Hello underachievers!
Sorry for the lack of consistent posting on a bunch of my social medias.
I had tonsillitis for like, two and a half weeks,
and now I have a cold,
so I've not been feeling great,
but just wanna say before we get into this video,
obviously, I'm going on tour look!
At all these places that I'm going on tour!
If you enjoy watching gay people scream at each other
in a nice loving and non-committal way,
you should come see me on tour!
The tickets are literally 12 pounds,
what else would you spend 12 pounds on?
You could get a [ ] haircut, or you could come see me live
and have some cool experiences
and meet some cool new people,
and yell at me!
If you want to yell at me, come!
So, yeah...
And also, obviously, stream my music, blah, blah, blah.
Let's get into the video!
So, as a member of the...
Trans
Community,
there are certain experiences that I have had with cis people,
by the way, "cis" just means that you're not trans,
it's not a slur, like "TERF".
Slur is also--
[ ]
"TERF" is not a slur, by the way, that's a joke.
I'm sure some people didn't get it.
But yes, as a trans teen, I've had certain experiences with cis people,
that I'd say are quite funny,
quite uncomfortable,
quite awkward...
And I'm sure a lot of the trans people watching this may relate to them,
and if you're a cis person that is watching this video
and you see yourself in any of the cis people, in any of these memes,
don't worry, look...
This video is about well-meaning cis people,
so don't feel too bad, but, you know, maybe perhaps learn.
I'll be your teacher!
So, I found this account on Instagram called @wellmeaningcishets.
Obviously, as a member of a marginalized group,
there's going to be a bunch of people that aren't members of that marginalized group
that will be a bit curious!
About your life experiences.
They may be a bit like nosy...
They'll be very nosy, if you're trans,
but that's what this account is for!
And I love it so much, and if you love it too,
you should follow it
and I can make more videos about this,
because I've been scrolling through this account having such a good time.
So, all these pictures are made with like, stock images,
but the first picture says:
"So you're completely transitioned now?"
Completely transitioned now! Very good...
I've been asked this a lot of the time and I used to go into a lot of detail,
which I realized something I do is that, you know,
I tend to give people a lot more detail than they need in several situations,
but, you know, people be like, "oh, you're trans, you know,
"have you know, are you fully transitioned now?
"Have you had all the surgeries?"
And I would say:
"Well, I've been on testosterone for this amount of years,
"I've had these changes...
"I've had top surgery, which is the removal of the breasts...
"But I haven't had bottom surgery, so I don't have a [ ]".
Now I just say, "yes".
I feel like...
The saying "yes" has never got me into any trouble.
It's not outwardly got me into any confusing situations,
but something that I realized while scrolling through these posts,
I was like,
How many people have I said that 'yes, I'm fully transitioned' to?
And they just think like, I have a [ ]?
How many people do you think you're walking around being like:
"This guy has a [ ]".
Hopefully lots, hopefully most of them.
Just for reference, by the way, why this is on this page?
Like "well-meaning cis hets".
"Fully transitioned", I guess. is a very personal thing as in like,
I am fully transitioned, I don't plan on getting bottom surgery.
I'm on testosterone, I had top surgery.
That's fully transitioned for me,
whereas for some trans people,
they might not consider themselves fully transitioned until...
They've been on hormones,
they've had top surgery,
they've had bottom surgery,
they've had like a beard implant...
Like this-- Every transition is different.
It's also kind of like, I know in a weird way,
because when you say, "oh, are you fully transitioned?"
It comes across as, you know, pretty pure, pretty like...
Oh, just a question you ask trans people.
I think the reason that some people don't like this question is
because it's kind of a very polite way of asking:
"So, tell me about your bits, what's going on down there?
"Just let me know, I'd like to picture it!
"I've seen your face now, I know your name,
"and I'd like to picture your [ ]".
"They used to be called--"
Right...
So, this is a very awkward one, because I've had people...
Find out I'm trans,
and then tell me about somebody they know that it's also trans.
They'd be like, "oh, yeah, I have this friend Becky,
"who used to be called 'Mike' ",
which is like, "ah!"
Because I know why they're bringing that up.
I know why they're being like, "oh, used to be 'Mike',
"is now Becky",
because they're kind of being like, "oh, I know another trans person.
"I'm friends with a trans person and maybe I feel like,
"it's to make you feel more at ease,
"you're like, 'oh, this person's had experience with trans people,
" 'I don't have to worry' ".
But yeah...
Just for reference, telling anybody anybody's dead name...
Not a good shout!
Not a good shout at all!
Like, not really relevant information either,
because a lot of the times I've had people talk to me and say this.
They're just talking about this random person that I'll never know,
can't picture their face,
will have no relation to them,
but I know their deadname.
Like, it's...
Trans people change their names for a reason,
and a lot of the time trans people change their names
because they don't vibe with that old name!
You could just not vibe with the old name,
you get a new one!
But a lot of time, you know, someone like me...
I do not like my old name, because I'm like:
"Oh, birth name that reminds me of all these things.
"The having the boobs and the being a girl
"and being really depressed and wanting to die".
So, you know, having other people know that personal information about me,
that private information about me, makes me very uncomfortable.
So, if you're cis
and you ever want to make another trans person feel at ease,
and you want to bring up the fact that you know a trans person...
Don't say, "oh, my trans friend used to be called this",
because it's just--
It kind of really just indicates to me that
you don't know, maybe, as much about trans people as you thought you did.
But, again, uh well-meaning cishet,
I'm sure the majority of the time this happens, the person is well-meaning.
"When did you change gender?"
Those are 3D cinema glasses.
"When did you change gender?" I have gotten asked this a lot of time.
And it's a very difficult question to answer, to be completely honest.
Like, are you asking me when I changed my name legally?
You're asking me when I changed my name socially?
You're asking me when I came out?
You're asking me when I start testosterone?
You're asking me when I got surgery?
It's also just like, technically, you didn't like, "change gender",
because gender is something in your brain,
it's not like you're, one day, just like:
"Oh, would it be fun to be a boy?
"Would it be really fun to be a girl?
"I should change gender!"
That's not really what it is and I understand why people phrase it like that,
because if you're not around a lot of trans people, you don't really know the terminology.
That is kind of like, the way that you ask the question, like:
"Oh, when did you transition?"
But, again, transition isn't always linear, and it isn't always one particular time.
I've actually been asked by a medical professional.
I think it was to get a contraception and...
Everybody that worked there was really nice,
and the person that asked the question wasn't...
He didn't he didn't ask it a bad way, but he was kind of just like,
"oh, you know, when did you become trans?"
That's a lot to unpack in one question!
I think I answered it by saying like, "oh, I don't know, when I was five I did this...
"I used to pee on the toilet like a boy--"
Not on the toilet.
I used to straddle the toilet and face the toilet,
because I thought that's how boys peed.
Anyway, irrelevant!
"When did you change gender?"
It's just not-- You know...
"He's a nice boy.
"Oops! I mean a nice they".
What a lovely looking grandma holding a Nokia phone!
I won't lie to you,
there is something about using they/them incorrectly,
like, grammatically incorrectly
in a sentence, that is just so satisfying to my mouth.
I have many friends that use they/them pronouns and they're comfortable with me saying this,
but I just love being like, "oh, you're a they/them!"
I don't know why, it feels so nice to say.
They/them, it's the-- They/them, it's just it's a beautiful phrase.
Don't say it unless you know somebody around you is comfortable with it.
"A nice they", yeah!
If you're a bit confused, you don't see what's wrong with this sentence,
usually you should say, "he's a nice boy--"
Oh, no, you shouldn't-- Oh, God, wait.
If you accidentally say "he's a nice boy--"
You say "he's a nice boy-- Oops, I mean a nice person".
The gender-neutral term for boy is just "person", right?
It's not a pronoun, you don't say,
"oh, he's a nice boy. Oops, I mean a nice she".
Like, they're not interchangeable like that.
They're not on the same scale.
I do really like this picture, though.
Well, what a wonderful grandma!
Don't know her, but I'm emotionally attached.
Next one says:
"Can't you just be gay? Why isn't that enough?"
This picture's not giving me good vibes.
It's not giving me well-meaning cishets.
It's giving me judgmental cishets.
So here's the thing that a lot of cis people that don't know much about trans people get confused,
and I find it confusing, frankly, that they find it confusing,
because they mix up "gender" and "sexuality",
and if you're still confused:
Gender, what you identify as, gender-wise;
sexuality, who you wanna [ ], or hug, if you're asexual and don't want to [ ].
Trans people are trans
because their gender isn't the one they're assigned at birth.
Gay people are gay because they want to [ ] the same gender.
You can be gay and trans? Absolutely, you can do that,
but you can't use the terms, you know, interchangeably.
This is a question that I've been asked as well.
Like, I've been asked like, "oh, why can't you just be a lesbian?
"Why can't you just be a masculine woman?"
It's like, because the problem is...
That I'm not.
It's not like I'm choosing to be trans...
I would choose not to be trans, personally.
It was even a question that my gender clinic had to ask me as
part of the question that they asked everybody.
They were like, "well, I gotta ask you this question, so it's not just you,
"but have you ever considered living in a masculine female role?"
So they're pretty much just asking me like, "oh, have you ever thought of other options?
"Like, have you ever thought maybe you don't need to transition?
"Have you ever thought that maybe you could just be a girl?
"That, you know, just likes masculine things.
"A girl that eats burgers and doesn't wipe her mouth.
"A girl that climbs trees, gets mud under our fingernails..."
It's just a bit of an odd question!
It's like, say, you're really hungry, like you're really, really hungry
and you need to eat to survive.
And somebody's just like, "oh, have you tried having some water?
"You tried having water to satiate that hunger?"
It's not quite the same thing, is it?
"Look at you and your strong manly muscles carrying that for me!"
So here's an interesting...
Phenomenon.
Is it a phenomenon?
I don't know, I like using big words that I'm not entirely sure what they mean.
So, a lot of the time, I found,
when a trans guy comes out, he, you know, transitions,
whether that be socially or medically, he comes out and all of a sudden,
a lot of people around him feel the need to, you know,
let's say "over compensate" for the fact that he's a guy now.
Like, a lot of the time, girls would be like,
"oh, no, you're so handsome. You're so masculine.
"You're so manly".
I have four facial hairs!
You don't need to lie, but the fact that you think you need to lie,
makes me feel a bit worse than I did before.
If you get what I'm saying, like,
I'm not insecure in like, my "masculinity".
I don't give a [ ],
but, you know, when I first started transitioning,
I love to hear things like, "oh, you're so handsome.
"Oh, you're so strong and manly".
I loved hearing that, so it absolutely does depend on the person.
But it can come across as so patronizing if you're like,
helping someone move a chair and they're like, "oh, you're so strong!
"Oh, look at those arms!"
It's just a bit patronizing, really, isn't it?
Here's a tip for people who might do this unintentionally.
A tip is that, if you see a trans boy doing something that a cis guy would do
and you feel the need to comment on it because he's trans,
probably don't, you know?
Just treat him the same way you treat cis guys.
Like, I just feel like there's not a lot of girls
going round nowadays calling cis guys "handsome".
Really, the words they'd use surely is like "hot" or "attractive" or "sexy".
You wouldn't be like, "oh, he's so handsome!"
Like, they don't comment under Timothée Chalamet's picks like,
"oh, you're so handsome and broad and manly and masculine!"
Because he's not!
And even if he was, they wouldn't be saying that!
Think:
"Would I say this to a cis person?"
If the answer is "no", probably don't say it!
"I call everyone 'dude' ".
So this is something that I realize I do.
Not everyone wants to be called "dude".
You know, cis women might not want to be called "dude".
I consider "dude" a gender-neutral term in the way that I use it,
but that doesn't mean that other people will consider it gender-neutral terms.
So like, if I accidentally called a trans girl a "dude", or I was like,
"oh, hey guys", that might upset her,
because she might associate the word "dude" or "guys" with "men",
which is something that she's not!
But yeah, I think the thing is that, just like, obviously trans people
will probably be a bit more uncomfortable and sensitive when it comes to gendered terms
and gendered wording
and gendered anything,
and if you know they feel comfortable enough with you to let you know
that they feel uncomfortable with the term that you're using to refer to them,
you probably shouldn't say "I call everyone 'dude' ".
You could say that, you say:
"I call everyone 'dude' because it's gender neutral term for me,
"but I understand that that's not how you feel about it,
"so I won't use that word".
Oh, here's one of my favorites!
"So your friend... What were they, like, born with?"
So...
I got this SO MUCH from my family and from my friends that aren't in like,
the kind of LGBT circles that I'm in.
You know, I'm with a well-meaning cis person and I start talking about a friend
that they might not have heard of,
and they're just like, "oh, what were they born as?"
It's a bit...
I understand, you know, curiosity,
because if I'm trans, that means surely all my friends are trans, right?
Everyone I know is trans.
Everything I do is trans.
Every motivation for any action I do is because I'm trans, apparently.
IT'S NOT!
A lot of the times I just have people being like,
"oh, this friend Phoenix that you have,
"what was he born as?"
Just not really... You know...
Ii understand the question and depends entirely on your relationship with someone,
but it's just a funny question to be asked, really.
I get the curiosity, though.
I guess it.
I understand.
Oh, the classic:
"Wait, so are you like, trans boy to girl
"or girl to boy?"
You know, I've been asked on several occasions if I'm a trans woman.
And I never know how to take that, because half of me is like ,
"oh, it's a compliment, because they look at me
"and they think I was assigned male at birth!"
And I'm like, "okay, like that's the vibe I'm going for.
"That's the vibe I'm going for".
But, in the other hand,
they could be looking at me and be like,
"oh, he's maybe like a bit fruity. It's maybe like a bit feminine":
So maybe they think I am transitioning to a woman and I want to be a girl.
I get a lot of comments like that in my comments section,
and I've had a lot of people who will be commenting on videos,
or hate videos about me,
or they'll be commenting on posts where people are like "[ ] Noah Finnce".
A lot of people will be like, "yeah, and he'll never be a woman!"
Fine!
I'll [ ] take it.
Yeah, here's another one:
"Are you a man or a woman or trans?"
So, you know,
there's a lot of times where I'm filling out a form online
or I'm trying to sign up to a new website and they're just like,
there's like, the drop down menu of genders.
It's like, "woman, man, trans, rather not say".
Just for reference, being trans isn't a gender in itself.
Being trans is a thing that you call people who are born a certain gender
and do not identify with that certain gender.
Like, I'm not a trans.
I'm a guy.
I'm a dude!
I'm just some guy dude man.
I'm a bro!
I'm not trans.
Here is my absolute favorite, so...
For some reason, a lot of cis people think that saying the word "trans"
is kind of the equivalent of saying a slur.
Like, they're kind of a bit touchy about saying it,
so they they never really actually say it.
They kind of just allude to the word.
Tthey'll be like, "is he... You know...?"
I love it so much!
I love it so much because...
Sometimes it's not very clear where the avoidance of the word trans comes from.
I assume a lot of the time that people are like, "oh, it's like a touchy word!
"I don't want to say it out loud!"
A lot of the time I'm like, "are you avoiding the word 'trans'
"because you think it's a bad thing?"
But I've been asked this a lot of the time.
Pretty much everybody in my family when I started dating Corry,
they were like, "is he... You know...?"
You know?
And I just... It's very funny!
It's very funny that they avoid the word.
Is he what?
Like, you can say the word "trans", it's not a bad word!
Here's one I both love and hate.
"That's not very manly, though, is it?"
I had a lot of that from people that maybe, you know,
weren't part of the whole LGBT thing.
When you're trans, for some reason, people think that, you know,
you can't possibly do anything that is typically associated societally
with the gender you're assigned at birth.
I remember painting my nails for the first time
and like, there was a picture of it and someone was like,
"that's not very manly, why are you doing that?
"I thought you were a guy":
I understand that like, cis guys will get that for painting their nails.
But I think it's a bit loaded when you're a trans person as well,
because like, people have this expectation,
that because you're trans and, you know, because you've medically transitioned,
you've gone into all the effort of like, coming out...
And, you know, going on medication and getting surgery,
they assume that, because you've done all of that,
you want to be absolutely just manly.
Or absolutely just masculine.
Or absolutely just feminine or womanly, if you're a trans woman.
I can understand to an extent why they think that.
Being trans is like, one part of a person.
It's not an all-encompassing thing of a person like--
If cis guys can, you know, look a little fruity,
they can paint their nails, they can wear clothes that,
you know, look a little feminine,
if they can do it, then why can't trans people do it?
Because I know that people think there's different rules for trans guys and cis guys,
just because of like, the connotations of being trans.
But there really isn't!
If you're a trans guy, you want to paint your nails,
you want to look pretty, you can look pretty.
You don't have to be manly.
You can be a guy.
You don't have to be manly to be a man.
You just have to be like, "oh, I'm a guy!"
That's how it works!
"You're sure this isn't something you'll regret?"
I've got this a lot.
I got this from a family member of the older age.
She doesn't live in this country, so it's fine.
But, you know, I haven't seen her for, you know, several years.
She hadn't seen me.
The last time she saw me I was a girl, because it had been a few years,
and then, by the time I saw her this time,
I was on testosterone, I had surgery.
And she was like,
"I really hope you don't regret getting surgery, because that would be a big shame!"
I just-- It made me think like,
what picture in your head do you have of me?
Like, do you think that I am so impulsive that I'm just like,
"oh, you know, I'm not feeling these boobies.
"I'm not feeling them".
And then I got them chopped off the next week.
I feel like some cis people have such a pitiful view of trans people,
because like, coming out and then immediately starting testosterone.
To some people that may be like, "oh, what? Are you ready to make that decision?
"Like, you just came out".
Trans people usually will spend years in the closet.
They'll spend years trying to figure out if they are actually trans,
if they're just kidding themselves into being trans,
if it's the right decision to come out.
That's a process that usually takes years.
For me, it took me [ ] ages!
And to be like, "oh, I hope you don't regret that".
It's a bit of an insult, really!
It's like, do you not think I can make decisions for myself?
And before anyone says, yes, some people do de-transition
and regret their transition,
but the statistics do say that the majority of the people that do de-transition,
do so because of lack of social support and not because they actually "regret" being trans
or they "regret" identifying as trans, because they're not trans.
It's usually because they don't have the support that they need.
Long story short,
I think trans people know best what they think is the best for them!
I think I know what's best for me better than anybody else knows that,
and it's a bit patronizing to assume that I don't.
But yeah, that was the end of the video.
Comment below which was your favorite
and let me know if you want me to make another video like this,
because I did really enjoy it.
It was very fun and, you know what?
[ ] Like, comment, share, subscribe.
Oh, I can't believe I just did that!
Thought I'd try something new.
But yeah, that's the end of the video.
Have a good day or don't!
Grab my concert tickets!
I'll see you later losers, goodbye!