Hey guys, in this video, I'm talking about autism boundaries and five
reasons why you struggled, and this is exactly why you struggle.
all that is coming up.
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Okay.
So that is a, um, there's a question of boundaries with autism, right?
So anybody who knows anybody on the autism spectrum knows that autistic
people have, um, uh, an inability sometimes to understand boundaries.
And these just can come in many shapes and forms.
And so I have listed out five of the most intense, interesting ones.
Uh, the topic struggles, I believe that people have, and they face on a daily
basis having an autism spectrum diagnosis.
And I'm going to go through each one of those right now.
Break it down.
So you guys can really clearly understand exactly what I am talking about, but
yeah, let's get into today's video.
Okay guys.
So number one is the issue of standing too close.
Now people with autism have issues with, um, uh, with socializing, right?
And there's a socially accepted distance to stand apart from
somebody where there is a certain.
Kind of rule where you don't stand too close to somebody and
you don't stand too far away.
If you're trying to converse and have a decent conversation with somebody,
but people on the autism spectrum, um, sometimes have issues knowing how, how,
how far to stand away from someone.
And so this becomes a big issue, especially socializing.
So you're in a social situation, right?
You setting the scene and then there's somebody across the way.
And then there.
I'm expecting you to stand a certain distance away, but then
you're maybe too close to them.
I've had this loads of times where I've stood next to people and I'm
like, well, you're way too close.
I'm like, Oh shoot.
And I'm like, Oh, you know, personal space or read the room.
I hear this all the time.
And I'm thinking, well, how am I supposed to do that?
I have no idea.
Where am I supposed to stand?
How much is it?
So anyway, I figured it out.
So I figured out asking people, what is the distance I'm supposed to stand around?
Uh, so well situation.
And that distance is about one to two meters, which is about six.
Feet really, um, where you should stand apart from someone which
is socially acceptable to, uh, converse, have a good conversation.
And really, uh, just be typically in that situation with no kind of upsets
or starting too close or too far away.
So just remember, keep one to two meters.
And you're doing fine.
Okay.
And number two is knowing when to talk.
So one of the biggest issues are people, how on the autism
spectrum is in conversation.
Everyone has their turn to talk, right?
So someone talks and somebody else says something else.
And then maybe, um, talking of directing to somebody else, and then
they may be talking to this one.
It gets a big old thing.
Right.
And.
In this instance that are, um, certain rules that apply it.
So you know that when this person is talking, you don't talk over them.
Or when this person stops talking, then maybe it's your turn to talk,
but this can become very confusing because people on the autism
spectrum have difficulty socializing, social conventions, understanding
when it's their turn to talk.
When they.
But in with thier piece of information is a big old thing.
So, um, it's not acceptable to talk over somebody else.
So you've basically what you have to do is stop, wait for the person to
finish talking, and then you can talk.
One of the things I get told off all the time is I kind of talk over people
and I don't realize I'm doing it.
So I have to make a conscious effort to think, okay, well, somebody is
talking, I shouldn't talk over them.
I have to wait until they finish talking.
And then I can see my bit.
It's very difficult.
Practice makes progress with this one, but it's just something that
I thought would, uh, check in here because it's very interesting to know.
And to note that down, to remember when I'm talking to somebody, I
guess you've got to make sure that I leave it until they finished it.
Okay.
And then I can talk, but yeah, super good.
One will help you out so much.
Okay.
So number three, along the same lines as talking is knowing
when to stop talking now.
I am a huge talker.
I love talking at people about my special interest.
I mean the big thumbs up, if you ever talk at people, uh, for such a
long time, they're just like, Oh my goodness, what is this guy talking about?
We need like, talking about your special interest or parents or caregivers.
If you know someone on the spectrum and you get them talking about
something, they just don't stop.
So there is a big thing of knowing when.
To, uh, stop talking.
So one of the big issues that autistic people face is knowing
when, when they're talking too long.
Um, and, you know, knowing when people are kind of bored of what you're seeing,
because those signals are kind of blurred that they're, they're socially,
um, learned signals that someone is kind of bored of your conversation.
They don't want to listen to you anymore, so you need to stop talking.
And I was like, Uh, yeah.
How do I know when this is?
So, um, what I've written on this is try to keep a short, um, precise conversation.
Um, and that's the best way to keep talking rhythmic.
And so if you want to say something about the thing you're interested in,
uh, say it in about four sentences and then take a pause and then.
See if anybody else wants to chime in or talk anymore.
And then they'll tell you if they're interested in you carrying on, or if
they just want you to stop talking and it's, this is the most boring thing ever.
Or they may change the subject of the conversation.
This happens quite a lot too, but these skills I've learned
because I've tested these out.
And then I realized that like people were saying to me, like, you know,
you're talking to ages, nobody can, you know, listen to you for that long.
And so I said, okay, well how, how do we fix it?
And this is how focus on number four in our boundaries list
here, which is super awesome.
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please give us a thumbs up.
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So number four is knowing what not to say.
Now, autistic people have difficulty with filters, right?
So it's not acceptable to bring up like embarrassing and emotional, um, you
know, topics or stories about somebody or someone else, um, or yourself, any social.
A conversation, especially in group situations, like if you know a story
about somebody who fell over in mud and it was really embarrassing for
them, you wouldn't bring that story up in front of them and a bunch of other
friends, cause that might embarrass them.
But obviously people don't have that, like gauge it for the filter to know
like, is this acceptable to say it here?
Or, or is it not acceptable to sit here?
I just, I don't know.
So the idea is that if you know an embarrassing story or.
Anything that's emotional or something that is, um, you
know, sensitive to that person.
Only bring it up.
If you are an on a one-on-one conversation with that person,
if you want to talk about it, and this goes for yourself as well.
If you have embarrassing stories about you, anything that's like, you know,
potentially kind of like personal about you, you don't really want to
bring it up in a group situation.
You wanna kind of bring it up with your best friend or somebody that
you can rely on when you're in a one-on-one situation, because those
conversations can become very difficult.
And obviously having those.
Boundaries.
Um, I, you know, I'm that kind of filter is really difficult.
I still have difficulties with it today.
So it's a practice makes progress thing.
Okay.
So number five is correct.
Uh, engage and depart.
Now engaging the path when people are talking, um, they have an engagement
action where someone enters a conversation and they start engaging with other
people, and then they have a departure.
Which is almost like a passing, like they have a greeting to meet, and
then they have a, uh, like a departure greet as well, where they kind of
say, okay, goodbye on whatever.
And then they, they go to this.
Um, now, um, so to, to do this, um, properly, um, it's known that you
entered a conversation, uh, with a small greeting, like, Hey, how you guys.
Hey, sorry.
I'm late or whatever.
And then you wait for a response, like a question to be asked of
you before you start talking.
So you wouldn't enter the conversation, just say, Hey, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You don't have conversation with like, Hey, sorry, I'm late.
What's going on?
And then they would ask you a question and then you would respond.
Accordingly.
And that's how you enter the conversation now, um, before
leaving the conversation, um, just give a reason for you to patch it.
So a lot of the time I kind of just walk away from situations
or I can zone out and I walk off.
But if you're, if you're going to leave a conversation or a group
setting, just say to them, the reason, just all you have to do state, the
reason that you're going to go say, Hey, I'm going to go and use right.
The toilet or the bathroom or whatever, or, Hey, I'm going to go and grab a
drink or, Hey, I'm going to go, go home and get some food because I'm starving.
So as long as you actually give the reason for the departure, it's
completely socially acceptable for you to leave that situation then.
So this is a very good overview and an outline of the kind of boundaries
and stuff that people face and difficulties on the autism spectrum.
Now, if you think this kind of information can help somebody, please
share it on Facebook and Twitter and give this video a thumbs up.
I will see you guys in the next video.