-Robert and I have a lot of history together.
Not a lot of people know this, but back in the early '90s,
we both starred in a commercial
for an allergy medicine called Zynerma.
-Oh, my -- That's totally right. -Remember that?
-Yeah, that really eccentric director.
-Oh, don't even. The director.
-He came out of French cinema,
right? -He did.
Well, he had this thing that he wanted us
to have our line readings be really fresh.
Right, so he didn't want us to see our lines before the bit.
-That's right. -So every time
we went to the commercial, we were reading the lines
for the first time right there on set.
Well, I found one of our old commercials.
-No! -Yes.
-Oh, it's about time. -So, here for the first time
in decades is me and Robert Downey Jr.'s ad
for Zynerma. -Zynerma!
-If you suffer from seasonal allergies,
then relief is finally here with once-daily Zynerma.
Ask your doctor or pharmacist if Zynerma is right for you.
-Before Zynerma,
my allergies would keep me in bed all day long.
But not anymore.
Now the only thing keeping in my bed
is my fear of tall men.
[ Laughter ]
-Side effects of Zynerma may include thought blisters,
the mumps, hepatitis K, gooberlycosis,
tripolar depression and slacks, premature fatherhood,
stump lung, crispicks, and hat failure.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Best of all, they're shaped like Flintstone characters.
Not the pills. My nipples.
♪♪
-Zynerma shouldn't replace your asthma inhaler,
and it can't replace...her.
Sorry, big guy, but she's not coming back.
The sooner you accept that, the better off we're all gonna be.
♪♪
She actually wrote you a really long letter
explaining everything,
but I accidentally dropped it in the toilet.
My bad.
-Alright, now me and you together.
-Okay.
♪♪
-Wait, give me a second.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, ready?
Zynerma let me live again,
because I was once declared legally dead for 15 hours.
-If your erection lasts more than four hours,
that has nothing to do with Zynerma...
but congratulations.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-What the...? There's more?
Alright.
One time, I got a Lego man stuck in my no--
[ Laughter ]
One time, I got a Lego man stuck in my nose.
I blew and blew and blew, but he wouldn't come out.
He's still up there to this day.
Sometimes when I'm lying in bed at night, I think about him --
how old he is, if he ever got married,
if he's happy.
Then the Ambien kicks in
and I fall asleep naked in the front yard.
♪♪
-Whoa, I just r-realized something.
Zynerma rhymes with potato.
Wait, no. Sorry.
Tomato rhymes with "pot-ah-to."
Damn it, I just embarrassed myself again.
I guess my dry cleaner was right --
I'm a worthless sack of crap.
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, Tad. Hey, Tad. What are you up to, man?
-Hey, sorry, bro.
-[ Laughs ]
You know you can make --
Do you know you can make your own homemade Tylenol?
All you need is Skittles and vodka.
[ Laughter ]
-Ask your doctor about Zynerma today,
then ask your doctor for their number.
Doctors are good people to date
because they've already seen you naked
and most of them make a [bleep]load of money.
[ Laughter ]
-I asked my doctor if Zynerma was right for me,
but he said, "I've never heard of Zynerma. What is it?"
So I said, "It's a pill, dum-dum.
Just write the prescription."
Then he said, "That's not how prescriptions work."
So I said, "Pwease?" And he said, "No."
So I said, "Pwetty, pwetty pwease?"
And he said no again and called the police.
So now I go to the veterinarian.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Here's a list of everything I'm allergic to --
love...
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-I lived in the back of a Walgreens for three years
because my arm was stuck in the blood pressure machine.
-That's where I found him.
I took him home, hosed him off in his yard
and nursed him back to health with Muscle Milk.
-Soon, I weighed 600 pounds.
It was a long, hard road to lose all that weight,
and I couldn't have done it without a good friend.
-But after his friend escaped, I stepped in.
The rest is rock 'n' roll history.
-Thanks, Zynerma! -Thanks, Zynerma!
[ Cheers and applause ] -Once-daily Zynerma --
breathe deep.
♪♪
-Had a lot of... [ Cheers and applause ]
You got a lot of -- [ Laughs ] -That went on a bit.
-We did a lot of commercials.
I forgot how many commercials we ended up doing.
-Yeah. Very experimental. -[ Laughs ]
My thanks to Robert Downey Jr., everybody.