How does mindfulness relate to narcissistic abuse recovery, when you're talking about having gone numb or dissociating from yourself.
That's what we're talking about today at QueenBeeing.com.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by Athena Moberg and
CPTSDfoundation.org). My name is Angie Atkinson and on this channel, I offer free daily video coaching to help you discover,
understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. I like to call it toxic relationship rehab.
So if that sounds good to you, hit that Subscribe button and let's get going.
So if you've ever been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist,
you may have experienced various symptoms of PTSD or CPTSD,
which of course is post traumatic stress disorder or complex post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of having suffered from narcissistic
abuse and the mental torture that goes along with it.
One of the most common issues that my
narcissism support coaching clients tell me they have, is feeling like they're not really there, as though they're on a sort of a numb autopilot
situation as they float through life, surrounded by you know
some kind of barrier between themselves and the world. Everything feels sort of foggy and surreal,
it's called dissociation and while it may originally have
started as a way to survive the gaslighting attacks, you know the name calling and manipulation, all of that.
It can very quickly become a way away.
Sometimes you really feel like you're just phoning it in, going through the motions.
There are days (and sometimes weeks) where you just do the bare minimum
that you can just to get by. It's almost like you're avoiding life. It doesn't feel like you're doing it on purpose;
It feels like you're not controlling it. You're exhausted all the time.
Your body feels stiff, sluggish, immovable. Your joints and your muscles ache and your head feels like it's in a constant fog.
You're not really depressed, but you're definitely not happy either.
You just feel sort of... Numb. You feel like you're in limbo. Your house is a mess.
You may not shower as often as you'd like. You feel like you just can't function properly.
You feel like you can't get up and do what you need to do and sometimes even what you want to do.
It's kind of like some weird almost involuntary
paralysis. Like, if there was a fire, you would get up and you would go. But if you need a drink of water
or you need to go to the bathroom?, you're gonna wait as long as you possibly can before you move.
You rarely find yourself feeling alive excited or even happy. Colors don't seem as bright as they used to and food doesn't taste as good.
you feel unhealthy physically, mentally and otherwise. When it comes to your narcissist, you feel alternately
invisible and smothered. You can't stand to be around people for too long and you find yourself
isolating, hiding and never wanting to leave the house and you feel stuck, paralyzed. You start googling stuff
like "why am I so tired all the time", and
"how to stop letting other people's negative energy affect you". You read up on burnout, walking depression and anxiety.
You start looking for ways to get out of your funk.
You open 17 tabs in your browser and you plan to read and watch the best tips out there.
It's not like you haven't read all the articles and watched literally like every video out there on getting well, unstuck already-
but part of you hopes that something will jump out and smack you in the face with some amazing insight that will just change everything.
You already know about mindfulness and logically you get it.
You've even tried it in the past and you know that it helps, but something is different this time. You know all that stuff,
but you can't even bring yourself to do any of it. You know it will help, because it has helped in the past,
but you still find yourself not moving. In your head,
you try to psych yourself up so you can just gain a little momentum and start moving again.
You remind yourself that a body in motion stays in motion and you plan little baby steps
that you know will work to kick-start your energy again.
You think, "I'm just gonna get up and go walk around the block and that will help me
stop feeling this way" or "Maybe if I drink more water" or "I need to eat better/sleep more" whatever,
but when it's time to take action you feel almost as if it's physically impossible to do so and the cycle continues. Before
you know it you've pretty much shut down contact with the entire outside world,
and you don't care. You just hope no one knocks on the door or calls,
and if they do, you do your best to avoid answering either one. You have stopped living. Now,
you just sort of exist
and while one part of you is screaming at you to just get up and get moving again this other
(seemingly more powerful) part sits on your chest and it feels like the weight of the world.
You understand how the law of attraction
works and you are well aware of the fact that when you are focused on the fact that you cannot function
properly, you will not function properly.
Despite the fact that they can't quite put their finger on it, doctors and researchers may tell you that you have chronic fatigue syndrome
or a major depressive disorder or even adrenal fatigue. In other words, they don't really know all the answers themselves.
Alternative health gurus will suggest that you aren't eating well (and maybe they're right)
or maybe they'll say you need to detox your body (and maybe that's right too),
but again
it's not a solution to get to the core issue. Still, many studies linked narcissistic abuse to these exact symptoms,
the ones you're having, At one point, they discussed adding a new diagnosis to the DSM,
they were gonna call it narcissistic abuse syndrome,
but there's no pill you can take that will fully resolve this issue, at least not to the core.
So what are we supposed to do? How can we manage this stuff ourselves? And really why do we do is to ourselves,
even when we know better? We know that if you change your thoughts, you can change your life.
We can understand this logically,
but when we're feeling sad and stuck and flat-out paralyzed, we cannot seem to budge our minds.
Why is this such a difficult concept when we need it the most?
What is the answer? Sadly,
there's no magic bullet here,
but there is one way that you can shake yourself up and gain a little momentum so you can get yourself back on track. You
have to start small, because at this point,
anything that's more than a tiny bit of effort will seem a little too involved.
The honest-to-god truth is that you just have to do
something. Doing even one thing will help and you have to give yourself permission to do that, to just do one thing and
then to stop again.
Once you've done the one thing, if you do stop, then wait an hour, or a day, and do one more thing. keep doing this
every hour or day or week- however it feels best to you. Here are some ideas for things to try.
I know it might feel hard right now, but pick one and do it.
Any single one. Then comment below and tell me what you did or what you plan to do. Number 1. Go outside.
I'm not saying you have to go out for the evening, to the store or even to leave your front porch-
but go outside and breathe in some fresh air.
Let your skin be exposed to it and open your eyes wide, taking in the environment.
Notice the grass and the trees, or the cars and the people.
Spend five or ten minutes out there and be sure that you take deep, cleansing breaths while you do. Number 2. Create something.
Creating stuff can stir up your energy and some pretty surprising ways. Just start doing something,
anything at all that forces you to get a little bit creative.
Pour out your anxiety or your stress or your "nothingness" into it. Try writing in your journal.
Drawing something. Doodle on paper. Record a song.
Design something. Sew or sculpt. Cook something or
redecorate a room in your house.
Number 3. Clean something.
If there's something in your space that makes you feel overwhelmed and icky,
clean it up.
If it's your whole house that feels overwhelmingly messy
(which does happen when you're dealing with CPTSD and disassociation as a result of narcissistic abuse),
Then pick one thing and clean it up.
Maybe a messy table, for example, or a corner where you tend to toss stuff.
Number 4. Drink water. A lot of times we feel exhausted, because we're dehydrated.
This has a lot to do with our aches and pains in some cases.
Make sure you're fully hydrated experts say 64 ounces of water each day is enough.
Number 5. Listen to something. Listening to your favorite positive, upbeat songs can really empower you to get moving.
Even if it just means you sit on the couch and
listen at first. Force yourself to stop watching TV and listen to at least one good song. Something powerful.
Check out my favorites at Queenbeeing.com/
Playlist. Number 6. Pattern-interrupt something. Next time you notice yourself stressing or worrying about anything,
notice it, then realize that you're in a sort of pattern, that leads to your brain creating and reinforcing certain connections that lead to
habitually negative thinking, but there's good news:
You can change the way you think and (thereby sort of reroute those neural connections), by
simply changing the way you think. Uuse
simple pattern interrupts when you feel like you're stuck in a negative "loop".
For example, brush your teeth, wash your face, stand up, move into a different part of the house. Do something to change your environment
and/or to sort of bring yourself into the moment and into your body it helps a lot more than you might think.
Number 7. Stop obsessing about something. If you're anything like me you get to the point where you begin to obsess about the fact that
you're paralyzed. You know what?, this only keeps us stuck!
So start telling yourself a new story. Maybe to stop obsessing about being paralyzed.
You could practice intentional vibration management.
I think I made up that term and what I mean by it is to start being your own thought police.
So, pay attention to your thoughts and when you catch yourself obsessing about being paralyzed,
change your mind and focus instead on something you do want, on something that at the very least you have some control over.
Number 8. Stop trying so hard.
It's easy for us to get stuck, because we know we're not supposed to stop, but the idea that we're failing
seems to really drive us to keep going even if we're just going by beating ourselves up
for not going.
So maybe you really do just need to take a day or two off from life. Do it and then get moving again.
Give yourself some care and some compassion. Number 9. Yes, I mean take care of yourself. when we neglect our own needs,
we cannot keep moving in any positive direction.
It's just like the airplane when the stewardess tells you to put on your own oxygen mask,
before you help anyone else. When you're not providing for your basic human needs, you cannot help anyone else.
So take care of yourself, body, mind and spirit. Number 10. Trigger-proof yourself.
If you're triggered into panic or despair by sad songs,
movies and news stories, go on a negativity diet for a while. Only watch, read or consume content that is positive in nature.
This can really quickly improve your odds of finding your proverbial mojo again.
Alright now this brings me to the question of the day
and the question of the day is, What would you add to this list? Share your thoughts, share your ideas,
share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it.
I want to take a quick minute to shout out my amazing channel members. I really appreciate that
you took a chance on me and that you're here supporting my mission here at YouTube to help survivors of narcissistic abuse
discover, understand and overcome their situations so that they can evolve and become the people they truly want to be. Thank you,
it means so much to me. My awesome channel members and inner circle include; Angela falsetta,
Susan Marion, Roxanne Antle, Deborah, Black Caesar, LifesRevival, Tricia Wolf, James F,
Marlene, Jen Archer and Sarah Lee. Thank you again, thank you so.
Alright, that's all I've got for right now,
but as always thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey,
thanks for letting me be a part of yours,
It really does mean a lot to me. Now before I go make sure you take a look at the videos
I'm leaving for you right there and right there and
while you're here hit that Subscribe button right down there. And remember you're never alone, you always have your SPANily. I'll see you soon.