(akward silence).........
OH! I have an intro.
MAC!
So Im broke. Thats a thing we all-
Step back
So I'm broke. Last year (if you don't know) I had an experience where I
tried to get a sugar daddy and it completely failed- you look so awkward
-(wheeze) -I wanted to look awkward (?)
I tried to get a sugar daddy. It failed. I almost got scammed. I almost got my identity stolen.
For MONTHS (MONTHS) I've been pondering. And wondering. "What would life be LIKE. If
I had the one and only sugar daddY to please mE in multiple way-i-e-s?" And today
We're going to finally find out.
Today is the day that YA BOI, Ya Bitch, Ya Main Hoe, Ya Main Padre
Is going to get the one and only delectable daddy dipped in sugar.(That's what sugar daddies are, right?)
(I hope so) SO I! Am going to scour Grindr. And see if I can find a sugar daddy
But since! Most people on grindr don't even talk to me. Because I am
terrifying (I TALK TO YOU ON GRINDR)
I decided 'what better way to get dad to talk to me on grindr than be the number one thing
All gays in LA desire to have: a white twink?' (Christ) and that is when you come forward (Ok)
Sup, I'm the white twink
So I dragged this person down here into the depths of hell and today
-We're going to find ourselves a sugar daddy to share. (Collectively) Collectively
We're gonna share him. We're gonna abuse money out of him.
All our student loans are gonna be paid.You don't even have student loans.
-You don't know how it feels. -I should get student loans and then pay them off.
Let's get a Team Ten house
With a sugar daddy
Too soon. (Too soon) Too soon.
-Wait, do you want to tell them about yourself first? -Oh, I guess so. Hey, what's up? My name is Ryan.
I make videos too. That's literally all I do. And that's all you've learned about me. Oh, I'm gay
And we're done
~Dream Daddy Interlude~
Let's go. Give me your phone
Oh, Christ
*Clears throat* So here we are.
For safety and because I don't want to be that kind of bitch (Privacy)
Privacy is important. All the people with faces are going to be blurred but you guys can enjoy
The Delectvity of the abdonimal and (Various skin tones?) pelvic regions
It's just a blurred mess
This is it. This is the place. (This is where it all happens) This is where dreams come true
I've been, like, waiting. Turning on Grindr and just, like, letting my messages RACK UP
-So we have some content. -That sounds so privileged
'TURN ON MY GRINDR AND GET LIKE 50,000 MESSAGES OH MY GOD.' I get ZERO bitch. I get NONE.
Again, I message you.
We got this guy. He says 'Sup'. He's 5 miles away.. (*whispering* that's close) That's terrifying
He smokin' the marijuana. Wow, This is rated R, guys. Rainbow heart and marijuana. This is just everything that YouTube hates.
Literally, what's next? More gay people? You're gonna get restricted. Two guys kissing?
That's crazy. What's next? In a Heartbeat reaction videos?
He looks young, though. (Yeah, he's 18.) Oh he's 18. Oh. He can't be sugar daddy
-Unless he's, like, financial stabe at 18. -Is any millennial ever financially stable at a young age? -Tana Mongeau
~Dream Daddy Interlude~
Oh
Can we show this?
Hey, Daddy. You got money?
Straight to the point. (I mean, right there) Right there. This guy sent his location. (Oh my god)
That looks like a fake-ass picture
-That looks like it was a picture taken in like 2005 -On an iPhone 3G. Underwater
~Dream Daddy Interlude~
I am very interested (Yes) in your proposal
I don't know that sound. I've never get it. Oh, that's what Grindr sounds like?
It gets annoying. It is annoying
'IT GETS ANNOYING, OH MY GOD'
Not what I meant! And you KNOW
~Dream Daddy Interlude~
'What to meet and discuss?' (Already?) 'Happy to pick you up or meet you wherever'
I don't want that. I don't want you to die. I want a sugar daddy that doesn't want to touch me
I mean, not a far stretch. I want that too.
What's your income?
-Straight. To. The point. -How much money do you make in a year?
Idea just give me deposits in my PayPal. I'll say 'No thanks, just Venmo'
-His username is HottDaddy4U -He's a hot daddy -(together) for us
Guess so
~Dream Daddy Interlude~
*phone dings*
Ooh. You mom is asking if you're packed.
So many messages. It just keeps goiiiiiiiiiiing
*high pitched* I don't know what to say! You want me to say some pretentious-
-'Any more pics?' Oh damn. -Why do they always do this? All we want is money from them ('Any more pics?')
*both sigh*
~Dream Daddy Interlude~
We have to send this on a good note.
You're on 10% battery so we have to end this. You said 'just venmo' and the man got scared off.
'Do you like older?'
Mac, this is our last and final chance. We need to make it to where he can't say no, tho.
Will you be my sugar daddy?
If yes, say yes. If no, do a backflip.
Well, I'm trying to find a sugar daddy winky face. Now we wait.
*phone chimes*
Okay
-'Well, I'm your guy.' -That's it. (Did it) That's all, folks. (We found it)
Oh, wait, no, he said 'depends how cute your cock is'
Well, there you go, guys. Moral of the story:
Don't go to college and just go on Grindr and look for a sugar daddy
Exactly. Comment down below
You want a sugar daddy? Do you have a sugar daddy?
Have you gotten close to getting a sugar daddy? Do you even know what the hell a sugar daddy is?
Anyways, we're gonna go get fake Venmo accounts
-And try to, like, actually scam some money -And try to get- get some money
My name's Mac. This is Ryan. And don't forget to like, comment, share and subscribe.
-Do you know? How the- -I was gonna- I was about to go it
-Oh, ok -I was gonna let you sing it. I was gonna go *deep breath*
But then I didn't. Okay
Are we doing it again?
Nope. It's too late. One, two, three
BWAAAAAAH