In "that's enough" news,
helicopter parents are so involved
in their millennial kids' lives,
they're going to job interviews with them.
"I think you guys should hire me,
and here's a word from my mommy."
Um... this is a great way to let your kids know
-you have zero faith in their ability. -Yeah.
Martin, your kids are 60 now? Do you...? Will-will you...?
-(laughter) -Yeah.
Now, were you a helicopter dad?
-Were you like that? -No, it's-it's...
-That's horrible, horrible parenting. -It is, right?
You're preparing them for nothing.
You know, when you look at the birds-- and I know you do...
-(laughter) -Yeah. They're in the nest,
they kick the little bird out. (imitates bird muttering)
-SPADE: Yeah. -And then it flies.
-And that's the last you hear from Mama. -RUDOLPH: Yeah.
And I think there's some sense to that.
-Mm. -That's true.
-You have little ones. -SPADE: A lot of kids.
I have little ones, yeah. I have a lot of kids.
Who's the smartest one?
(laughter)
I feel like people aren't embarrassed enough these days.
Who would bring their mom?
In my... When I grew up, you-you would never,
uh, hear from it from your friends enough.
-RUDOLPH: That's terrible. -I mean, people taking selfies
in the street-- I drive by, and I go, "Be embarrassed!"
-RUDOLPH: Yeah. -Well, it's... -SHORT: 100% agree.
-It's humiliating. Now you... -No, it's good.
Has anyone ever asked you
to help them get on SNL or a show?
-Either of you? -Probably. -I... Yeah.
I've gotten a few calls, but I can't, um, say who,
-because they got on. -SPADE: Oh. -Really?
-(laughter) -That's good.
-Was it me? -Uh...
-Yeah! -He didn't say that.
-SPADE: Yeah. -No, I didn't say that.
You get... It's, like, favor patrol.
Uh, I mean, I-I guess it makes sense, right?
I'm sure that happens a lot more.
I'm so naive, I didn't...
Yeah, I didn't think. I just slept my way to the top.
Well, you didn't mean to, 'cause you were too...
-(laughter) -SHORT: Yeah?
And I mean the top.
(laughter, applause and cheering)
You know, it's so funny, and you hear these rumors.
-And I had heard that, but I... -(laughter)
I never believed it.
No. Yeah. No, they don't have that for sure.
Then I saw your first year.
-And I believed it. -Oh.
No, no. She was great right off the bat.
-Boom. -Maya Rudolph is incredible.
We did a song on one of 'em when I hosted.
-We sure did. We did, uh... -"Insanity Crunch."
That's one of... that's one of my favorite fake songs
that, um, has ever been written.
-♪ Insanity Crunch ♪ -SPADE: Yeah.
♪ 12 great tastes ♪
♪ In one candy bar. ♪
Yeah. You remember.
(applause and cheering)
-Matt Piedmont wrote that. -Matt Piedmont is special.
-Nothing better. -You know what's funny is, you're on SNL,
you have to, uh... It-it helps if you sing.
Like, everyone on there that sings...
Like, I think you guys both sing, and if you don't,
you get cut out of sketches, because... you're just more...
in more if you can sing and dance and do all that.
But you go on one with someone that can really sing,
and it's embarrassing. I go, "Just please drown me out.
Just please sing louder than me."
-'Cause she's a super pro. -How many years did you do SNL?
-It's a great question. -You did SNL? -Yeah.
(laughter, applause)
Maya Louise!
Ah.
Why, I did.
-RUDOLPH: You did. -Yeah, I did, and, uh...
I did, uh... I did.
I don't know. '91...
'91 to '96, I think. I g...
You know, just 'cause we ask you a question,
-we don't really need the answer. -Yeah.
It was a joke question, and I answered it. Sad. Uh...
-Uh, it was just... It was a set-up joke. -Yeah, I know.
-And then we assumed you'd move on. -Yes.
A vendor at a Miami Dolphins game was caught scamming fans
by using his own credit card reader to charge people.
He was arrested after charging $700 for two beers.
There was no way they were gonna let him get away
-with giving a discount that big. Um... -RUDOLPH: What?
The fan was also ripped off when
he was charged three dollars for Dolphins tickets. Um...
(laughter)
Have you ever stolen from work? Because I have.
This work, or, um...?
SPADE: I steal little things from this work.
But I worked at a ski rental place in Arizona,
which is pointless anyway.
But you could drive up to the mountains.
So I got it, and I was one of their top 20 employees for sure.
And they said, "Do you want to be a cashier?"
And I was like, "Coolio." So I said, "Yeah."
Like, any job paid a dollar more.
So they brought me in, and they go,
"Well, you have to take a lie detector test."
I go, "Cool, cool, cool."
And, um, they go, "Before we start, like,
have you ever stolen anything?"
I go, "Yeah, I mean, like sunglasses and stuff."
And they go, "Uh-huh." And then, they go,
"Anything else?" And I go,
"I mean, I give skis to friends and stuff."
And they go, "Yeah."
And then, they go, "Anything else?"
I go, "I don't know. Just some stuff, uh, when I..."
Like, if they paid too much, you know, whatever, I take money.
And then... and then I go, all right...
And I go, "Let's start," and he goes,
"Uh, I don't think we need to do the actual lie de..."
I go, "'Cause I'm honest?"
I was, like, baffled for a year.
Oh, I'm honest, and I'm the bad guy.
You're honest. It's good to be honest.
I said I'd take it, because it... I go...
You guys didn't even notice. What do you care?
I don't remember... I-I tried to...
-You stole my watch. -I... I did not!
-That wasn't me! -Mm-hmm.
-(laughter) -Wait.
-No. -You know it wasn't me.
I think it wasn't you, but all arrows are...
It has nothing to do with me!
But he was... had a watch that was missing?
-Yeah. -Well, I... I don't...
you know, I think you're off the list of suspects.
This-this year?
-Yeah, yeah. -2019?
-It was ten years ago. -This was, like, 12 years ago.
I know. Guess what, I got it fixed.
I got a new one.
I'm tired of waiting.
Um, Martin, you don't seem like you steal stuff.
I don't. I don't like that idea.
-I stole something once. -Oh, bathrobes.
-From hotels. -(laughter)
So you do steal. Maya?
I thought you were calling me "bathrobes."
-Oh. No, no, no. -(laughter)
And by the way, I don't steal,
but I don't feel shoplifting is stealing.
-Yeah! -(laughter)
Don't leave me hangin'.