THERE IS NO SECRET THAT I LOVE AMERICA, THAT IS WHY NO ONE
ASKED ME TO THE SAIDEE HAWKINS DANCE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
THEY KNEW I ALREADY HAD A DATE.
BUT LATELY AMERICA HAS BEEN CHANGING.
SHE IS NOT THE 1950S BEAUTY THAT I USED TO LOVE BACK WHEN I WAS
WAITING TO BE BORN.
NO.
TO BE HONEST, SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE MY COUNTRY ANY
MORE.
MY FIRST FADING MEMORY IS FOOTBALL.
YESTERDAY WAS THE SUPER BOWL WHICH WAS RUINED WHEN THIS POP
LOCKING MOUNTAIN RANGE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DID A HALFTIME SHOW.
THIS ELITIST CUCK SHOULDN'T BE A THREUD DO IS AM MICHAEL JACKSON
COSPLAY AROUND A FOOTBALL FIELD AFTER WHAT HE SAID TO REPORTERS
LAST WEEK WHEN THEY ASKED HIM IF HIS SON MIGHT PLAY FOOTBALL ONE
DAY.
>> HE WILL NEVER PLAY FOOTBALL, NO.
>> TO SAY MY KID CAN'T PLAY FOOTBALL BECAUSE I'M WORRIED HE
MIGHT TAKE A HIT IT IS INDICATIVE OF THE SOFTNESS WE
GET.
TO ME IT IS AN EYE ROLL, HERE WE GO AGAIN, ANOTHER GUY THAT WON'T
LET HIS KID PLAY FOOTBALL.
>> Jordan: YEAH, YEAH.
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
HE DOESN'T JUST LOOK LIKE THE GUY WHO BROKE MOLLY RINGWALD'S
HEART AT THE BEGINNING OF EVERY 8 0SEE MOVIE, NO HE MAKES A
GREAT POINT.
I HEAR THINGS LIKE 48 PERCENT OF AMERICANS WOULD ENCOURAGE A
CHILD WHO WANTED TO PLAY FOOTBALL TO PLAY A DIFFERENT
SPORT DUE TO CONCERNS ABOUT CONCUSSION.
AND I WONDER, WHERE THE HELL AM I?
I HIT MY HEAD AND I'M NOW HALL USE NATURING AN AMERICA WHERE
PEOPLE AREN'T EXCITED TO SEND THEIR TOTS OFF TO BATTLE ON THE
GRID IRON?
WHO CARES.
PLAYERS RISK TURNING THEIR BRAINS INTO DECONSTRUCTED
LASAGNA.
THEY DO IT FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
THEY GET SNEAKERS WITH THEIR NAMES ON THEM!
BUT SOME FATHERS ARE JUST WUSSES WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND A THING
ABOUT FOOTBALL.
WEAK, PENNY WASTES LIKE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND MIKE DIT KA.
-- TYPICAL, MID WESTERN COASTAL ELITE.
IF THIS CONTINUES, WHAT IS NEXT.
KIDS PLAYING BASKETBALL WRAPPED IN BUBBLE WRAP, DIVERS LAND NGHT
BALL PIT FROM DAVE & BUSTERS.
PEOPLE PLAYING SOCCER.
(LAUGHTER) IT MAKES ME SICK.
THIS ISN'T EVEN MY COUNTRY ANY MORE.
AND IT'S NOT JUST FOOTBALL, NO WE MAY LOSE OUR GREAT AMERICAN
PASTTIME.
NO, NOT BASEBALL, BOWL BULL INDIGENOUS PEOPLE.
WE COMBINE BOTH OF THESE PASSIONS IN THE CLEVELAND
INDIANS.
HOWEVER, INSTEAD I SAID IT BEFORE, AMERICA IS CHANGING AND
I DON'T LIKE IT.
>> THE CLEVELAND INDIANS ANNOUNCED THE REMOVAL OF THEIR
CONTROVERSIAL CHIEF WAHOO LOGO FROM CAPS AND JERSEYS STARTING
IN 2019.
>> MANY GROUPS CONSIDER IT RACIST AND OFFENSIVE.
>> I THINK THEY FINALLY CAVED.
1947 WE HAVE BEEN SEEING CHIEF WAHOO AS A LOGO.
PART OF THE MOVIE MAJOR LEAGUE.
>> Jordan: YEAH, HE WAS.
CHIEF WAHOO WAS IN "MAJOR LEAGUE" AND EVERYONE IN THAT
MOVIE IS STILL STANDING PROU (LAUGHTER)
BUT THE SNOWFLAKES WANT TO COMPLETELY DISREGARD THE TEAM'S
LEGACY.
SORRY LIBS THEY ARE THE CLEVELAND INDIANS AND THEY
ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.
EXCEPT WHEN THEY WERE A MINOR LEAGUE TEAM CALLED THE CLEAF
LAND LAKESHORES, AND A YEAR LATER WHEN THEY WERE RENAMED THE
CLEVELAND BLUE BIRDSnd A YEAR AFTER THAT THEY PRT
CLEVELAND BRONCOS.
AND THE NEXT YEAR THEY WERE NAMED THE CLEEF LATH AND THEN
THE CLEVELAND MILLIONEE MAGUIRES WHICH IS VERY, VERY CONFUSING.
BUT THEN THEY BECAME THE CLEVELAND INDIANS.
SO HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY CHANGE IT!
THIS IS ANOTHER CASE OF LIBS FROTHING AT THE MOUTH TRYING TO
TAKE AWAY OUR HISTORY.
WHAT IS NEXT.
TAKING AWAY OUR CONFEDERATE STATUES AND TODDLER SIGNIFICANT
ARS.
-- CIGARS, WHICH ARE-- WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, THEY ARE
TEMPORARILY STILL AVAILABLE IN THE SHOPPOSITION.
THIS IS NOT THE AMERICA I KNOW.
BUT WE'RE NOT DONE.
PREPARE TO LOSE YOUR APPETITE.
BECAUSE CONCERN EL SANDERS IS NOW GIRL-NAL SANDERS.
>> REBA McENTIRE NOW ROCKING THE WHITE SUIT AND STRING TIE,
YES, THAT IS HER, MAKING HER THE FIRST FEMALE TO TAKE OVER THE
ROLE.
A LOT OF COMMENTS, I WILL LEAVE THEM RIGHT HERE.
>> NO PETE, NO.
DO NOT KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS INSIDE.
YOU KNOW THAT GIVES YOU A TUMMY ACHE.
LOOK, I'M NO SEXIST, MY DOCTOR SAYS I'M HALF LADY DNA.
(LAUGHTER) BUT A WOMAN JUST DOESN'T HAVE
THE STAMINA TO BE THE COLONEL.
WE NEED SOMEONE STRONG AND TOUGH TO GUARD THE SECRET SPICE.
WHAND IS WITH THE PANTSUIT AND SHORT COIFFED HAIR T IS LIKE
STOP IT, REBBA GO BACK TO THE WOODS AND RELEASE YOUR EMAILS!
THIS CAN'T BE AMERICA, IT JUST CAN'T.
IT'S-- GET ME OUT OF IT CHUCK, GIVE ME A LAND I CAN RECOGNIZE,
DO GUNS STILL OUTNUMBER PEOPLE HERE?
>> THEY DO.
>> Jordan: GOOD.
CAN YOU STILL GET A ROOT CANAL IN A WAL-MART.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jordan: PERFECT.
DO MORE PEOPLE STILL LIVE IN PRISON THAN IN WYOMING?
>> THEN WYOMING AND SOUTH DAKOTA COMBINED.
>> Jordan: I LOVE IT.
WHOOO.
YEAH, THIS IS DEFINITELY STILL