.
Zack Morris is trash.
♪ Zack Morris is trash (school bell rings) ♪