the Megaman robot masters were not
always evil in fact most were mechanized
workers created specifically to make
life on earth more efficient and
wonderful and then that massive donger
dr. wily turned him on us so Megaman
destroyed them and the world was saved
but just how useful were these robots
and were they useful enough to chance a
robot uprising
what if someone ranked every single
Megaman robot master from most to least
useful to see which ones were really
worth the risk
don't you try to do that
[Applause]
it's me I'm the one who's gonna do that
before I get started on the gradient of
worth it to not worth it I'm gonna talk
about the protagonists or the good guys
even though some of them aren't
specifically good a lot of these robots
were built to be sentient for the sake
of being sentient and I do not feel at
all qualified to discuss the
philosophical implications of that so
I'm gonna put them over here Megaman
Megaman X Mega Man red they're all over
here I'm not gonna touch that so what
kind of robots are good when they're
sentient I think that it's things humans
cannot do things that perhaps only a
robot could do one that can think for
itself would be pretty worthwhile so
let's start with those ones the ones
that are good number one chill man chill
man is a recent robot master who is
built to help stop global warming and
heaven knows we need that definitely
worthwhile next is another cold friend
freeze man freeze man was built to make
a non-polluting energy he would make
that energy by splitting average
temperatures into hot temperatures and
cold temperatures I'm choosing to think
of that as something like nuclear
fission as opposed to choosing to think
of it as done commando man terrible name
but he was actually a minesweeping robot
one of the first gens elec man he
controlled nuclear power plants he could
help make sure the nuclear power plant
was shut down in case anything bad ever
happened to one hopefully it won't star
man he was built to explore the universe
humans are real squishy really when you
think about it it might be nice to have
a man going out into the Stars a star
man also in his flavor text he's
apparently a romantic and like loves
poetry and that's what we need out in
the stars while he's up there galaxy man
is helping figure out the trajectories
splash woman she's super useful because
she goes and helps shipwrecked sailors
or just people lost at sea I feel like
she'd do a better job than I don't know
the coast
whatever not that I'm [ __ ] on the
Coast Guard they do good I'm digging
myself in a hole wait we're toad man go
where's my guy toad man toad man he
irrigates crops during drought very
useful why'd they make him a toad ice
man I swear we have a lot of cold people
up here at the front he's built
specifically to do human-like tasks in
cold weather so he's good more cold
friends blizzard man there to help
monitor the weather in Arctic
environments looks and names can be
deceiving
and junk man is super important junk man
was built so he could find usable robot
parts that have been left out think
about how much electronic waste we make
it would be great if something could go
dig through all of our trash and find
the useable circuit boards that's
important Hornet man we've done some
[ __ ] to bees y'all he pollinate the
flowers would be very useful if we
continued to keep doing [ __ ] to bees and
finally we've got cloud man and tornado
man
they both are actually useful for
controlling the weather when things are
bad I'm gonna put cloud man in front of
tornado man because tornado man was was
built to stop tropical storms which is
not what a tornado is he needs a
different name there we go
these ones I would say are worth the
risk we still have like a hundred and
eighty more to go we got a bunch of
construction robots next we'll start
with everyone's favorite guts man
imagine there's a line right here maybe
I'll put it in an after effect that
might be too much work I'm probably not
gonna do that good once now we're into
construction zone guts man comes first
because he's a civil engineer he's not
only strong and can lift big rocks but
he can build bridges probably we've got
Aquaman and pump man both of them are
used for water filtration I'm gonna put
Aquaman in front of pump man because
pump man's flavour text explains that
sometimes he'll volunteer to wash off
graffiti and no one likes a narc bomb
man bombs ground man excavation block
man makes blocks concrete man concrete
Needleman needles
I guess it's drilling drill man also
drilling bit man from the DOS game he is
also a driller you think that after the
first two went bad they would have
stopped making drill robots right oil
man dass he does oil things hard man he
doesn't actually have a flavor text
explanation for what he is other than
that he's very heavy so I am assuming
he's foreground leveling but maybe he's
just big impact man piling cut man tree
cutting torch man dose welding fuse man
electrical equipment management oil man
keeping things oiled spark man makin
sparks I think he actually charges
things fire man he was made to
incinerate trash bonds man he was
supposed to be in the first game until
they realized he was just glue stone man
I assume bricks but actually they only
say that he hangs out with guts man so
maybe he's just moral support flame man
he generates thermal power but also he's
powered by thermal power which seems
recursive and also impossible joule man
he not only mines the jewels but he
polishes them finally in the
construction it's slash man he was
specifically made to cut down trees so
that you could build secret bases I
don't know why they insisted on saying
it was for secret bases that seems like
a waste of a robot to be perfectly
honest I don't think we needed to make
these ones sentient because you know
what hard man
I think steamrollers were doing just
fine now we're getting into a category
that I like to call sure they're not
necessarily bad I just think we could
probably do without wind man who
apparently helps with the harvest with
fans Astro man who just works on the
planetarium gravity man he can control
gravity which could be useful dive man
he was built to catch fish with
torpedoes they made him look like a
submarine and they gave him torpedoes
feel like they should have seen this
coming Solar man now he invested
it's solar things I guess he also
apparently developed an exercise routine
I don't know why they needed to put that
in the flavor text but it definitely put
him in the sure category top man I'll
give you I'll give you a guess about
what he does did you guess
explore other planets because yeah
that's what he was designed for why the
[ __ ] is he a top cat he's here also
connect forgetting the categories are I
can't stop ah
serious snake man he was supposed to
explore other planets that had crevices
and he's a snake gyro man he was
supposed to be a really good plane but
then wily ran out of money so they just
stuck a propeller on his back plant man
manages plants Pharaoh man only supposed
to explore ruins last man he manages
fireworks fireworks are dangerous don't
play with fireworks but also maybe don't
make a robot to play with them
I love nitro man I'm gonna be honest I
do feel kind of bad putting him into the
short category because nitro man was
built specifically to do motorcycle
stunts in movies the thing I really love
about nitro man is that he's the
president of a stunt Robot Club which i
think is just wonderful he's still not
useful here's where things get a little
bit difficult for burst man was built to
be a guard I'm not sure about robot
highly armed guards but since he was
specifically a guard keep saying
specifically I figured like that's still
defensive and so I'll put him here but
it's a good segue in the Mega Man games
not every robot was made by dr. wily or
dr. light and in fact there were some
robots that were made by other robots or
were made extraterrestrial II or were
made specifically as a joke like I can't
find my keys man I'm gonna put them kind
of as the split in the middle to say hey
these are nebulous but they're
definitely not good now that we've got
this hard line of good to bad even
though to be honest I think the line
should be here it's time for us to talk
about
the bad robots JJ Abrams some of these
robots were built specifically to murder
we can all agree that that is bad I'm
gonna put all of these murder robots
over on the very bad side we also have a
bunch of characters that are sonic
robots that is in the front to nature
they're in the bad side too I also
didn't even print out all of the net
navi's from Mega Man Battle Network even
though I love those games because those
were software built with the specific
intention of being mean online and
that's just Twitter I do just want to
point out air con man who was a robot
sent from the future to destroy the
world and he's also an air conditioning
unit now let's get into the fun part
these robots have absolutely no reason
to be sentient chemistry man he's from
the new cartoon he apparently taught
chemistry classes that were so boring he
put kids to sleep and then he took it
really personally I decided to become
evil sheep man he's a shepherd actually
tundra man built to do similar things to
all of the high echelon frozen people
but I'm including him over here because
he got really bored at his job and then
decided to become an ice skater this is
why you don't make sentient robots I
guess hypno woman she was a therapist
who hypnotized people into bad things DJ
Jazzy Jeff for eight nine five zero is a
boombox
you are a magnet plug man charged
volectro cool things like a plug could
do strike man sounds cool but he's just
a baseball throwing machine it's me
spring man ken jump bright man built to
explore dark places kind of like a
flashlight coal mines a refrigerator
seriously sword man he was developed to
hold a sword that Wiley stole from a
place he's not a sentient murder robot
he's a sentient picture-frame things
that don't really need to be sentient a
vacuum it's dust man although dust man
is quoted as saying don't let me suck
more than I can handle so you know
actually I take this back
he's more important than chill man we've
already done the worthwhile ones we've
talked about the construction ones we've
talked about the ones that are ok that's
fine we have all of the ones that are
alien and we've got the ones that really
didn't need to be sent we are left with
the dregs of robotic society I call this
category No
we'll start with crystal man he was
built to make crystals so that dr. wily
could sell them for money
turbo man is a car or rather he used to
be a car but then he was turned into
turbo man charge man is he a train no
but he's meant to camouflage as one I
think dr. Wily's just real into trains
you know what I think about when I think
of safety operations manager a big man
full of magma built to make sure a plant
kept safe but also had a bunch of
cauldrons full of boiling magma in him
time man
he's a time machine that never goes well
acid man was built to be a chemist would
see good for titrations
that's a chemistry giuse-san tar man he
was a tour guide
just higher at 16 year old like they
need the job shark man dose shark man
does not need to exist even like five
hours Magic Man was built to be a
magician unlike a traveling circus sort
of show and then he was not turned evil
he just decided to conscripted king's
army because he wanted to show off he's
the big rule of thumb magicians are
always evil shademan he looks like a
vampire doesn't he
it's cuz he was built to look like one
he was an animatronic robot in a haunted
house somebody thought we should make
that creepy animatronic robot sentient
who remember how centaur man was a tour
guide well so was dynamo man but they
also made him constantly shoot off
electricity that's a bad tour guy when
they got into like of the late-game
stages they were just like I don't know
he's a tour guide for a thing torch man
was built to teach kids about fire
safety in the woods which is kind of
like if Smokey the Bear was constantly
on fire
you thought torch man was bad let me
tell you about burner man who was made
and I quote to bring harm to natural
environments technically not murdered
definitely bad remember how I said that
a lot of these guys were tour guides let
me tell you about blade man built to
show off an old castle full of swords
and also was a sword Tengu man makes
typhoons okay we're at the final three
here we've made it and I'd say that
these three really hammer home the point
that we should not be making sentient
robots we've got pirate man not a murder
robot but was built to do pirate things
like steal from other ships he does look
cool as hell though the second to last
robot is not actually a
haribol robot idea but it is a testament
to just how trash
human beings are bounce man was built to
be a crash-test dummy
some [ __ ] thought hey you know that
thing that we throw against a wall many
miles per hour every single day multiple
times a day you know what would make
that better if it could feel pain what
luckily bounce man bounce from that job
and then became an exercise instructor
humans are trash finally we've come to
number one clown man who has ever
watched a clown and thought to
themselves boy
I wish that thing never got tired clown
man is terrible and I'm not saying that
clowns are terrible okay clowns serve
their purpose they're creepy and
sometimes good and you know what I do
take that back clowns don't serve a
purpose that's it all 200 plus Mega Man
robot masters of which 15 are kind of
okay Elon Musk don't get any ideas this
is what man has brought you will see
these men in your nightmares
particularly spring man jumping around
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