Do you really need this big exciting life to attract good men to you? How do you meet
a guy at the gym and how do you deal with catching up with your ex if it's been five
months since the two of you talked? What's up guys? It's Mark here and we are back for
another week of Ask Mark, I love all of you and I love the questions you send in. This
week, we've got some bangers. Uh, before we get into it, make sure you subscribe, hit
the button below, hit the bell and don't forget to leave your question after the video as
well. So we're pushing up. You guys are really getting behind the channel. I love you for
it. Uh, now I'm still answering as many questions as I possibly can from all you guys answering
all the comments. If I get a bit behind, my apologies.
I will do the best I can, but I will also be directing a few more of you to the discovery
calls because the fact is I can do a hell of a lot better job for you there. So if you
send me a much more serious situation that might be the way I direct you in some of the
comments now. So just FYI guys. Uh, let's get onto the questions though. Let's get onto
the questions. I love these videos. The first one is a really cool one and it's on the How
to Make Him Chase You video about building an exciting life. It comes from Notagameplayer
Someone, and she asks what if you're totally comfortable not having a big exciting life
and prefer being low key happy or you can't go out. We can't afford to go out and do things
just to make yourself seem a certain way when that's not who you are.
I'm a great woman with standards but I'm not a huge fan of being out and about when I could
be working or at home relaxing. Does that make me uninteresting or unworthy of a good
man? Really good question. Really good question. And I think in some ways that video ruffled
a few feathers, which is cool because this way we can get more questions going and have
a conversation. Here's the thing, people get this image of, Oh, I have to have a big exciting
life. I've got to be going out all the time. I've gotta be, you know, playing sports or
going to events or doing all these cool things and look if you love that, you can do that.
And for me, like some of that is what I like to kind of do. But what you really need is
a life that you feel congruent with and that makes you vibrantly happy.
Cause let me tell you, if you are just miserable when you're going out to events and you're,
you're doing things you don't want to do just to attract men, that's the worst, especially
if you're spending money on it. That's the worst way to live your life and to attract
men ever. It's not congruent with you and you're not gonna attract congruent man as
a result. So here's what I'd say, you have to build a life that YOU love. And for most
people, that is going to mean doing something or something different, or going out and doing
certain things at least. Or maybe it's working on a business or maybe it's taking up a sport.
Maybe it's doing knitting. Jermia so you guys know Jermia. Jermia, all she talks about is
gardening. She loves it. She loves like every fiber of her being loves gardening. And you
see when she talks to guys, the way they respond to her, they're just like enraptured when
the girl talks about gardening, that's her thing. And that's her big exciting life. She
loves it. And she'll draw men into that just with her vibrancy and her energy. It's not
about having this preset life that you imagine when I say, Oh, this big exciting life. It's
about having an exciting life that you love.
Now, with that said, that's still often going to involve you getting out of your comfort
zone. So me, for example, when I was much, much younger, I used to hate clubs and hate
social venues, right? But that was my shyness and my comfort talking. That wasn't me. Now
I love them, absolutely love them. But I had to force myself into them for hundreds of
nights before I came to love them. And I knew I was doing that to becoming more of me. This
is where you've got to be honest with yourself. Am I not doing things very often because I'm
comfortable and if I asked myself what would I be doing? If I could do anything, they'd
actually be other things I would be doing. Or do you just genuinely love relaxing at
home and that's, and that makes you so vibrantly happy. You know, I believe we were all put
on this earth to do things and when you're in congruence with that and you're doing the
things you love, you're going to show that vibrancy. Now they might not be as many things
for different people. Like for me, there's, there's a lot of things that I need to stay
really busy to keep myself vibrantly happy. But for other people, they are happy being
more relaxed life. My ex who I am truly grateful for, she was happy with a more relaxed life
and she loved it and she had that vibrancy to her. So you've got to figure out what is
my version of my best, most exciting life for me? And how do I make that a reality?
And if you make that a reality, if you do a few things or some things or maybe lots
of things to make that a reality, you're going to show a vibrant energy every day and it's
going to come across to man that you love your life.
So again, it's not about the things that you're doing or this preset idea of this big exciting
life. It's about building a life that you love and still pushing your comfort zone where
you know it needs to be pushed. I hope that makes sense Notagameplayer Someone. Second
question is from TheMychemfan and TheMychemfan asks, Hey, Mark, love your videos. I would
like to ask you a question please or could you give me a few tips on how to flirt with
a guy at the gym? Love it. Here is a guy who always looks at me and I look at him back
trying to make eye contact. He's with his friends uh, often though I'm not alone either.
That makes it difficult. I'm very shy. I'm not sure what to do. Awesome question. Definitely
harder when he's with his friends and for him too, when, when you're with yours, he's
very unlikely to approach in that environment without an enormous amount of signals from
you. So here's what I'd do, ask him for help. Ask him to help you out with an exercise.
Don't make out a question because you just make your one up and it seems like appropriate,
but find something a little more complex or ask a genuine question about training and
get his help on because what that's going to do, you know, he'll come over to you, he'll
be there for a minute or so. Um, he'll help you out for a bit and then you say, Hey, my
name's whatever. He'll say, Hey, nice to meet you dadada. And then you've set it up.
You see the awesome thing about the gym is that you keep seeing people, you don't have
to do this rush or more intense interaction that you might have to do at a nightclub or
even a shopping center or something. The gym is like your security that you're gonna probably
keep seeing him again. So ask for his help, introduce. And then over the coming weeks
as you see him, you're going to be, Hey Steve, how are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm good
to, did this this morning and you're gonna talk more. And that's going to become more
of a friendship. And to the point where you guys, each time you see each other, you're
gonna be like, Hey, it's Steve and it's Chemfan.
How you doing? What's been happening? How has that thing you went to and how is this
this thing you did? You guys are going to interact on that level. And that's when you
have the opportunity to flirt and push towards one on one meeting, one on one outside of
the gym. So I hope that makes sense Chemfan. Take advantage of the fact that you don't
have to do it all in one interaction, but start the ball rolling by asking for his help
and exchanging names with him. And then you become friends and you can go from there.
Really simple and it'll work really effectively. Okay. Last question. I love this question.
I love this questions from oOannina. She says, Hey Mark, I love your videos. Thank you so
much, Nina. I do have a question. My ex boyfriend, he broke up due to the reason that he thought
he needed some space, wrote to me this week to ask for catch-up.
Cool. Now the breakup was five months ago and we had absolutely no contact during this
time. Congrats for that. That's genuinely hard to do. Guys, if he can do a good five,
six months, no contact, you really reset that frame. That's a, that's a good, people will
say 30 days, no contact. I think if you're not sure about the break up and you're, you
know, you're considering getting back, that's good, but if you're going to be friends or
you just want to really let the dust settle 190 days, no contact is, are, he's a really
good way to do it anyway. As I saw your video last week, creating an exciting life, um,
to make a man fall in love with you. Don't know what's to make a man fall in love with
you, but it is to create a life that men want to be involved in.
You never want to make someone fall in love with you, but that's not point of the question.
I posted some things on Facebook. I hope you posted them for you and not for him. Couple
of days later, he texted me,of course he did. My question is, should I behave friendly or
should I be rather distant on the date. The breakup was five months ago. We had no contact
during this time, oOannina why on earth would you be distant? Everyone does this. They go,
Oh my ex hurts me so I'm going to not talk to him at all at work. I'm going to communicate
via a friend and make it really weird in the process or I'm going to be really cold when
I see him at a party. Do you know what that does? It reminds him that he made the right
decision. Well, this bitch is still cold after the six months. Gee dodged the bullet there.
You always, always want to remember two things. Number one, you are grateful for this guy.
Okay. Even even if he broke your heart or did something artsy like cheating on you or
whatever it was, you are grateful. Number one, because you learned something from him
that you needed, that you clearly needed to learn. And number two, he showed that true
side of himself, so that you could get away and grow yourself no matter what role this
person played, you weren't grateful that he played it. I'm always surprised by how hateful
people are of the exes and how lacking in gratefulness they are. I mean, I met a woman
the other night and she was talking about her exes and she was so positive about it
and I was just, this is so rare. It's so rare to have someone who goes, yeah, you know,
my ex wasn't right for me, but I wouldn't be where I am today without him.
I thought, what a wonderful attitude. What if finally we all had more attitudes like
that where we could go in and really, even if it didn't work out with our exes, appreciate
them for the part they played. Now, the second part of this is you've gone away and you've
grown your life. You've got some awesome things in the last five months going for you. So
why would you dull that down to see him? When you're friendly, so you're going friend, you're
not going flame again, but you're going friend. He gets all the best parts without getting
that part that he used to get, which is behind it all. In other words, you've gone away and
you've shined your light brighter than ever. Why would you dull that down now? Why would
you not shine it brighter than ever around him for you and have the secondary effect
of him going, shit, she's doing well. I might have stuffed up here.
Now again, this isn't the reason you're doing it. You're not being overly bright just to
make him miss you because that's coming from the wrong place. But look at you like you've
killed at the last five months. You've changed your life. You've done exciting things. Why
would you not, that that's you, why would you not go and be yourself around him, okay?
So you're doing this for you. You're grateful for him and you're going to be in that friend
light where you share it with him, but he, he no longer gets that like that deeper, more
vulnerable part of you and that's the part guys really miss. Again, you're not doing
this to manipulate him or to prove yourself or to try and get him back, but you're doing
it because this is you now. And rather than him getting this cold girl, who's like how
they talking to them and acting weird and he's like, wow, five months she's still hung
up over this.
He gets this bright shining angel and he's like, Oh my God, this is what I was attracted
to in the first place. But now I don't get the underneath them or vulnerable part of
it and some other guys are going to get that and it'll do a dude's head in. Again, you're
not doing it to do his head in. It's just a secondary effect. It's just a, a natural
add-on to you, the best you that you're going to, that you've been for the last five months.
And then you're going to continue to be, whether you're ranting or whether you're not. So to
conclude, definitely be friendly, be friendly, be grateful. Treat him like a friend, not
a flame but a friend. And it is just gonna. It's gonna blow his mind what you've become.
So guys, wonderful questions this week. Wonderful, wonderful questions. You guys are contributing
so much to this channel and I wouldn't be where I am able to talk to you and help you
guys out without each and every one of you. So remember, subscribe, little bell so you
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Get more and more people involved in the channel guys, I answer each and every question. Personally,
I'm going to keep doing that as long as I possibly can. So thank you so much for contributing
guys. I shall see you in the next video very, very soon. Love you all. Hit the thumbs up
and have a wonderful week.