-Here's how it's gonna work.
We'll each get cards with random word written on them.
Our goal is to work those words into the conversation
as casually and seamlessly as possible. You in?
-Yeah. -All right. Great.
These are your cards here.
You'll go first. And I'll just say something like,
"How has your new year going so far?"
-Oh, it's been great.
I mean, New Year's Eve though, was insane.
I mean, I went out with some buds, got drunk as a skunk.
[ Ding! ]
-Really? -It was pretty, pretty sick.
-Like a skunk? -Yeah.
-Drunk as a skunk? -Drunk as a skunk.
-Oh, really. Oh, my gosh. I had a different --
-How about you? -I had a different
New Year's Eve. -You did? What was it like?
-Uh, I did a lot of cooking.
-Oh. -You know? Just made --
I mean, what do you eat on New Year's Eve?
You go to the best New Year's Eve party.
-Yeah. -What do you have?
You have champagne. -Yeah.
-You have -- -Chocolate.
-Yes. You have caviar. -Yeah.
-You have frittatas. -Frittatas.
[ Ding! ] -Yes, frittatas.
-Ooh. -Yes, why not.
Ring in the New Year with some decent frittatas. Right?
-Yeah. Who doesn't love a frittata?
-Hello. -Yeah -- no, I love a frittata.
-You do? What is your favorite food?
What do you like eating? -I mean, I love Mexican food.
I love Thai food.
I'm a big candy girl, but I have --
I have to cut out the candy, before I --
before I run the ultramarathon.
[ Ding! ] What about you? Have you ever --
You exercise much?
-Well...
There was a -- I --
[ Laughter ]
I ran one years ago. -Ahh.
-And I talked about it on the show, and it was --
-You did well? -To be honest,
I didn't really run. -Oh.
[ Light laughter ] -And the way I was busted
is that my wife hired a private investigator.
[ Ding! ] -Oh.
-She's like, "There's no way that human ran a --
the ultramarathon." So, yeah.
-She busted you. -I got busted hard on that one.
No -- yeah, sorry. I'm not really --
I don't really work out that much.
-I feel like, you know,
when I come back from the holidays,
you know, people always say like,
"Oh, man. I feel like a beached whale."
But like, I feel more like -- I feel like a --
like a sturdy garden gnome.
[ Ding! ] You know?
[ Laughter ]
That's how I feel. -That's how you feel?
-Yeah, yeah. -After the holidays?
-Yeah. Not a whale, just a sturdy gnome.
-Yeah.
I've seen one of those things move before.
-A garden gnome? -Yeah.
-That seems not right. -It came to life.
Well, I was in -- I was doing what everyone does.
I was -- you know me. -Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-I got my comedy notebook, my pen.
-Yeah. -You know?
-Yeah. -I got my -- I got my vape pen.
-Yeah. [ Ding! ]
-I was vaping. When am I not vaping? I mean --
-You're so right. -Whenever I'm not vaping,
I'm not living is what I say.
-That's right. I always say that about you also.
-Plug in the JUUL. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -Yeah. Whoo!
-"Can I borrow your laptop?" You know? All the time.
-Yeah, yeah. -I love my laptop
because I love typing. I love --
-You do? -I love technology. Yeah.
-I like technology. But you know, I'm kind of old school.
Like, I feel like, you know, I went to high school
before everyone had a laptop.
I was into like, you know,
chorus and orchestra, band.
-Musical. Yeah.
-I played the cello for a hot second.
But I always -- I always wanted to play the saxophone.
I thought it was pretty cool. [ Ding! ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -You did?
-Yeah. -That is pretty cool.
That's actually a very romantic kind of --
-Very romantic. Super sexy, like -- which is also very me.
-Yeah. -[ Clears throat ]
-I --
[ Laughter ]
I try to be sexy...
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, yeah. -...all the time
as much as I can. -Definitely, yeah.
-I remember in high school once, I was -- I mean,
I couldn't even like, you know --
I just wanted to be like, cool. So, I slick my hair back.
I had like a T-shirt -- a white T.
I had my saxophone out in the fire escape.
-Wow. -And I couldn't even grow
a beard back then. -No, but the sax.
-No, I just glued -- -You're covered.
-Well, I glued on Alex Trebek's shaved mustache to my face.
[ Ding! ]
It's just Alex Trebek's shaved mustache.
I glued it to my face just to see if I could --
-That's a really good -- -It was romantic.
Yeah, I ended up -- I ended up married.
I'm married 11 years now. -Wow.
-Yeah, it's magical. -Wow, congratulations.
-Yeah, thank you. -Who knew that's all it takes.
-Yeah, that's all.
-Yeah, I -- I got married a few years ago, but we --
we didn't have -- we didn't have Alex Trebek's shaved mustache...
-Oh, I'm sorry. -...at the wedding.
-I'm sorry to hear. -We actually -- we couldn't
have any music at all because -- -Oh, my goodness.
-Because the restaurant didn't have a cabaret license.
-Oh, my God. They didn't? -Yeah. So no -- no music.
-No music. Nothing -- -But instead
we didn't ultimately, you know --
There was some older folks in the crowd,
but we thought about hiring a belly dancer.
[ Ding! ] -To spice things up.
-But you couldn't because --
-I mean, we thought it might feel -- you know,
it might be a bit much for the older folk.
-I remember. I was at the wedding.
-Oh. I'm so sorry, I forgot. -I remember you asked me to --
to get up and belly dance, and I'm like --
-And I was like, "Come on!"
I feel like you were made for this.
-Yeah, and so I did do it.
-Oh. -And I offended a lot of people.
-You were so --
-And I was thrown out of your wedding.
You know what I said when I left?
-What did you say? -Sorry, not sorry.
[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]
That was a smooth conversation! Rachel Brosnahan!
[ Cheers and applause ] How much do you love her?