Even the most experienced public speakers falter when it comes to responding to criticism.
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You’re standing in front of a group, presenting
your ideas. Their faces might as well be stone. One by one, they begin to ask questions, challenging
your logic and throwing off your presentation flow.
As their onslaught continues, your worst fear comes true: that shaky voice you worked so
hard to tame starts warbling, those shaky hands you spent months stilling begin to tremble.
Beads of sweat begin to form on your temple. How could this be happening?
You walked into this presentation with unshakable confidence. You couldn’t be more prepared.
But somehow, the criticism from the audience is beginning to chip away at your armor. It’s
causing you to doubt yourself. And, like clockwork, all those dreaded anxious behaviors of yours
are starting to resurface. No one enjoys being in this kind of situation.
So how do we keep our cool when being challenged on the spot? In the face of adversity, can
we prevent our hands from trembling, our voice from shaking, and our mind from racing?
Yes. It’s hard. But sure we can. Want to know the dirty secret of handling
criticism? The critic will be more impressed by how you react than by how you respond.
Intrigued? Let this lesson be your go-to resource any time someone is criticizing you, putting
you on the spot, or trying to get a rise out of you.
Let’s get into it. What’s up Explearners. Mary Daphne here
of explearning.co where we believe social skills are the key to the Good Life. What’s
the Good Life? It’s where you call the shots, you have a crew you can count on, and you’re
on a mission you care about. Before I jump in, I wanted to tell you about
a great free resource we’ve created for the Explearning community. It’s a comprehensive
small talk guide. If you find yourself grasping at thin air when you’re in unfamiliar social
situations, then our small talk guide is for you! Click the link in the description box
below to get the downloadable delivered to your inbox.
Alright, on to the strategies. Someone just challenged you in front of the whole group.
What do you do? Let’s break things down into two parts (1)
how to calm your nerves and (2) how to respond with poise.
Done properly, this approach will turn criticism into yet another opportunity to impress the
audience and demonstrate your credibility. --
Part 1: Calming Your Nerves In order to calm yourself down, let’s begin
by understanding what’s going on in that brain of yours.
Without training, your mind will treat criticism as a threat to your survival. That sounds
extreme, but studies show that your physiological response to being publicly challenged mirrors
that of a life-threatening situation. This actually makes sense because, a few millennia
ago, when we were still living in caves, being publicly challenged could very well mean that
you would have to fight for your life. Fortunately, these days, the stakes aren’t
nearly as high. But your mind’s cave-man software is still very outdated. So regardless,
it’ll start doing things that get you ready for a fight. These preparations are great
if you need to throw a spear, or run for your life, but not so great if you need to instead
face an audience and speak compellingly. So how do we combat this?
1. Breathe The first step is to breathe. Seems obvious,
but it is hard to understate how important this is. When your mind senses danger, it
automatically revs up your heartbeat and shortens your breath. This fight-or-flight response
is what causes the shaking and trembling. By taking a few deep, slow breaths, you signal
to your body that there is no need to flee or panic. It sends a soothing message to your
mind. It sends more oxygen to your brain, allowing
you to think with more clarity. That’s important if you want to speak intelligibly.
Deep breaths also help relax your diaphragm and vocal cords, which have likely tensed
up (a common cause of a squeaky, shallow voice) in your panic.
We take dozens of breaths per minute, so no one is going to think you’re weird. You
can space it out over a few sound bites so that there’s not one, awkwardly long pause.
Take a deep breath, speak a little bit, and then take another deep breath. Do that a few
times and your body should start to return to a calmer state.
2. Smile Smiling shows that you’re not afraid. It
implies that you’re confident in your ability to respond intelligently. This will predispose
your audience to taking your side, whatever you say.
But smiling isn’t just about influencing the audience.
Studies show that your mind often mimics your behavior, rather than the reverse. In other
words, if you act relaxed, you’ll start to feel relaxed. This magic is at play with
the breathing tip above, and it applies to smiling too. To feel relaxed, it helps to
start by appearing relaxed. Smiling releases a slew of chemicals like
dopamine and serotonin. This will relax your body, lower your heart rate and decrease your
blood pressure. Above all, it sends the signal that you are safe and ready to speak confidently.
3. Use Power Posture Stand up extra tall, with your shoulders back,
and use open body posture (no crossed arms). Similar to smiling, this power posture signals
to the audience that we are in no way threatened by the criticism. It boosts our confidence
in the authority of what we are about to say. Likewise, this posture is telling our brain
that we’re strong and in control. It says: “I won’t be broken” and “I know what
to do next”. Part 2: Respond with Poise
Most criticism does not come from a place of malice, so it’s important to not take
the criticism personally. Separate your self-worth and value of what you’re saying from the
knee-jerk response of anger that criticism can evoke.
Here’s what to do: 1. Show Appreciation
You can appreciate your critic by saying “Thank you for asking that” or “That’s an interesting
question”. This is a great way to start your response because it neutralizes the potential
tension and shows you intend to respond with civility and grace.
Think about it this way: they listened to what you were saying and took the time to
come up with their own thoughts on the matter. That’s better than them ignoring you or
staring off into space. They are demonstrating that they want to engage with you on this
topic. And who knows, maybe their criticism will
give you the opportunity to see the topic from a brand new fresh perspective. It might
even be the catalyst for further investigation! 2. Be Humble
This is another great way to diffuse the tension in the room. Acknowledge the possibility that
the criticism is valid. You’re not perfect, statistics aren’t perfect, the people who
conducted the research you’re citing weren’t perfect, and every argument has its flaws.
By showing the audience that you are able to see things from the critic’s perspective,
you are demonstrating, in a very powerful way, your open mindedness. It lends further
credibility to the strength and comprehensive nature of your argument.
3. Demonstrate Your Authority Now that you’ve diffused the tension in
the room and showed that you are a reasonable person, it’s time to take a stand. It’s
time to defend your position. If you’re speaking publicly about something,
it’s because you have something to say. If you’re doing it right, you’ve done
lots of preparation for this. You know your topic and you have a strong sense of purpose
for delivering your message. All of that provides you with a very strong
foundation from which you can provide a response. Make it clear to the critic and the audience
that you’ve done your homework. This may be your idea you’re presenting, but it is
supported by reliable data and a large body of peer-reviewed research.
Your position may not be infallible, but it sure as heck warrants consideration. And you
should feel no shame or embarrassment about standing by it.
4. Challenge Them Now, this step isn’t for every type of criticism.
But, if you feel like they are mistaken, misinformed, or just downright bonkers, you can say as
much. If they are challenging you, you can challenge
them back. Let’s look at a few ways to phrase this:
“I shared your concern until I saw the data from this most recent study. Did you have
a chance to review that yet? It really puts this matter to rest.”
“If you recall from the last meeting, Fred, we ran over last quarter’s financials and
concluded the numbers were correct.” You can also put them on the spot by asking
them to clarify and elaborate on their criticism. If there is any substance to their comments,
they’ll be able to elaborate. If not, well then you just tamed the beast.
Also, it is possible that their line of inquiry is out of the scope of your topic. If that’s
the case, just say so: “That’s a great question, though it’s a bit out of the scope
of what we’re discussing here. Let’s make a note to follow up on that after this meeting.”
--- Now how’s that for a criticism response
strategy? It really comes down to two simple steps:
Part one is to keep your cool. Breathe, smile, and adopt a power posture to prove you’re
in control. Part two is to be polite and firm. Say thank
you, acknowledge their views, and then explain with confidence why you said what you said.
And if needed, challenge them. Remember, you don’t have control over what
people will say, think, or behave. But you do have control over what you say, think,
and behave. This is your opportunity to take the reins
and prove to people why you’re worth listening to.
So now that I've shared our thoughts, I want to hear about the last time you faced public
criticism. What did they say? How did you respond? What worked and what didn’t?
Share that with me and the Explearning community in the comments below.
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With that, have an awesome week, Explearners. Thank you so much for joining me and I’ll
see you next time for your next Explearning lesson.
Happy Explearning ⚡