>> JAMES: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE
SHOW.
THANKS FOR STAYING UP LATE WITH US.
WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH REGINA HALL AND LATER WE HAVE A
PERFORMANCE FROM MOBY, YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.
MOBY HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN THE SHOW, HASN'T HE.
>> Reggie: YES.
>> James: YOU'VE TEXTED HIM SEVERAL TIMES DURING THE SHOW.
>> Reggie: I HAVE.
>> James: HAVE YOU TALKED TO HIM ABOUT HIS APPEARANCE TODAY?
>> Reggie: I FORGOT HE'S ON.
I'LL TEXT HIM.
>> James: JUST SAY, HEY, MAN, JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF YOU'RE
GOOD FOR "THE LATE LATE SHOW."
I DO THIS WITH ALL THE GUESTS.
>> Reggie: YES.
>> James: LOOK WHO'S BACK IN SINCE -- YOU REMEMBER
CORONAVIRUS.
>> Reggie: I DO.
>> James: YOU REMEMBER CORONAVIRUS.
>> James: FIRST SHOW, BACK IN, L.D.
LOOK AT THIS GUY!
( APPLAUSE ) YOU'VE HAD BIG HITS ON THE AIR
DURING THE LOCKDOWN.
MAYBE I'M IMMUNE, ONE DAY MORE.
>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> James: YOU DID A BIG ONE THAT WAS A MISTAKE AS SOON AS IT
ARRIVED.
>> IT WAS A VERY TALL SKELETON.
>> James: VERY TALL SKELETON.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE WORKED.
>> James: THAT'S WHAT THE WHOLE BIT WAS BASED ON AND IT
FELT LIKE A MISTAKE THE FIRST SECOND WE STARTED DOING IT.
>> WAS IT DURING HALLOWEEN EVEN?
THE HEIGHT OF HALLOWEEN, HEIGHT OF SKELETON POPULARITY.
WE WERE TAPPED IN.
AND ON PAPER IT WORKED.
>> James: WE WERE TAPPED IN TO THE VIRALITY.
WE WERE REALLY TAPPED IN.
WHERE IS THAT SKELETON NOW, ROB?
>> I THINK WE RENTED IT FROM A FAMILY THAT JUST HAD ONE IN
THEIR YARD AND ROSY WENT TO THEIR DOOR.
>> James: IS THAT TRUE.
THEY WERE REALLY HARD TO FIND.
IT WAS A VERY VIRAL MOMENT FOR GIANT SKELETONS.
>> James: UNFORTUNATELY NOT ON THIS SHOW.
( LAUGHTER ) HOW YOU DOING, C.
C., MOBY'S ON THE SHOW.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
>> GREAT!
WE TEXTED ABOUT IT EARLIER A LITTLE BIT.
>> James: SORRY?
WE TEXTED ABOUT IT EARLIER.
>> James: YOU DID?
WE DID.
WE MOSTLY STUCK TO MEMES.
>> James: STILL IN CONTACT.
YEAH.
>> James: YOU'RE A COOL PERSON.
HOW LONG AGO WAS IT THAT YOU WERE MRS. MOBY.
>> LIKE AT LEAST TEN YEARS AGO BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR
SEVEN YEARS.
>> James: SO TEN YEARS AGO.
YEAH.
>> James: WAS HE EXCITED ABOUT BEING ON THE SHOW?
>> YEAH.
>> James: WHEN YOU'RE WITH MOBY, DO YOU CALL HIM -- IS HIS
REAL NAME MOBY?
>> MOBY OR MO.
>> James: YEAH, SURE.
HIS REAL NAME IS RICHARD.
>> James: SO HE'S MOBY DICK.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S ASTONISHING.
THAT'S NEVER COME OUT.
I TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH, HIS PERFORMANCE TONIGHT IS
BRILLIANT.
WITH THE PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA.
>> IT'S A MASSIVE SYMPHONY AND A GOSPEL CHOIR.
>> James: THE WOMAN SINGING THE VOCALS IS EXTRAORDINARY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
LOW ENERGY.
WHY IS THAT?
POST-OBAMA.
>> OBAMA COMEDOWN.
>> James: IT'S THE OBAMA COMEDOWN.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE ALL EXPERIENCING.
YESTERDAY IT WAS A HIVE OF JUST FRENETIC ENERGY AND NOW WE'RE,
LIKE, EH.
WELL, NOW THAT WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT PRODUCTS OR
ANYTHING, IT'S DIFFICULT.
>> THEY CLIPPED OUR WINGS.
>> James: IT'S TOUGH.
I HOPE THEY'RE WATCHING THIS.
DO THEY WATCH THE LIVE FEED, NICK, THE MAIN CHEESES?
>> SOMETIMES THEY DO K BUT I DON'T KNOW DAY-TO-DAY.
>> James: TELL THEM TO TUNE IN AND SAY THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS
LIKE.
( LAUGHTER ) TELL HIM TO WATCH TELL HIM TO
WATCH BITS FROM LAST WEEK, FEEL THE ENERGY IN HERE TONIGHT,
WHAT'S DIFFERENT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> I KNOW THAT THIS IS A
SURPRISE TO YOU BUT SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT THEIR BUSINESS OUT ON
NATIONAL TELEVISION, AND THAT IS OUR SALES DEPARTMENT.
>> James: SORRY.
SORRY.
YOU'RE SAYING THE SALES DEPARTMENT, WHOSE JOB IT IS TO
INTEGRATE PRODUCTS ON TELEVISION, DON'T WANT PRODUCTS
TO BE TALKED ABOUT ON TELEVISION.
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
>> James: THAT MIGHT BE AN ISSUE.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW, JUST A THOUGHT,
NICK.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE WEARING A LONG SLEEVED SWEATER SO NO ONE CAN
SEE THE MARKS ON YOUR WRISTS AFTER THE SLAPPING THEY GOT OVER
THE WEEKEND.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I'M NOT ONE WHO GOES TO THE
PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE OFTEN AND YOU'VE TURNED ME INTO THAT
PERSON.
>> OH, OH...
>> James: NO, EVERYONE IS HAVING A GREAT TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: YEAH.
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET FIRED FOR SWEAT PANTS.
>> James: NO, YOU DID NOT.
NO, I DIDN'T, BUT I WAS -- I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS.
I WAS ACTUALLY JUST PLEASANTLY SURPRISED WHEN I SWIPED MY BADGE
AND IT STILL OPENED THE LOCK.
>> James: DON'T TALK ABOUT I WANT BECAUSE WE'LL NEED TO RECAP
THE VIEWERS WHAT HAPPENED.
>> I THINK YOU DO NEED TO TELL THE VIEWERS WHAT HAPPENED.
>> James: ROLL THE CLIP.
ROB.
WE GOT INTO HOT WATER.
>> James: WE GOT INTO SOME HOT WATER.
IT WASN'T BOIL HOT.
I WOULD SAY IT WAS WARM.
IT'S DONE IN THE NICEST WAY.
IT WAS WARM.
I WOULD CANT IT WAS A BATH.
>> IT WAS A FACE SLASH.
>> James: YES, WE GOT SLASHED.
IT WAS A SUPERSOAKER.
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS.
WE GOT A LITTLE TALKING TO.
JUST SAYING.
GUYS, PUMP THE BRAKES ON THE OLF FROM -- BIG CORPORATIONS.
( LAUGHTER ) AND, YEAH, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO
DO ABOUT THIS FUNK WE'VE GOT IN HERE?
HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET IT BACK?
>> Reggie: WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE NEWS.
( SHIP HORN BLOWING ) >> JAMES: WELL, IT'S THAT TIME,
IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
PRESIDENT BIDEN WAS IN MICHIGAN TODAY, VISITING FORD MOTOR
COMPANY'S ELECTRIC VEHICLE PLANT.
AS PART OF THE VISIT, BIDEN WAS GIVEN A TEST DRIVE OF THE NEW
ELECTRIC VERSION OF FORD'S POPULAR PICKUP, THE F150
LIGHTNING.
IT WAS ONLY A TEST DRIVE, BUT BIDEN MADE SURE TO INSTALL HIS
DANCING HULA GIRL ON THE DASHBOARD.
HERE'S BIDEN DRIVING THE TRUCK: >> MR. PRESIDENT!
THIS SUCKER'S QUICK.
>> James: THIS SUCKER'S QUICK.
YOU JUST KNOW THIS MOMENT IS LIKE FIFTY PERCENT OF THE REASON
JOE BIDEN GOT INTO POLITICS.
( LAUGHTER ) I HOPE SOMEONE EDITS BIDEN INTO
EVERY SCENE OF THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS MOVIES.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE THIS.
( ENGINE REVVING ) >> THIS SUCKER'S QUICK.
>> James: NEW YORK GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO HAS ANNOUNCED THAT,
STARTING TOMORROW, THE STATE WILL NO LONGER REQUIRE MASKS OR
SOCIAL DISTANCING FOR VACCINATED PEOPLE.
IN THE ANNOUNCEMENT, CUOMO SAID, LET'S GET BACK TO LIFE, WHICH
FOR NEW YORKERS MEANS CONVINCING YOURSELVES THAT IT MAKES
COMPLETE SENSE TO PAY $3,000 A MONTH TO SUBLET A STRANGER'S
SUPPLY CLOSET.
THAT'S IT.
NO MORE SOCIAL DISTANCING, WHICH MEANS VACCINATED NEW YORKERS
WILL, ONCE AGAIN, BE ALLOWED TO DANCE IN A FOUNTAIN WITH THEIR
CURRENT ROOMMATE, NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS, THEIR OLDER BROTHER
AND FORMER ROOMMATE.
THOSE OF US IN CALIFORNIA, HOWEVER, ARE GOING TO HAVE TO
WAIT A LITTLE LONGER.
CALIFORNIA HAS NO PLANS TO LIFT THE INDOOR MASK MANDATE FOR
VACCINATED PEOPLE UNTIL JUNE 15th.
SO YOU STILL HAVE SOME TIME TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE VAXXED, WAXED
AND THAT LIP FILLER IS STACKED.
JUNE 15th, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ON THE SHOW.
>> Reggie: A STRIPTEASE -- WOW, WOW, WOW WOW, -- WOW.
>> James: THAT FOLLOWED BY APPLE BOBBING.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH I MISSED APPLE BOBBING.
I REALLY MISSED IT.
IT WAS DIFFICULT THE FIRST BIT AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A
CONSTANT PUSH.
WHEN CAN WE APPLE BOB?
SEPTEMBER.
WHEN CAN WE APPLE BOB?
MARCH.
WHEN CAN WE APPLE BOB?
I'VE JUST NOT BEEN IN THERE FOR AGES.
HOW DID APPLE BOBBING START AS A THING.
>> WHAT IS APPLE BOB?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT APPLE BOBBING IS?
OH, YOU'RE IN FOR A TREAT.
BRING IN THE BUCKET!
APPLE BOBBING, I'M JOKING, IS ABSURD.
YOU GET A BIG, LIKE, TANK OF WATER, A TANK FROM ANY STORE,
NOT GOING TO MENTION BRANDS, AND --
( LAUGHTER ) -- AND YOU FILL IT WITH APPLES,
ANY RANGE OF APPLES FROM ANY STORE, NOT AFFILIATED, ANY
PARTICULAR BRAND OF APPLES, YOU CAN BOB WHEREVER APPLES YOU
WANT.
AND THE WATER IS FULL, YOU PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK AND
YOU RACE AGAINST YOURSELF OR YOU DO IT ON YOUR OWN.
>> THERE'S USUALLY SOMEBODY ELSE IN THERE.
YOU'RE TRYING TO GET AS MANY APPLES AT ONE TIME.
>> James: SO THERE'S APPLES FLOATING ON THE TOP AND YOU'VE
GOT TO PUT YOUR HEAD IN AND GET AN APPLE, AND THAT'S WHY I ASK
THE QUESTION HOW TID IT START AND HOW HAS IT REMAINED --
>> IT'S THE CELTICS.
>> James: IT WAS BASICALLY THE AM BOX.
>> Reggie: WHY IT WOULD START WITH THE CELTICS
( SINGING CELTIC SONG ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> PLEASE KEEP GOING, REGGIE.
DO SOME MORE.
GIVE US SOME CELTIC. MOSTLY BZ ♪♪♪
( SINGING CELTIC STYLE ) >> James: I MEAN, COME ON!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) COME ON!
AND WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS,
ACCORDING TO A NEW REPORT, AIRLINES COULD SOON START
WEIGHING PASSENGERS BEFORE FLIGHTS.
DUE TO NEW FEDERAL REQUIREMENTS ABOUT WEIGHT LOAD, PASSENGERS
COULD BE ASKED TO DISCLOSE THEIR WEIGHT OR STEP ON A SCALE BEFORE
BOARDING.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
THAT'S NOT -- GOOD NEWS.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT AT AN AIRPORT YOU'RE RETAINING AT
LEAST FIVE POUNDS IN CINNABON WEIGHT ALONE.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS GOING TO BE SO
EMBARRASSING, PARTICULARLY FOR ME.
IF THEY TELL ME MY WEIGHT AT THE AIRPORT, I'M GOING TO BE, LIKE,
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I DON'T WEIGH THAT MUCH.
I'M ACTUALLY SMUGGLING DRUGS.
THAT'S LESS EMBARRASSING FOR ME.
I'VE GOT 35 POUNDS OF COCAINE IN MY STOMACH.
I MEAN, I DON'T LIKE THIS, DUE, IAN?
>> IT IS TIME, FINALLY, FLYING BECAME A SOMEWHAT UNPLEASANT
EXPERIENCE.
>> James: YEAH.
PARTICULARLY IF YOU'RE BIG.
>> UP UNTIL NOW, IF YOU WERE OVERWEIGHT ON AN AIRPLANE, IT
WAS LIKE ( BLEEP ) PARADISE.
>> James: YEAH, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
>> YOU WALK DOWN THE AISLES AND EVERYBODY'S LOOKING AT YOU,
FROWNING BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS YOU
ARE.
>> James: YEAH.
AND THEY'RE LOOKING AT THE EMPTY SEAT NEXT TO THEM, LOOKING AT
YOU, LOOKING AT THE SEAT, DEEP DOWN THEY'RE THINKING, OH, I
WISH I HAD A COOL PERSON LIKE THAT SITTING NEXT TO ME.
>> YOU HEAR THEM ALMOST PRAYING UNDER THEIR BREATH, PRAYING THAT
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SITS NEXT TO THEM.
>> James: YES, YEAH.
AND THEN THE SEAT BELTS, WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THOSE.
>> James: THEN YOU'VE GOT THE LOVELY STEWARDESS THAT COMES UP
AND SAYS, YOU'RE SO COOL, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU AN ADDITIONAL
PIECE OF FABRIC.
>> YEAH, AND THE NICE THING IS, SHE LETS EVERYONE KNOW IT'S
COMING DOWN THE AISLE.
SHE DOESN'T HOLD IT HERE, SHE HOLDS IT HERE LIKE SHE CAUGHT IT
FISHING.
>> James: BECAUSE SHE WANTS EVERYONE TO KNOW THERE'S A COOL
PERSON ON THE PLANE.
>> YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ) AND DID EVERYONE HEAR ABOUT
THIS?
A CALIFORNIA WOMAN CLAIMS THAT SHE HAD THE WINNING TICKET FOR
THE TWENTY-SIX MILLION-DOLLAR STATE LOTTERY, BUT SHE
ACCIDENTALLY DESTROYED IT BY RUNNING IT THROUGH THE WASHING
MACHINE BEFORE SHE COULD CASH IT IN.
I THINK SHE MISUNDERSTOOD THE PHRASE MONEY LAUNDERING.
( LAUGHTER ) SHE'S OUT $26 MILLION.
BUT NOW SHE HAS A FUNNY STORY TO TELL AT COCKTAIL PARTIES.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE
THIS, TELL THEM WHAT YOU DID.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.
GO ON, TELL THEM.
TELL THEM EASY DOWN.
TELL THEM ABOUT THE TICKET.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME, SUSAN?
>> WHAT?
>> James: THE WOMAN'S WASHER DID HER BITTER DIRTY.
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE AT, NICK.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S WHERE WE'LL BE.
>> THAT'S MY FAULT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> ALL OF OUR WRITERS WERE
RETURNING THEIR SWEAT PANTS SO THEY COULDN'T WRITE JOKES.
>> James: THEY WERE ALL BUSY WRITING HANDWRITTEN LETTERS TO
THE HEAD OF THE NETWORK APOLOGIZING.
>> I WROTE EVERYONE HERE A HANDWRITTEN LETTER AT THE
HOLIDAYS AND THERE ARE AT LEAST TWO PEOPLE NOW THAT WILL NOT BE
GETTING A HANDWRITTEN LETTER THIS CHRISTMAS.
>> James: OH, NO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> THAT'S ABOUT THE MOST I CAN
DO.
THAT'S ABOUT THE MOST I CAN DO.
>> James: I LOVE YOUR HANDWRITTEN LETTERS.
THEY'RE ALWAYS SO LOVELY.
THEY ARE.
I HOPE YOU'RE HERE AT CHRISTMAS TO SEND THIS ONE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: AND FINALLY WE
WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS -- A COMPANY HAS JUST RELEASED A
NEW HARD SELTZER THAT CONTAINS 5% ALCOHOL, ZERO SUGAR, AND
TASTES LIKE PICKLE JUICE.
IT'S CALLED, HARD PICKLE SELTZER.
I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
FIRST, WHY IS A COWBOY RIDING A PICKLE ROCKET?
( LAUGHTER ) THE HARD BEVERAGE CONTAINS 5%
ALCOHOL, NO SUGAR, AND A 100% GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL NOT
BE INVITED BACK TO THAT PARTY.
PICKLE JUICE SELTZER.
LET'S HOPE IT'S A BIGGER HIT THAN THEIR LAST PRODUCT
BOOZY HOT DOG WATER.
AND THAT'S IT, THAT IS TODAY'S NEWS. YOUR UP TO DATE.