- [Announcer] Cheating Wives And Crazy Girlfriends.
(beep)
- [Narrator] A bit of our background.
We started dating in 1992.
We went to the same school for a year then.
In 1994, I moved to another town
to attend a different school.
We got engaged and she moved in with me in 1995,
and we've been together ever since.
Things were great until 2015, when we were out at a pub
and she met a guy, a friend of friends.
They started texting multiple times a day for months.
I didn't realize this until much later.
Being pretty dense, it took me a while to realize
that every time her phone would light up
with a notification, she'd run to the restroom
and be in there for a long time.
I finally noticed the pattern.
Eventually confronted her and we went to counseling.
She seemed to realize that what they were doing
was inappropriate.
Things seemed good again, albeit a bit at arms-length.
I've recently come to discover that she's been texting
with her friend from school for the last year,
whom she met whilst I was away, before she moved in with me.
After the 2015 incident, I've been on high alert.
So, I've been telling myself that we're good
and that he's just a friend.
What's got me worried,
is that she's never written to him in my presence
and she gets really flustered and defensive
when I see her Facebook Messenger app notification,
and ask her she's chatting with.
She'll reluctantly, say it's her friend from school
with no further details.
A lot of times, when I come into the room she's in,
she'll scramble to close apps on her phone,
then she'll run to the bathroom
and be in there for a long time.
When I do catch a rare glimpse of their chat,
it's littered with heart emojis.
It seems to be a repeat of 2015 all over again.
She also seems more physically distant,
but since we're only intimate
every two to three months or so,
it's hard to tell.
Does this sound like I should be concerned
or am I being paranoid after the last episode?
(beep)
- [Joemoorcsrz] I would be worried it's the same pattern.
Ask her flat out, what's going on.
Tell her it seems just like 2015.
Hopefully she'll understand and show you the messages
and it's nothing, but I doubt it.
(beep)
- [Smellslikemeg] When someone acts that way around you,
hiding or scrambling their phone,
there's something going on.
Whether it's nothing or not,
she still feels the need to hide these from you.
If you love her still and want this to work,
you need to ask her what she is doing.
Tell her how it's making you feel.
Remind her this has happened before
and that it's going back down the same old emotional route.
If you do this, prepare yourself mentally
for the outcome of it.
It could go either one of two ways.
She either cuts all contact and remains your wife
while seeking counseling again or you call it quits.
Personally, if that behavior persists,
you just can't stick around anymore.
Although a divorce would be messy, I imagine,
you're only 47 and you have time to find someone else
who you'll love and adore for another 25 years of your life.
Just because you're older doesn't mean
it's over for you romantically.
Know your worth, explain your feelings
and if she continues to cross your boundaries,
you need to find courage to leave.
I hope it all works out for you.
(beep)
- [UA443719] You should confront her.
There's a huge possibility it could be a repeat
of what was happening before.
If you were in your 20s, I would say leave her.
Because, if someone chooses to cheat on you,
even if it's emotionally,
it means they're not satisfied in the relationship
or they just can't keep it in their pants
and they don't respect you enough.
But you've been married for so long,
I can only assume at that age,
you have to have more maturity.
Sit down with her and tell her
you want to know what's happening.
Try a couples counseling and try to fix what's going wrong
with the relationship.
(beep)
- [Desperate_lecture] Deep down you know the answer,
you're afraid of what that means.
Is it worth for getting this indiscretion
that will probably happen again?
She is lacking something in your relationship
that she isn't getting, by no means is this your fault.
I am sure if you take a step back from your relationship
and look at it from an outsider,
you'll see that both of you are unhappy
and the relationship isn't thriving
like it was in the 90s.
There is no bad guy, it just that you both
have grown into new people with different needs.
Ending a relationship is so hard and scary, but so worth it.
My ex did this multiple times
in our eight year relationship.
Eventually I decided I was worthy of true love
and so was he.
Good luck and best wishes.
(beep)
- [Hristory] This is clearly a repeat of 2015.
I suspect the friend from school, is actually the same guy.
Demand to see the messages and don't give her an opportunity
to delete or hide them.
Resume counseling.
You've been together a long time.
If she's yearning to feel desired,
you both need to communicate your needs better
and work on your relationship.
You sound complacent and she seems restless.
(beep)
- [Lifehunter] I would recommend you to try
to see the reasons underlying her behavior.
You have hinted, since we're only intimate
every two to three months or so, that you are a bit distant.
Could this be the reason?
Could it be because she wants attention
and intimacy more often?
Aside from this, relationships grow old and dull,
unless both parties strive to do something
to make it interesting again.
You could try to ignite your relationship,
see if there's any change in her behavior.
I agree, talking as a key,
but not everyone is willing to do it.
Besides, deep in her consciousness,
she knows that it is wrong and most probably,
she is trying to legitimize it in her mind,
thinking it would not count as cheating,
as she is not physically involved with another man.
The more you corner her, the more she would try to hide.
Ask her how important your marriage is.
(jingles)
- [Sx-46-kk] I have been in the situation the opposite way.
So I was texting this girl and my wife stood aside.
In the end, I fell in love.
It was not my intention, but also before that,
it was not possible for me to commit to my wife
and for my wife towards me,
because she was also feeling distant
since I was spending so much time with someone else.
This is also painful and bad for trust in a relationship.
This is not a right situation where careful,
but direct intervention is necessary.
Either you or your wife have to agree that she has intense
and probably flirting relationships with other men.
So basically a polygamous relationship
or otherwise she has to stop this.
Question is, what she's getting from this contact.
Is she in love?
Is that the attention she is missing in your relationship?
Does she miss having friends around?
Anyway, it is not possible to commit to a relationship
if somebody else is involved.
Asking your wife abruptly to be totally frank
and honest about this friend,
what they talk about and her motivation to continue
the relationship with him is a good start.
But it might be very difficult for her
to be totally honest and acknowledge
what is actually going on between her and this person
and that this will have to stop.
If you feel that talking about this subject with her
does not solve it or she is not being frank and honest,
and understands your point of virtue,
I suggest you quickly both go back
and speak with your counselor to solve this problem.
Summary, be honest with each other
and discuss what the underlying reasons
are for her to search for attention
from other people in this way.
Maybe you have to work on your relationship.
(beep)
- [Fulgarts55] Am I being paranoid after the last episode,
only if this happened in your imagination.
When I come into the room she's in,
she'll scramble to close apps on her phone,
then she'll run to the bathroom
and be in there for a long time.
When I do catch a rare glimpse of their chat,
it's littered with heart emojis.
I would tell her that for me, this means cheating
and I would ask her to show me that it is not so.
If she does not do it or try to find excuses not to do it,
I would bring up a divorce and I would watch how she reacts.
(beep)
- [Hopefuleuphemia] Look, in my eyes,
anyone can have their privacy.
But an honest partner, when doubted,
shouldn't need to have anything to hide.
I text with multiple friends but if my significant other
ask about their lives or how are they doing, I tell him.
Simple as that, because they are friends.
If it's not simple, then there's something wrong.
I'm afraid you're not being paranoid
and I would encourage you to sit down
with your significant other and give her an ultimatum
to be completely honest with you,
because you at least deserve that.
She's being disrespectful towards your feelings
and your relationship.
Best of luck.
(beep)
- [Evileyeman] When you say you're only intimate
every two to three months, is this your choice or hers?
If it's yours, you need to address it.
If it's hers, then you need to work on why
she's lost her attraction to you.
There was a great book called
the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011,
that you can get on Kindle for like four bucks.
It gives great advice and exercises
to get her to initiate more.
It even talks about how to prevent getting cheated on.