What would Dr. Paul know about how to be a happier teenage girl? Actually, you know
what? I've worked with a lot of teenage girls and I've seen some things that
work and some things that don't. I might have something that surprises you.
Alright. So, the disclaimer as I start out here. I have never been a teenage girl.
But I've sure worked with a lot of them and I've raised one in my own home.
There's a few things that I've noticed. And really, we want to do more of what
works in less what doesn't. So let's get focused for a few minutes on what it is
that works. If you've been here on the channel very long, you've maybe heard me
talk about these two processes that are always going on in our mind. And their
processes that are obvious but unnoticed. So you don't really see them happening
until they're called to your attention. I want you to see them. On this line, I'm
going to indicate "What it is?" Now, you've heard this right? It is what it is. Which
is kind of annoying depending on who's saying it. But all it means for today is
the way things are right now in your life. It's who you are, it's who you're
with. It's what you have. It's the way things are without changing anything, it
is what it is. We use our imagination to do two processes that are always going
on in our mind. I just want you to see what they are. And then you can decide
what to do with them. The first one is called
evaluation. Evaluation, meaning judgment. And you can't turn this off. Any more
than you can turn off gravity. Have you noticed that you're constantly judging?
Yeah. And I'm not judging you. Well I guess I am kind of judging you.
In fact, you're judging me and you're judging your mom and you're judging your
dad and you're judging your boyfriend and you're judging everything about your
life. Just notice that you're doing it. You can't turn it off.
You're constantly judging. How do you judge? You have to compare. And if you
don't have something to compare it to, you'll come up with something and you've
got a really great imagination. So when you're judging your life, your what it is?
You're asking yourself, "Is this good or bad? Is this lucky or unlucky?" Well, I
don't know. Compared to what? What it is is on this line between everything
better on that side and everything worse on
this side? It could always be better. Is this true? I mean think about it. Could
your life be be any better than it is? Well, yeah. Of course it could. But wait a
minute. Is that true in the other direction too? Could it be worse? Oh, yeah.
Right? It could always be worse too. So how's your life right now/ Well it
depends on what you compare it to. If you compare what it is to something better,
if you go this direction, how do you feel about your life? It sucks, right? It's terrible,
horrible. When you compare your life to something better, you feel worse about
the one you got. I just want you to notice that. Now what happens if you
compare what you've got to something worse? Then you feel better.
Now, I'm not here to tell you how to think. I don't have that kind of
authority. I simply want you to see that it's happening. So that you can monitor
what your own mind is doing with your life. And you're judging yourself. I know
that you are. It's okay. We all do. Just notice that your judgment
depends on how you make that comparison. And how you feel is determined by how
you make that judgment. You're never wrong about how you feel.
Can I say that again? You're never wrong about how you feel. How you feel is a
hundred percent consistent with the way your mind is doing this. Now there's
another part to this. It's called creation. And I don't mean
creation of what it is. That already exists. I'm talking about creation of
what is to be and that doesn't exist yet. We haven't created it yet. We're going to
use the same imagination to do the creation task that we used in the
evaluation task but it's a little different. When you imagine, that what's
coming for you is even worse than what you've already got, how do you feel? When
we... When we anticipate or expect that what's coming is worse, we feel anxiety.
That is 24 years of clinical experience in a nutshell. This is anxiety,
nervousness, being worried. When we imagine that what's coming is better, how
do we feel? Oh yeah, right? Positive. This is hope. And you don't know what's coming
so you have to take a position. The first thing that I wanted you to understand is
something that I call the positivity vector. And this is what puts you in a
position where you can always be positive about
life the way it is right now. Now this takes a little bit of practice, okay? It's
not something that you can just jump into. You got to work on it. If you want a
way to remember this really easily, I will give you a free digital copy of
this cute little mini book that explains what I just shared with you and there's
more detail, there some stories and graphs and it helps you to see how your
mind is working so that you can be in a little higher level of choice and
control over that. You know how sometimes it just doesn't feel like it control it?
I want you to see where your control is. So, I'll give you a free digital copy of
this. There's a link down in the description,
okay? So just connect with that and I can help you with that. Now, one other thought
before we finish. This next part has to do with evaluation. That thing that we
already talked about. How you judge yourself? I want to show you my dots. Some
of you may have seen the dots before. I don't know if you have or if you haven't.
But give me just a minute while I get this up here, okay? Hang on. Have you seen
this before? You... Maybe you have? Okay. Well if you have, I just want to make sure
that it's just right, okay? So give me another second or two to finish this.
Hang on, I'm almost there.
There. Can you see this? What do you notice about the dots? What? Are you
serious? What do you mean there's one missing?
Are you sure? Oh, you're sure, huh? Would you bet money on it? Yeah, you probably
would. Hold on. Hold on. Let's review the process. Do you remember when I said that
I wanted to share one other thing with you before the video ends? Well this is
it. Who's the creator of these dots? Me. Dr. Paul, yeah. Did I know what I was
doing? Okay, we'll assume that I did. Did I do it
on purpose? Yes, I did. I wanted to show you this before the video ended. I'm the
creator of these dots, I knew what I was doing, I did it on purpose.
Are there any dots missing? Ah, now just notice how your mind is handling this.
Why do people think that there's dots missing? I'll tell you why? It's because
we have folders. Well, you can think about it like folders. Everything that we
experience in our world, we have to understand based on our files, okay? The
files in our head. Like this thing that I just laid down. What is this? It's a
marker, right. How do you know that? Because you got a file for markers. You
look at the marker, you go to your file. You're like, "Oh!" And there's illustrations
and pictures and descriptions and all your history and experience with markers
is in the file. So, you go there and you see that it matches that thing that
you're looking at it. And you're like, "Oh, yeah. It's a marker." And you file that
thing away and you know that you're right. I started drawing my dots, you went
to your files. And you found that file that you thought was relevant. You didn't
even know you had one of these. But apparently
you did because you pull out your dots file. And you're like, "Oh yeah, I know
where dr. Paul's going with this." You look in your file and you find this one.
Do you recognize this one? Yes, you do. And you made a comparison didn't you? Huh!
They don't match. There must be something wrong with that one. Oh, not this one. No
this one is sacred. This is the one I found in my files. This is the way it
should be. And then you filed it away and you knew you were right,
didn't you? Yeah, who's the creator of those dots? I am. Can you see now that I
created these dots for a purpose? The purpose was so that you and I could have
this conversation. If I would have drawn it the way you wanted it to look, it
wouldn't fulfill my purpose and I'm the creator of these dots. When you look at
yourself what do you notice? When you judge yourself in the mirror, when you
think about your life and you're like, "Oh, it's not the way it should be. There's
something wrong with this one." Do you see how you're doing there? Here's
what I'm thinking. You are perfectly designed. You are perfectly designed for
your purpose. I believe that and what if you believed that? What if you believed
that this is exactly the way that it should be. And then you get focused more
on the purpose. How can you be a happier teenage girl? Maybe it'd be a little more
careful with the way you're doing your judgment and realize that you are
perfectly designed. You've got this. So maybe I don't know that much about being
a teenage girl but I know about the principles. They're going to help you to get
there. I hope you
that helpful. Remember to pick up your free digital copy of portable positivity
right there in the description, you'll find a link.