Are you a natural with the ladies?
How about just with people in general?
Do you think you could use improvement with your overall social skills or mainly just
with your behavior around women?
If you’re like most of us, you’ve experienced hit or miss successes when interacting with
others, everything from awkward encounters at parties and in elevators to accidentally
blurting out the worst word vomit you could possibly divulge to that girl you’ve had
a crush on for a while.
Yikes!
How embarrassing!
Yet, you’re not alone.
We’ve all been there.
If you’re nervous around a girl because you like her, that’s okay.
You’re allowed to be nervous and you don’t have to hide the fact that you’re feeling
this way.
Be honest with her and with yourself.
Chances are, even if she picks up on it, she may find your nervousness around her kind
of endearing and perhaps even flattering.
Girls can usually tell when a guy likes them so there’s no point in trying to hide it
and, if they like you back, they usually find everything about you pretty adorable, even
your quirks.
Just don’t hit them with the crazy all at once.
There is a great quote from the 2005 movie, Hitch, which states, “If you’re shy, be
shy.
If you’re outgoing, be outgoing.”
As a side note, this movie is surprisingly accurate in terms of granting sound psychological
dating advice so we’d recommend watching it at least once if you haven’t already.
For the most part though, as long as you’re genuine and don’t try to lie or act like
something you’re not, you may find that the girl likes you back.
Perhaps you are shaking your head at us right now and accusing us of wishful thinking.
This may sound like a whole lot of cheesy mumbo jumbo but it is based on truth.
Believe it or not, the best tips for being good with women stem from the same rules that
apply for being good with people in general.
That’s right.
This is because girls tend to like you when they think other people do too.
It is something that is ingrained in our primitive brains.
During our evolutionary past, we had to rely heavily on others for survival, so it only
made sense to choose your mate based on those who made the best impression on others.
Today, we may not necessarily need to be social as a requirement for survival but the rules
that govern the fundamental laws of attraction still apply.
Because of this, there is a phenomenon known as the “cheerleader effect,” also known
as the group “attractiveness effect,” which is a cognitive bias we all possess that
causes us to subconsciously perceive an individual as more attractive when amongst others or
stationed in a group setting.
This concept has also been shown to be relevant when it comes to social media.
Experts suggest that you’re most attractive when displayed in photos with other people.
Just make sure that if you’re posting group photos on your dating profile, that the girl
knows which person you are in the picture.
She’s not going to waste her time searching intently through the photos to figure it out.
But online dating is a topic for another day.
So, how do you become more likeable in social situations?
You may find that being amiable with others goes a long way socially and with impressing
your crush.
The most popular guide for helping people with their social awkwardness comes from How
to Win Friends and Influence People.
In this, Dale Carnegie lists six ways to be likeable around others.
For the sake of making your life a little easier, we’ve already done the research
and found out what these six tips are.
First, be genuinely interested in other people and what they have to say.
Or, if you’re not interested, at least act like you are.
In terms of romance, don’t fall into the trap of repeatedly telling a girl that she’s
good-looking.
Be sure to show that you care about more than how “hot” she looks and help her to feel
understood on a deeper level.
You can do this simply by asking her questions about herself while being genuinely interested
in what she has to say.
In the conversation, when it’s your turn to speak, you want to let her know that you
were listening and that you understand her point of view, even if it’s the most boring
conversational topic in the world.
If you’re having trouble coming up with a response, sometimes repeating back what
you just heard can work wonders, “So if I understand you correctly, you’re saying
you’ve been having trouble choosing the right color dress for the dance?
Wow, I can see why that would be frustrating,” or, simply, “mmhmm, tell me more about that…”
to indicate that you’re interested in hearing more even if you’re secretly bored out of
your mind.
People appreciate the chance to talk about themselves and feel validated over topics
that may not be important to you but are important to them.
The second tip is to smile.
There is a lot of scientific evidence that suggests smiling can trick your brain into
thinking that you’re happy.
Plus, the gesture is contagious so others will be happy too.
Smiling helps you ooze positivity as well.
Studies have shown that simply feeling positive makes you more attractive to the opposite
sex because you tend to naturally behave and act more upbeat when you have a spring in
your step.
But don’t get too smiley or it could backfire.
Remember, there’s a fine line between optimistic and unsettling.
After all, you don’t want to have a permanent smile and look too much like the Joker from
Batman - yikes!
Sure that might work well for someone like Harley Quinn but the sad truth is she’s
fictional.
We’re sorry to break this to you!
So, while you’re trying to strike the right balance with that smile, make sure to think
of some of your assets or attributes that make you feel proud of yourself.
Apparently, out of all the positive emotions men were told to feel, women thought those
of pride were the most “drool-worthy.”
Though you can’t force yourself to feel these things, being around the right woman
should help you feel happy naturally without trying to put on a facade.
You may find that you’re smiling uncontrollably when you’re around her anyway - not quite
at the Joker’s level of course.
If so, just go with what feels natural in the moment without trying too hard.
We realize this may be easier said than done but do your best not to overthink it.
Third, a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound to an individual.
This is true for any language.
Remember names when they are given to you and try to use them.
Addressing people by their names lets them know you took an interest, which also satisfies
the first tip on this list.
Next, you know how you like to talk about yourself with others?
Well, believe it or not, others like to talk about themselves as well.
Hard to believe, isn’t it?
Thus, Carnegie’s fourth tip is to be a good listener, and we cannot emphasize this enough!
We get that sometimes this can be easier said than done, especially if the person you’re
talking to isn’t very interesting or you have been diagnosed with ADHD.
But try your best.
If you’re at least putting forth the effort, people will appreciate it.
Encourage others to talk about themselves and then refer back to the first rule on this
list.
In terms of romance, we’re going to go ahead and quote the movie Hitch once again, “don’t
be looking at her mouth.
Don’t be wondering what she looks like naked.
Listen to what she is saying and respond!”
We cannot stress this enough!
Five, speak in terms of the other person’s interests.
Uncover what someone is into and then try to talk on their level.
This is not as easy to explain since picking up on certain cues can sometimes be difficult
and require some natural ability.
But, for example, if someone claims to be interested in baseball, speak their language.
Ask them about the most recent game or who their favorite teams and players are.
Perhaps you’ll then kick off your relationship with that person to first base.
We are not necessarily implying romance here but it works the same way with that too.
Finally, Carnegie asserts the importance of making people feel important and doing this
as sincerely as possible.
After all, we are all human and we want to feel admired and respected.
Sometimes just going back to tip number four and being a good listener can go a long way
of making another person feel validated, which, in turn, makes them like you.
Think about a person you really like.
Why do you like them?
Because you feel good around them, right?
Odds are that you feel good around the person because they are good at making you feel important.
See what we mean?
So, now, in relation to flirting, maybe in the past, you’ve found yourself reverting
to the use of cheesy pick up lines: “Well, here I am.
What are your other two wishes?” or “If you were a steak, you’d be well done.”
More often than not, she may respond with a grimace and mention something about a boyfriend.
And, no, saying “I have a math test” and explaining you thought you were sharing things
you’d cheat on doesn’t exactly improve the situation.
It’s best not to come across as phony or deceptive.
So, what’s a guy to do?
Matt Artisan, a self-proclaimed world-wide dating guru discusses important things to
work on, most of which can be related back to Carnegie’s six tips.
Here, we’ll focus on a few to help you along the way.
There’s a concept Artisan calls “emotional contagion.”
It’s a fancy way of describing something similar to the “monkey see, monkey do phenomenon.”
In other words, a girl will return the feelings or behavior that she sees from you.
This is similar to a concept known as emotional mirroring, whereby we unintentionally reflect
emotion based on the mood of what or who is surrounding us.
You know how you yawn after someone else has yawned?
Or get nervous when someone else is acting awkward or tense beside you?
Or when another person is smiling at you and it feels so contagious that you can’t help
but smile back?
Anyway, you get the idea.
Artisan claims that when you’re attracted to a woman, she will pick up on your cues
and potentially become attracted to you as well.
People tend to like those who like them and there are a lot of subtle signs of attraction
that we pick up on subconsciously, such as when our pupils dilate, sending cues to the
other person that we’re interested.
When we like someone, we also tend to unconsciously synchronize with their movements, which also
circulates back to the concept of emotional contagion or mirroring.
For this reason, Artisan advises making your feelings obvious when socializing with a girl
that you like.
This includes the way you talk, the way you look at her, and the way you behave.
Get close, give subtle touches, be natural, and don’t be afraid to get flirty.
Notice we said flirty, not corny or creepy.
That is a crucial distinction to make.
Now, our prior discussion of being perceived as social with others ties in closely with
Artisan’s idea of “preselection.”
This is a concept that explains that girls will be more attracted to you when they see
you with other women.
A study in The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that single women lust over
men who are taken more than those who are not currently in relationships.
This may seem like a vicious cycle because, ideally, if you have a girlfriend, you don’t
need to worry about picking up other girls.
Yet, if you’re single, you’re not as appealing as someone who’s taken.
So, what should you do?
Go out with friends who are girls or simply talk to other girls in the environment.
You can also talk about other women you know, preferably ones who truly exist, but be careful
how you execute this.
You don’t want to come across as a player and accidentally discourage her.
It’s all about striking the right balance.
Next is exclusivity, going with the concept that people want what they can’t easily
have.
So, in other words, don’t present yourself as being readily available at the drop of
a hat.
What we mean by this is, don’t plan your life around hers and make sure you let her
know that you have some kind of standard, even if you truly aren’t very picky.
This helps you come across as solid in your convictions while letting her know that you
value your time.
She’ll respect you more for this in the long run.
Affection is also important when you start growing close with a girl.
Physical touch bonds people, from mothers and their newborns to couples in romantic
relationships and even just friends.
This has to do with the release of a chemical known as oxytocin, which is responsible for
helping people fall in love and bond with others.
If you give a girl a hug, just be sure that it happens during the right social context.
We wouldn’t suggest hugging a random girl that you haven’t spent time trying to get
to know for very long.
When engaging in a hug, it is important to be cool about it.
Letting go too quickly, like after a few seconds can be awkward.
On the other hand, holding on to the hug too long can feel creepy.
Thus, we suggest finding a nice medium between the two.
Also, don’t be the guy who is always asking, “where’s my hug?”- that’s creepy,
and hugs should come naturally, not be forced.
As a final rule of thumb, consider making extended eye contact.
Now, we’re not talking about staring.
No need to be creepy.
Be sure to keep blinking like you normally would, just be willing to give her your full,
undivided attention, especially while she’s speaking.
Keep your eyes focused on her and definitely not on your iPhone while she’s telling you
something.
Eye contact is another important recommendation that can be backed up by scientific evidence.
It is said that when people engage in platonic conversation, they make eye contact 30 to
60 percent of the time.
Lovers, on the other hand, lock their gaze for 75 percent or more of their interaction.
Looking at someone directly in the eyes also let’s them know that they are important,
listened to, and validated.
So, now we turn the matter back to you.
How do you feel about some of the techniques we have mentioned?
Does socializing come naturally to you?
How about when it comes to interacting with women?
If you’re planning to put any of our suggestions into action, we’d be interested to know
how it goes.
Keep us informed and let us know in the comments!
Also, be sure to check out our other video I Did 30 Push-Ups For 30 Days And This Is
What Happened!
Thanks for watching, and, as always, don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe.
See you next time!