DM Gives ADHD Player A Murder Kelpie
So this could have been a horror story so easily but DM is the best I've ever had.
For background I have a few disorders, ADD/ADHD, C-PTSD, Depression, Anxiety and even a touch
of the 'Tisim as they say.
(I've also got Dyslexia and Dysgraphia but those don't really play in here as we use
battle maps for big battles so I don't have to try and hold spacing in my brain.
Sorry if this is long I just feel like I need to explain why murder Kelpie came about.
(Party mentioned is Me, Bard, and Monk.
We do have an artificer and a rogue but they don't come up.)
Now as anyone who's got ADHD or is close to someone who does will tell you we struggle
HARD with impulse control, and seeing long term consequences especially on 'invisible
things' like credit cards, or imaginary Paladins going down the spooky tunnel.
Interrupting is also an issue but we had a meme channel and I would just meme there to
keep from speaking up during someone else's RP.
Well My Paladin (Rayla) is an impulsive golden retriever, (I once tried to pet a BABY displacer
beast) and the party would give her shit for it.
Get on to her in rp.
There was a lot of 'why can't you just stay put.'
'Why couldn't you see the fall out of doing xyz.'
I'd ask out of game and everyone would say that they weren't mad at Rayla.
Other party members would act out and do stupid things like go on a drug trip during a rescue
mission but never got called out.
Rayla always got ragged on.
I'd ask and DM and Party kept saying they weren't mad but the party would then be mad
in game.
DM said she liked how she could dangle shiny plot hooks in front of me and I'd chase them
with all the confidence that comes with being a tank.
It took a long time for me to speak up about how I know it's in game jesting but it was
actually starting to hurt my feelings as that part of Rayla wasn't a part I made up for
play, that was my own disorder unmasked.
Things got a little better, but still there were 'harmless' jabs.
I was so afraid of being a problem player or starting drama when everyone else was having
fun I didn't say anything.
Should have because it just started to build up.
Now there was a massive snow storm that hit right as I ran out of my meds.
It lasted all the way into the weekend when the pharmacy wasn't even open.
Shit thing about psych meds is they can take forever to build up enough to be effective,
but they clear out faster than bad taco bell and black coffee after a cigarette break.
By game day I had been in full withdrawal for two days and wouldn't get my meds back
till the next morning.
DM asked if I was good to play, and I said yes as I thought I was.
We open the discord call and I say 'As a heads up, I haven't been on meds for a few days'.
The party all knew I wasn't neurotypical.
Well Monk looked at me and said "So Rayla's just going to be more Rayla-y."
He then mentioned how I was clearly doing it for attention, and every adult could see
action and their consequence.
Maybe it shouldn't have hit me as hard as it did but it felt like getting punched in
the stomach.
The game went on with them still making jabs.
We were trying to hide who we were as two of our party members were wanted, so we came
in as a circus.
We then got arrested for not having the proper paperwork, even after claiming that the dragon
we'd just fought had eaten it.
At the jail there were more jabs at how the circus was a bad idea.
(It had been mine/Rayla's).
I'd had it, and needed out.
So that was how the party learned I could misty step and left them in jail to then poof
out my aasimar wings and fly off.
Not my best moment but I was so sick of it.
DM wrapped up the game shortly after and then went one on one with me to see what was up.
I cried.
hard.
I cried as it all came out.
All the hurt, all the fear of rejection if I made a fuss, all the ways the party ragging
on Rayla sounded like my old teachers telling me things like: "Only you'd be to stupid to
get this" (Cursive) and to stop coming to tutorials for help so they can "Stop watching
me pretend to try" (Algebra II) or "you're an insult to the instrument."
(Flute trying to sight read).
It came out how much effort I had been putting in to keep quiet and sit still and mask everything
I thought would be a nuisance till DND had become exhausting, and adding to my Suicidal
Ideation as I felt like such a burden to my friends.
DM told me to just take a break, that I wasn't a bad player, and I wasn't stupid and if she
ever ran into any of my old teachers she would beat them with a cleric's mace for what they
said.
DM also spent a lot of the night telling me that I was worth more here and that my brain
was lying to me.
She had never wanted me gone, especially not dead.
DM then went to town on the party, making sure they knew what they did was crossing
the line.
She also poured over hours and hours of videos and articles on geeky accommodations without
me even asking.
Hell I didn't even know there were accommodations for TTRPGs.
She came back with a list and said that she was going to try these out and all I had to
do was tell her what worked and what didn't.
(the list was things like silent fidget toys, allowing me to be on my phone, physical inventory
markers I could hold and move around, snacks, more frequent breaks, and so on)
Also she said I was getting a second 'guide' along with Molly, my aasimar's angel.
Enter the Marwin.
My paladin goes to sleep in the woods and enters the fey wild in her sleep.
Before her is a horse with a long mouth full of sharp teeth, iron hooves, and a mane and
tail full of reeds.
Marwin is here as he loves tricks, and likes the tricks my Paladin pulls but he wants to
help guide me to be clever and help me assess risk of tricks.
Never to stop me, oh no, I can still do what I want but if I accept his help he'll always
be there as a guide.
I do and I get an amulet of holly that will prickle and tingle when I'm about to get in
over my head.
DM then also made sure that before I ever came back to the group that they all gave
me individual, personal apologies.
Most of the 'I'm not a screw up quit treating me like one' was dealt with in those so the
party reunification and jailbreak went a lot smoother.
(as well as involved a speak with animals to send birds and horses to the city a-la
Wizard of Oz flying monkeys.
Paladin can't sneak so I just needed a bigger distraction than clanky armor.)
The amulet has been invaluable.
It kept us from taking on what we later found out was a full garrison, getting tpk’d many
times, and against splitting the party to scout ahead.
All it takes is the DM saying "Rayla feels a prickle against her chest," To give me a
Marwin warning.
The party has also stopped making the jabs at me.
Most of them gave very heartfelt apologies, stating how they never wanted to hurt me and
swore up and down to be better so they wouldn't again.
The other's were more of an 'I'm sorry, but' and how they couldn't wrap their head around
what ADHD did, but they quit putting me down so I took it.
DM also made me promise that I'd tell her if I was ever off meds and we wouldn't play
if I was after seeing how much harder I took things unmedicated.
Marwin was also a sudden C-PTSD accommodation.
Without getting to into it, I had asked Bard to help with some trauma therapy homework
out of game.
(Most of us live in the same city and Bard and I were irl buds) I'd set a boundary about
what we were doing, and Bard violated that boundary.
That resulted in a whole mess of triggers being sprung up, a surge of night terrors,
increase of panic attacks, a whole mess.
This had been explained to the bard, and that they shouldn't have violated the boundary.
Bard still hadn't apologized by the next game night (turns out they stand by the idea they
did nothing wrong but I find that out later.)
In the game, Rayla, party tank, walks up to knock on a fortress door to ask what it is.
If they're hostel Ryala has the AC and the HP to stand her ground or run.
Bard decides to follow in a sneaky fashion to see what's up.
This wasn't a new behavior or at all out of the ordinary but my brain took an imaginary
tiefling bard waif with no attack spells following my imaginary Tank of an Aasimar Paladin as
full alarm not safe!
If you've ever had a panic attack or even just been in a spot that your whole spine
shivers with 'get out this isn't safe', but then you hear a noise and full body need to
run, you know the feeling.
I dm'ed the DM over discord saying I needed out.
Poof, here's Marwin, pulling me (and party as the fortress had indeed been hostile and
leaving them could have been a tpk) out of that realm and into the fey wild.
Session ended there.
DM again does a one on one.
Gets what's happening.
Asks if I just needed the moment to stop or if I needed to get away for longer.
I say I might need to take a break just to gather myself and put my triggers and trauma
back in their boxes that I'd worked so hard on in therapy.
I told DM that it might be gone a while as the trigger had been bad enough that multiple
traumas had been sprung.
DM just nodded, said she'll take care of it and I can come to the next session if I want
but first thing she's getting me out of there and on a break.
The next game starts and the Marwin says he has a job for me, just me, and the rest of
my party is free to leave the fey wild, then whisks my paladin away.
I've stepped away from that party and don't know if I will go back after hearing that
Bard doesn't think they did anything wrong.
You can't fix out of game problems in game.
I loved the story we had all been building but I don't know.
DM says I'm always welcome back.
Rogue and Artificer both say they want me back, but to take my time so that I don't
get hurt in game again.
(They Joke that Rayla just ran away from home and joined a Fey circus.
They're okay with it so long as I bring them back circus goodies.)
They should be playing again soon, and I was just thinking of how above and beyond that
DM had gone for me.
This is the first time anyone has ever even considered giving accommodations, much less
met me halfway and made it so it wasn't a colossal effort to be 'acceptable'.
I might not go back to this game but I would play with this DM again in a heartbeat.
She's truly the best one I've ever had and I will bake her as many game treats as she
wants.
If you're a DM and have an ADHD player, maybe a Marwin will help them?
This may be the most accommodating DM that I’ve ever, EVER heard of.
I seriously have to applaud the DM and I understand the challenges that the players may have faced
when dealing with a player with special needs.
This easily could have been a horror story, and I’m glad it wasn’t.
Tell us about playing with players that required a little extra help in the comments below!
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