- Today, more and more people are becoming open
to identifying as non-binary and/or non-conforming.
It's a topic that gets a lot of people riled up,
but also allows for the liberation of so many others.
I, however, am not an expert,
so I invited my good friend Luna,
who knows what they're actually talking about.
- What's up beautiful people!
My name is Luna, and I identify
as non-binary and Mexican-American.
Some of you may be wondering
what does non-binary non-conforming mean?
So I invited some of my friends to talk about it.
(funky pop music)
I identify as non-binary, Trans Fem.
Non-binary is essentially neither male or female,
neither man or woman,
beyond the binary, meaning two choices.
Trans feminine means that I was assigned male at birth
and I'm transitioning to a feminine gender.
- Hi everyone, my name is Niko Tiare,
I go by they and she pronouns,
and my dad is from Puerto Rico.
I identify as a designated female at birth
shape-shifting girl, probably.
And for me that identity falls under non-binary
because it's not exclusively female or male.
- Hi, my name is Camilo Gonzalez Garcia and I am from Cuba.
I identify as two spirit and non-binary.
- My name is Joey Flamboyant
because my name is Joey and I'm really flamboyant.
My family's from El Salvador and Mexico.
I identify as non-binary, gender-fluid, all of the above.
- My name's Karis Wilde, my family was born in
Tehuaca Ohka, California,
I identify as a man, a woman, non-binary, genderqueer.
It's kind of all applies to me.
- I think it's super important
to ask other people's pronouns,
because you really just don't know.
I think there's the assumption, that, like,
girl, boy, or non-binary has a certain look,
but there really isn't, so you really have to ask
in able to know.
- The more we can ask, the more the culture will shift.
And so it's more normal, just like how we ask people
what their nicknames are.
- Pronouns are important 'cause it's how we interact
with each other, and it's how I can describe
someone to someone else.
We use them every single day,
so why not use ones that fit, you know?
- Not everyone has the same pronoun,
everyone is different and comes from
a different walk of life.
- I think pronouns are important because
they help people be seen, and it makes them
feel like they're in their body when people
actually respect them.
- First things we notice about somebody
is their perceived gender.
So that when we talk to somebody,
I'm saying "I see you", or "I don't see you at all",
and to walk through the world never being seen
is like the worst nightmare.
And so for me, gendering somebody correctly is saying
"I see you, and I value you as who
you are saying that you are".
- The reason why some people may be
less flexible about their pronouns
is because that's very important to their transition.
The reason why I'm more flexible is because
I am coming from patience, I understand
that I have to inform people and educate people
about non-binary and non-conforming identities,
- I used to get mad when people didn't
get my pronouns correctly.
And I think now, at this point in my journey,
I'm a lot more easy-going about it,
just because, I feel like, I know who I am,
and I understand that my proximity to cis-ness
changes on a day-to-day basis,
depending on how I express myself,
so if I'm being perceived as a cis man or a cis woman,
that's access to safety.
Depending on the moment,
I'm a little more concerned about like,
the violence against trans women of color,
or homeless youth.
So for me, pronouns are taking
a little of a backseat right now in terms of my energy,
but it just really depends on where a person's at.
- The difference between non-binary and non-conforming
is non-binary is a gender identity where someone may feel
that they are neither male or female,
neither man or woman.
Nonconforming means your gender expression
doesn't meet the typical standards of what is defined
as masculine and feminine.
- I think in our desire to create spaces for ourselves
that really cement our identities and validate ourselves,
we are forcing ourselves into boxes
that don't really need to be there.
- Stop trying to put people in boxes, period.
- How I described it to my five-year-old sister
when I came out to her, was,
just like how there is man, there is woman,
there is another circle that hasn't been filled in yet,
that doesn't have a name, and that's me.
- Think of gender as colors,
it's like if you're mixing yellow and blue, and make green.
The more you use, the more you can blend,
and you can create new creations.
- I'm like you, and your friend over there, but in one.
- They are so accepting, it's only when they're older
that they turn into (beep).
- I love the word Latinx, because it is an homage
to the culture and history we've had,
that's been kind of pushed to the margins.
With Latinx, we're able to honor all the people that've been
on the forefront of our history, and as well as on the back,
and all the people who have not conformed in our world
and our society, and it reclaims our history.
- I find so much power in the word Latinx
because I am not just Latino, or Latina, I am Latinx.
- I much prefer the e at the end, Latine.
You know, instead of e-yah or elle.
I think it's much more accessible, especially to
our mothers and our fathers and our grandfathers,
who hear this "x" thing and they're like,
"What the, what the hell is that?"
You know what I mean?
- I don't think it's impossible to find neutral
pronouns in Spanish.
To every will, there's a way.
- Surprising enough, my family's actually been
really accepting even though they are pretty religious.
- My family was not the most supportive family
when I came out,
and it was really really hard for me
and as somebody who has is choosing to love themselves,
I choose to put up really strong boundaries
with my biological family,
and really just celebrate myself from a distance.
- I don't think my family has a lot of trouble
with the way that I am because they saw me grow up.
Sometimes they don't have the language for it
but you know they know who I am,
and they know my heart so then that's all that matters.
Obviously if I was transitioning fully
I would want them to consider my
wishes of being a full she,
but when you're so in the middle I don't mind it.
And I'm only speaking for myself.
- My family did have difficulty using the word
they/them for me,
because they're like "I feel like I'm talking about
"more than one person," 'cause I am more than
just one pronoun.
- Like to this day really the only people
that like really get it are like my younger sibling
who's eight and my grandma who, bless her heart,
immediately just started calling me what I wanted
to be called and using, you know,
the pronouns that I wanted to be used.
But the transition was very difficult on my family.
- I want cis people to know that we exist,
that we are here, we're your friends, we're your family,
we're your co-workers.
Maybe we just haven't come out to you yet
but it's because we're a little anxious and afraid.
- I want cis people to know y'all created cis-ness.
I was cis people to know gender has evolved over time
and I want cis people to know
when they engage in ridiculous transphobic conversation
that you're engaging in a culture
where over 40% of homeless youth in America
are queer or trans and those are usually
because they're kicked out from their family's homes,
you're creating a culture when you speak.
So speak as if you care about people.
- Non-binary genders have existed since the dawn of time.
Indigenous people of all cultures
have had ideas outside of the traditional
like male and female gender role that were celebrated.
Tahinos, my people, are two spirit folks
who are like medicine people and healers
and like amazing wonderful people that were helpful.
All this like "Back in my day we had two genders."
Like no, like before colonization there was like 30
so like cool it Steve.
- I wish that cis people would understand
that it's not a trend.
Non-binary people have been here for as long as cis people
have been here, we just now have words to put to that.
- I hear this all the time,
people think that like they/them pronouns
are grammatically incorrect,
when someone's walking down the street, hoodie on,
you don't see their gender.
When you're trying to say to your friend,
"Oh hey that person has a cute sweater,"
you're not gonna say "He or she has a cute sweater,"
you're gonna be like "Hey, that person over there,
"they have a cute sweater."
We use they/them in first person all the time.
It's not just when talking about a group of people,
it's not just when talking about
more than one person like,
we use it in a singular tense like all the time
without even realizing,
so it's not even as harsh of a transition
as people say it is,
and it's definitely not grammatically incorrect.
- I don't know why people
have a problem with adding new words,
if we can add muggle to the dictionary
then we can add Latinx, we can say they/them pronouns,
language is not set in stone.
- I think that as a non-binary person
it is so fun and awesome because
I get to explore who I am truly.
I think that people are just accepting
what is given to them,
and like they're put into a binary and they accept it.
I get to deconstruct that on a daily basis,
I get to be confused on a daily basis.
So I think that it is super awesome
that I get to have the opportunity to figure it out.
And I don't think a lot of people
really get that opportunity,
so I feel really just blessed to be non-binary.
- I love dressing up and going to galas,
or I like going camping and just being rugged
you know and, it's all very fitting to who I am.
- The fun part of being non-binary for me
is thinking of that I can do better this time
as far as my look.
No matter where I go,
people are either in awe or they're taking pictures
and sometimes it's not always with consent,
but I know that at the end of the day
they're always gagging, and I always bring it.
(snaps fingers)
- I mean you can look like this
when you're non-binary, like come on.
(funky pop music)
- It's not only okay to be non-binary,
it's awesome to be non-binary.
You're awesome just the way that you are,
definitely build a support system
and find people who are gonna support you
because it might go really really awesome.
- I would say find your family, find your friends,
find people who are like you and learn.
- You are valid, your feelings are valid
and whatever you're going through is valid.
- One of the joys of being non-binary for me
is not putting rules on myself and what's the rush
in trying to figure it out right now,
or put that label on yourself?
If it feels good, do it.
- It's honestly so much better,
and it feels so relieving.
That bandaid's just ripped right off.
- At the end of the day,
non-binary people and non-conforming people
are just that, people.
We deserve to be loved, respected and seen.
We've been here, and we aren't going anywhere.
And the future is fluid.
(speaking in foreign language)
- Let me show you.
(speaking in foreign language)
- [Luna] Okay, okay.
(speaking in foreign language)
- [Curly] Awesome, beautiful.
- [Camilo] Okay, okay wait, hold on.
- [Curly] Serving like you were cake.
(mumbling) (funky pop music)
(laughing)
- One second.
- I'm gonna put this in the video.
(laughing)
All right.
(funky pop music)