LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GOOSES TONIGHT ARE
THE POT LOVING DUO YOU MET 25 YEARS AGO AS JAY AND SILENT BOB
IN "CLERKS."
THEY STAR IN THE NEW MOVIE "JAY AND SILENT BOB REBOOT."
>> A REBOOT, BOYS, IS WHEN HOLLYWOOD WANTS TO MAKE A LOT OF
MONEY WITHOUT THE HASSLE OF CREATING A NEW MOVIE, SO THEY
TAKE AN OLD MOVIE AND CHANGE JUST ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR
THE SAME ( BLEEP ) ALL OVER AGAIN.
>> THOSE GREEDY ( BLEEP ).
IT'S INSIDIOUS.
THEY TAKE A GOOD AND ADD YOUTH AND DIVERSITY TO IT.
NAME A NOVEMBER WHEREY A ROBOT HAS PLANS TO HELP THE GOOD GUYS
BEAT THE BAD GUYS BY BLOWING UP A BIG RAY GUN IN SPACE.
THE FORCE AWAKENS, THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL A REBOOT.
>> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW, KEVIN SMITH
AND JASON MEWES!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU.
EXCELLENT TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: JASON, NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU.
KEVIN GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> I NEVER BRING THE BOY OUT SO THIS IS A BIG DEAL.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE DONE LATE NIGHT.
>> YES.
SOMETHING HAPPENED BEFORE WE CAME OUT.
CAN WE ADDRESS IT?
>> Stephen: OKAY.
HE GOT A TEXT FROM MY DAUGHTER, HARRELLY, ONE OF THE STARS IN
THE MOVIE.
HE'S KNOWN HER THE WHOLE LIFE.
IN ORDER FOR A TEXT I WANT TO READ TO MAKE SENSE I HAVE TO
TELL A STORY.
MY DAUGHTER STARTED DATING A NEW GUY, AN ACTOR NAMED AUSTIN.
SHE HASN'T BROUGHT HIM BACK TO THE HOUSE.
I'M, LIKE, WHY HAVEN'T I MET THIS GUY?
SHE SAID, HE'S INTIMIDATED BY YOU.
I SAID HE'S AN ACTOR, RIGHT?
CAN'T HE ACT LIKE HE'S NOT NERVOUS AND COME OVER AND MEET
ME?
SHE CALLS ME UP TWO NIGHTS LATER AND SAID YOU WANT TO MEET HIM?
PICK ME UP AT HIS HOUSE.
WHEN YOU COME HERE, DON'T EMBARRASS ME.
I SAID, I WON'T, I WANT TO MEET YOUR BOYFRIEND.
I HUNG UP, GOT DRESSED, GRABBED THREE JOINTS, GOT INTO MY CAR,
DROVE TO THE KID'S HOUSE, HE'S GOT A LONG DRIVEWAY.
I PARKED AT THE TOP, HOT BOXED MY CAR, THEN I WAS WEARING
PRETTY MUCH THE SAME OUTFIT BUT I TOOK OFF MY JACKET AND SHIRT
AND PUT MY JACKET BACK ON, THEN I TEXTED MY KID AND SAID I'M
HERE.
SHE CAME OUT.
AS SOON AS THEY CAME UP THE DRIVEWAY, I BLASTED THEM WITH MY
LIGHTS.
THEY COME TO THE DOOR AND ALL THE SMOKE POURS OUT, AND GO,
HARRELLY, I'M TOO STONED TO DRIVE, YOU'VE GOT TO DRIVE HOME.
AND THE KID LOOKS AT ME AND I GO, BOY, GET ME IN THE PASSENGER
SEAT.
AND I LEAN ON HIM AND HE CARRIES ME OVER TO THE PASSENGER SEAT,
PUTS ME IN THE CAR.
I LEAN HEAVY SO IT TAKES AN EXTRA SECOND.
ONCE HE LOOKS AT ME I GO, DON'T YOU EVER GIVE MY DAUGHTER WEED!
I SLAMMED THE DOOR.
WE TOOK OFF, MY DAUGHTER WAS SO MAD AT ME.
THIS IS THE TEXT HE GOT FROM HARLEY.
>> DO NOT LET MY DAD TELL THAT STORY ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND ON
COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: GOOD LUCK.
GOOD LUCK WHEN YOU GET HOME.
>> I'M SUCH A HORRIBLE DAD.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE.
BUT THE BEST KIND.
>> THANKS.
>> Stephen: JASON, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN ON SCREEN TOGETHER FOR
25 YEARS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I DON'T UNDERSTAND -- THIS IS YOU GUYS
BACK THERE AS JAY AND SILENT BOB 25 YEARS AGO.
>> THAT IS WHEN WE WERE IN BLACK AND WHITE.
>> Stephen: YES.
WE'VE OBVIOUSLY GOTTEN COLOR.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
COMES IN LIKE PUBERTY.
>> IT WAS A CREATIVE CHOICE BECAUSE THERE WAS NO MONEY.
I WANT TO SAY THAT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT PEOPLE SAYING, HE WAS
REALLY CREATIVE.
>> Stephen: SOME CRITIC SAID ALONG TIME AGO IT'S ALMOST
BECAUSE THE MOVIE WAS SHOT FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE STORE
SECURITY CAMERA.
EVERY MOVIE AFTER THAT I WOULD SAY WE SHOT IT IN BLACK AND
WHITE TO SEEM LIKE IT WAS SHOT FROM THE STORE SECURITY CAMERA.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: KEVIN IS ONE OF
THE MOST TALKATIVE GUESTS I'VE EVER HAD.
THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE AND I ( BLEEP ) HIM OUT I ASKED YOU
ONE ( BLEEP ) QUESTION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND I DON'T THINK YOU ANSWERED
IT BUT YOU TALKED FOR 12 MINUTES.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHY IS HE SILENT BOB AND YOU'RE JAY?
>> THAT'S WHY HE NEVER BRINGS ME ON THE SHOWS BECAUSE HE DOES ALL
THE TALKING USUALLY, BUT IT'S BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE IN THE
MOVIE BUT NOT MEMORIZE DIALOGUE.
HE'S, LIKE, I COULD BE ON CAMERA BUT I HAVE TO MEMORIZE ALL THAT
DIALOGUE AND I NEED SOMEONE TO BOUNCE ALL MY WEIRD JOKES AND
OBNOXIOUS STUFF ON.
JAY WAS BASED OFF ME FROM AGE 13 TO 16.
THAT'S ME RUNNING AROUND AND OBNOXIOUS.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE KIDS.
>> YES, AND HIS MATURITY LEVEL HASN'T IMPROVED AT ALL.
MY NATURAL CONDITION IS I'M AN ORALIST, I MAKE MY LIVING WITH
MY MOUTH, QUITE LIKE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO GET
TO.
THIS THIS IS IMPORTANT.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE RELEASING THIS MOVIE IN AN UNUSUAL WAY.
>> WE ARE.
WE'RE TAKING IT OUT.
>> Stephen: IN WHAT WAY?
NO ONE ELSE WAS DEMANDING THIS MOVIE BUT US.
WE WERE THE ONLY ONES WHO WANTED TO SEE IT.
OCTOBER 15th AND 17th IT'S AT ANY MULTI-PLEX THAT HAS A
FATHOM OF EVENTS SCREENING.
OCTOBER 15th YOU GO, GET A FREE POSTER.
SEVENTEENTH YOU GO AND IT'S A DOUBLE FEATURE AND STRIKE BACK.
BUT THEN ME AND JAY GO ON A 62-CITY TOUR BETWEEN OCTOBER AND
MARCH WHERE WE TAKE THE MOVIE FROM CITY TO CITY AND WATCH IT
WITH EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: AND TAKE QUESTIONS.
>> AND DO Q&A.
THEN WE HAVE A BIG TOUR OCTOBER 14IC AND SOMETHING
HAPPENED TO US AT THE PREMIERE.
WE GET TO GO TO TCL CHINESE THEATER IN LOS ANGELES AND PUT
OUR PRINTS IN THE CEMENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S AMAZING.
AND THIS IS -- >> YEARS AGO, 1979, MY WHOLE
FAMILY WENT TO THE ROMANS CHINESE THEATER COURTYARD.
THAT'S ME AND MY BROTHER KNEELING IN FRONT OF R2D2 AND
3CPO'S FOOTPRINTS, AND NOW 40 YEARS AGO WE'LL BE IN THE
COURTYARD AS WELL.
>> Stephen: TICKETS TO JAY AND SILENT BOB ARE AVAILABLE NOW.
KEVIN SMITH AND JASON MEWES, EVERYBODY!
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY CARRIE UNDERWOOD!