Hey everybody.
Happy Tuesday.
And since it's Tuesday,
I'm on tumblr.
And I'm kind of tired, I apologise.
I am on this whirl-wind tour of parts of the United States.
So, as you all know,
Last week I was in Seattle visiting my family.
And I know many of you reached out,
And asked if I was going to do a, like a meet and greet.
Or any kind of meet-up.
And unfortunately I don't,
My family does not live in the city.
And so for me to get in to the city and see everybody,
I just was not doing stuff like that.
And I was at home with my family.
So I apologise for that.
Next time, when I come in to town,
I will plan more,
If it's, you know,
Not just family focused.
I will plan more to do more meet-ups and stuff like that.
And tomorrow morning,
I am leaving for Montreal.
So, I'm trying to get a video out,
And then I'm going to do a Wednesday word of wisdom for tomorrow,
Because I'm travelling tomorrow.
So, sorry if,
I apologise this is late.
And I apologise that I'm so tired.
Okay.
But I have two questions today that I think are really great.
And then I have a journal topic from Jennifer.
Thanks Jennifer for sending that out.
Okay.
Let's get going.
First question,
'How can I stop isolating?'
'I have hardly been out over the Christmas celebrations,'
'Though I have had several invitations.'
'And I find myself being horrible to anyone who tries to talk to me.'
'What can I do to stop?'
'Is it just a matter of forcing myself to go out, even when I don't want to?'
'And trying harder not to end up snapping at people.'
'Or is there something I can / should be doing to make it easier?'
'I miss being sociable.'
Now I have a few clients currently who are struggling with this.
And I know a lot of us struggle with this.
And there are a couple of things that come to mind.
And a couple of things,
That I want to give you some tips and tricks to help you get through it.
Now the first is,
That my guess is it's either,
And it depends on what you are struggling with.
If it's an eating disorder,
My guess is that your eating disorder is going crazy and making you really unhappy.
Or it's your depression and anxiety.
And they are getting really loud.
And they are ruining your mood.
And then the thought of going out with people,
And the thought of interacting is like,
'Are you kidding me?'
And so we get really frustrated and really edgy.
And everything people say, we like, snap at them.
And we are like,
'Eh, stop calling. Blah blah blah. I don't want to talk to you.'
So, okay,
So it doesn't really matter why, but it's happening.
Right.
So then what do we do?
Now, this is going to sound tedious.
And it's going to sound silly.
But the best thing for us to do when we are struggling with this is,
To talk back to that negative voice in our head.
And I know a lot of you are like,
'Kati I don't do that. I don't know how to start it. It's really hard.'
It's honestly not as hard as it sounds.
So the way that we usually start it out,
Is you start with one of the most common negative thoughts you have.
So lets for example, since it's being sociable and stuff, it's like,
'But they're driving me crazy and I really don't want to see anybody.'
'And it's much work to go out.'
Whatever those things are, right.
So I'm isolating.
What do we say back to that?
'But I'd like to see people. I miss hanging out with them.'
'And who knows, I may have fun.'
And I know that sounds really simple.
And it sounds like,
Well you didn't really argue back.
And you're not really yelling at the voice.
And you're not really making it go away.
That's not the point.
The point of it is that we are actually able to kind of logically / factually,
Depending on what it is you are arguing against.
We're able to stop that thought from growing.
Because what usually happens is that we have those thoughts.
And they're automatic.
We don't even think about it.
They are happening all day long.
But those thoughts turn into big beliefs.
And so as we target those thoughts one at a time.
And we start stopping them.
We say, 'But maybe I would enjoy it.'
You know, 'But she is one of my best friends.'
And, 'But I've been feeling really lonely.'
And, 'I can't watch any more reruns of Law and Order SVU.'
Whatever it is.
We have to start talking back to and stopping those thoughts,
Before they turn in to a big big thought / problem.
And we just feel like we're blocked and we can't get out.
And so starting small like that will not only help improve our mood,
Because then we're not living in Negative Nancy Land all day long.
Which can be really exhausting and make us really grouchy.
But it also may help us fight the automatic thought to stay and not go out.
And we may venture out.
Now another thing that you could do.
So that sounds really tedious and takes some time.
But we need help now.
I would encourage you, if you are really struggling with this,
The best way we can like force ourselves.
Is to pick what we're doing.
Pick a very wonderful situation / get together.
Make it your best friends, or friend.
Maybe just one person.
Pick a place where it's not so stressful for you.
Maybe it in a time where you have nothing else going on,
So there is no pressure to get there at x amount of time,
And be gone by this time to get somewhere else.
Do it where it's at your leisure.
And you don't feel so overwhelmed.
Because I find a lot of my clients struggle.
Even personally.
If I'm on a tight schedule, and I have to get out of there by this time.
It makes it not as enjoyable.
I'm watching the clock.
I'm wondering how long.
How long for me to walk to my car.
To get in my car.
To go to the,
It's too much.
And so, in a way we're setting ourselves up for success,
By making it with someone that we really care about who is supportive.
And hopefully you have someone in your life who you can even talk to them honestly.
And be like,
'I have been isolating. I'm really struggling getting out.'
'And I don't know what my problem is. And I'm trying to fight it, you know.'
And then maybe they can even help support you,
And be like, 'Hey there is a party with a lot of our close friends that's happening.'
'And I'd be happy to come get you if you want to go.'
Setting up those things.
And that is a lot of the forcing part that this person was talking about.
But it can also help in the moment,
When taking the time to talk back to all of those thoughts,
Which I would encourage you to do in the long run.
Because it will help you out in the long run more.
But we don't have time for it.
And sometimes we have to just kind of set up situations that are best for us,
And force ourselves out.
And I promise you will feel better.
If you are around supportive loving people, who doesn't feel better?
Right.
Okay, question number two,
'Hey Kati, I think I have BPD.'
Which is Borderline Personality Disorder.
I have a video about it if you are curious about what it is.
Oh, excuse me.
'But I'm scared to bring it up with my therapist.'
'I feel like she wont believe me because I internalise everything,'
'And I worry about being "wrong" about my diagnosis.'
'Based on my research online, I feel like I fit most of the criteria for BPD.'
'But because I internalise everything,'
'I don't think those characteristics are visible to others.'
'I've seen this, what is called "Quiet borderline".'
'What are your thoughts on this, should I tell my therapist?'
I hear about this all of the time.
And I haven't answered it yet, because I want to make a Monday video about it.
But I haven't decided how I want to verbalise it yet.
Anyway.
Quiet Borderline, technically is not a diagnosis.
But, and I get a lot of push back from a lot of my peers and colleges that I work with,
Because some people don't even believe it exists.
They think I'm bullshitting them.
And I wouldn't necessarily call it Quiet Borderline.
I just think that every one experiences diagnosis differently.
I could have depression, and it could look one way.
And Suzie over here could have depression,
And it could look a whole another way.
But they are both still depression.
And I think, like this person said,
BPD, if you have most of the criteria.
But yet you don't externalise it.
Does that mean that you don't have it?
I don't think so.
Because you know you still have it.
And so I would bring it up with your therapist.
I would even,
I would honestly say to your therapist what you said to me.
I am a therapist.
And I'm pretty reasonable.
And I think that they'd be pretty reasonable.
And I get what you are saying.
Not everyone is a boisterous externalising borderline,
Where you struggle with connections with people.
You fight with people a lot.
You can be really volatile.
You feel like they really harmed you, because the attachment issues.
You can watch my video if you want more information on this.
I'm just trying to summarise kind of how it can feel.
Like they express that borderlines are like burn victims.
They are very sensitive.
They are emotional burn victims.
And that can be really hard to relate to others in a calm cool manner,
When we feel like everything is so painful.
But a lot of us internalise it.
And we think,
'I am wrong. I am crazy for feeling this way. Oh my god, everything is terrible.'
And we can do that inside.
So nobody knows it.
But that doesn't make it any less real.
Tell your therapist.
Be honest about it.
They will completely understand, talk to you about it.
And figure out what's best for you.
And how to work through that with you, you know the way that you're feeling it.
Like I said, everyone experiences it differently,
But that doesn't make it any less real.
Okay.
And that takes me to an amazing journal topic, thanks Jennifer.
And she actually sent me two.
But I will only use this one first.
So she says,
I'm a Harry Potter fan, as all of you are, and she says,
'Hey Kati, I found two inspirational quotes for you.'
'I have been reading Harry Potter again.'
I have read it many times too,
It's almost better sometimes the second.
I'm like, "Oh I forgot about that."
'And I love some of the things that Dumbledore says.'
Now this is the second one.
It said that it's her favourite, and I have to agree.
And he says, Dumbledore says,
"Of course it's happening inside your head Harry."
"But why on earth should that mean that it's any less real."
And I thought that was so perfect for question number two.
Just because it's happening in your head,
Doesn't make it any less real.
You know what you're feeling.
You know what's going on.
And the sooner we speak up,
The sooner we reach out for help,
The better.
And that is my encouragement to all of you.
It's a New Year here soon.
And I would take it by the reins,
And reach out and get support that you need.
I know many of you struggled with that.
And it's really hard.
But you're worth it.
Fight for it.
We can do it.
Okay.
I love you all.
And I will see you tomorrow.
I'm going to be putting out a Wednesday Wisdom video.
So stay tuned for that.
And then on Thursday I will be on twitter.
Love you,
Bye.
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