(dramatic music)
- [Narrator] My parents had dragged me out
to one of these stupid Christmas in July outdoor parties
in sunny Malibu, California. ("Joy to the World")
Malibu was the place to be,
when you wanted to be around a bunch of rich people,
sipping nutmeg iced lattes,
looking at Santas on surf boards and wrapped presents
that said dumb stuff like, Life's A Beach
and It's Wine O'Clock.
I hated it.
I hated these people.
I hated all this stuff.
And honestly, I hated Christmas.
There's something creepy about a man in a big red suit
coming down your chimney at night for milk and cookies.
We were at this stand, looking at stupid Rudolph beach bikes
and driftwood Christmas trees,
when I started to smell baked cookies.
Then, I heard the distant sound of jingle bells.
Then, I saw it.
This weird looking Santa.
He had small, piercing eyes, a stained coat,
and these jagged teeth that were dripping with something.
He smiled at me.
I turned to my parents, and asked if they were seeing this.
They were too busy trying on hats and taking pictures.
I looked to a group of people to my left.
I asked if they were seeing him,
if I was going crazy, but they were asking the shopkeeper
if the shell wreath was organic.
I turned back and saw that Walter was eating a candy cane
with what looked like a human finger at the end of it.
I started to feel sick.
He crunched on it.
It was a real human finger, a real one.
I could see the bone.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I turned to my parents, and screamed, "Look!"
They turned, and they saw Walter, and they laughed.
"That is too funny," my dad said.
"That is too funny, that is too funny.
"Can I take a picture with it?"
But the shopkeeper didn't know where it came from.
It wasn't his.
He hadn't hired him.
"Here," my dad said, holding up his camera.
"Say ho, ho, ho."
Click, he took a picture.
"Dad, I think we should go," I said.
But my dad ignored me.
He put a surfing Santa next to the creature.
"All right, say ho, ho, ho."
Walter didn't move.
He didn't make a sound, not even a peep.
Wet, thick drool came out of his mouth.
"Ho, ho, ho," my dad instructed.
Walter snarled.
No, ho, ho.
Suddenly, Walter grabbed the surfboard
from the surfing Santa and swung it at my dad's head.
(woman screaming) Cutting it clean off.
His head landed in my mom's hands.
She screamed. (woman screaming)
I felt my legs start to give.
I turned to the group next to us.
"Whoa, cool special effects," one of them said.
I tried to open my mouth, but I couldn't speak.
My dad's body was on the ground.
My mom looked up, as Walter spat blood
all over her face. (woman screaming)
The group cheered. (group laughing)
"This isn't funny," I yelled.
"This isn't a joke.
"Stop that thing!"
They cheered more, pulling out their phones
to take pictures.
Walter grabbed one of the driftwood trees
and swung it at my mom, (woman screaming)
striking her in the head. (squelching)
She went down like a sack of rocks.
(man laughing) "Stop, it's attacking her!"
The people just stood there, taking pictures.
(camera shutter snapping)
I watched in horror, as he lifted my mom in the air,
and swallowed her whole,
crunching its teeth down to make her body fit.
And then she was gone.
I couldn't believe it.
I turned to the crowd.
"Get out of here, go, run!"
They just clapped. (group clapping)
I had to warn everyone.
I ran past them, yelling down the street.
Behind me, one of the guys said,
"This is dope.
"So what did you use?
"Corn syrup or--"
The creature swiped its claws at him,
cutting his chest open.
He looked down.
"Does this latte have CBD in it?
"Because I am not feeling too good."
The thing jumped forward and bit his neck in half.
(squelching) I stopped looking back.
I waved to these two guys on a bench.
"This thing is coming for us.
"Get out of here, run!"
They looked up and saw Walter, chomping on a leg.
"Oh," one of them said.
"This is for that one movie, right?"
A wreath dropped around his shoulders,
strung with Christmas lights.
Walter pulled the person off the bench towards him,
unhinging his jaw, starting to swallow him.
"I don't think this is for that movie, Todd!"
(squelching) But it was too late.
The thing stood up and spat out a piece of coal.
(growling) "You have to get out of here!"
I yelled, but he just stood there, stunned.
"I don't think it's for the movie," he muttered.
The wreath lassoed him as well.
I couldn't watch. (squelching)
I had to go.
I ran past a shopper, who already had her phone
in her hand.
"Listen to me, there's this monster coming after us.
"You have to get out of here, you have to go.
"Go!"
Walter was running up the street to us.
"Okay, let me call a car real quick.
"Ugh, it's surge pricing.
"Should we do a shared line?
"I hate talking to strangers."
She got hit by a present the creature was using
like a mace on a chain with the Christmas lights.
She looked up at me, but she didn't look worried.
She looked amused.
"Oh my God, this is like one of those immersive experiences.
"Smile!"
I pointed at her phone.
"Call 911, call the police, call an ambulance,
"call someone, anyone?"
Walter leapt through the air,
and landed right in front of us.
(creature growling)
She held out her phone
(camera snapping) and snapped a picture.
"Is there a hashtag for this?"
Walter leaned down and bit off her arm.
I ran, I ran so fast, I thought my lungs
were going to explode.
I ran past three kids on hoverboards.
Good, I thought.
They're already on the move.
I waved to them, but before I could say anything,
the creature rode past me on one of those Rudolph bikes,
and grabbed the kids, and threw them into his mouth.
I screamed and ran down an alley.
I stopped.
I needed to catch my breath, I need to think of a plan.
I needed to, I looked down, and saw that I was standing
in a circle of Christmas lights.
They jerked and tightened around my ankles, pulling me.
In the street, Walter was yanking on the lights, laughing.
I grabbed the nearest gutter pipe, and held on.
"Let go!" I screamed.
"Let me go!"
He pulled harder, and my hands came loose.
I dragged against the ground towards him.
He stood over me, snarling, as he opened his mouth.
I was too tired to run.
I hated this stupid place.
I hated all these people.
I hated all this stupid stuff.
And man, I hate Christmas.
(eerie Christmas music)