(music)
- What was one thing you never would have done
if it wasn't for me?
- Married an American.
- No, honestly I think we talk about this, but like,
that's the jovial answer, because I never really,
there was nothing that was, um..
pulling me towards America there never has been.
I was always more like Australia, New Zealand, if anything.
- Yeah.
- Even like traveling wise, I love to travel,
but there was nothing that I was like,
'oh I want to go to America to do that' kind of thing.
That's something that I don't think I could have got,
unless I met you, you know ? - Yeah.
So I'm grateful for that, even if I am joking, you know.
What do you think is a potential source of conflict
for us in the future and how can we better prepare for it?
- I think our family, um..
in the sense of..
Me wanting to maybe stay in America, and you potentially
maybe wanting to go to Scotland and living there,
and the pulls that we will have from both sides
of our families to do such said things
and the way in which we will conversate about it
and try to figure out,
I don't think conversate's a word, but, you know
- No no, converse.
- Yeah, converse about, um, the two options,
is going to be, I think, what might catch us,
and keep us safe, you know, make sure that we are kind
to each other, and kind about the facts,
about whether which side and this side,
because I think we also know that, you know, once,
we won't really worry about the,
the two countries until we really anchor down,
like maybe even think about kids or something, you know
blah, blah, blah, blah.
But yeah, I'm a little nervous when we get to that point,
'cause right now I convinced you to hop over here
for a minute, and I'm really enjoying making the life
that we made in America,
and especially in San Francisco, so
- Yeah.
So just, I wasn't actually going to bring that one.
I didn't think that would be the one.
- What would you have said ? - I was like one step
before that, which is like our careers.
- Oh yeah.
- And I think like when I get into my..
like figuring out career wise,
I think that that brings a lot of stress
to our relationship.
I feel that that's like the conflict that can be had,
whether it's out of fear that I'm being
paid, or valued or..
- Because you love to work.
- Yeah, oh aye , yeah, well.. no I say 'love to work'
Like when I, when I do something it has to be 120, you know?
- Yeah.
- And that comes as a consequence to us quite often,
so then that was the first complaint.
- Yeah.
- That second complaint.
- You see it.
We'll figure it out, we'll cross that
bridge when we get there.
- I see it, I just don't know, like even
where to start with that one, honestly.
I think that will be very driven with
I think both our families are already
finding it difficult, us being on the west coast.
- Yeah, 'cause whenever..
- They're both like hours away, um..
maybe my family more so, in terms of like distance, but..
- By plane, for sure.
- By plane, but then even when you break it down
like cost-wise kind of can sometimes equate
to the same, you know, from time and..
- And also realizing the American work schedule is not
like the way it is in the UK.
- Yeah
- So that restricts being even to think about
traveling back home.
- Right, right I think, I mean,
just with the good news that we had last week with
the new journey that America could be going on to
- Right.
- I think that definitely makes that conflict
even more difficult, I think it was definitely
a little bit more one-sided honestly
- Yeah, no ,honestly
- If this country had gone the other way.
- Yeah, for sure.
But it's still, it makes it awkward,
and I feel slightly unresolved at the fact that how many
of my fellow brothers and sisters
didn't vote to protect the true American dream, you know
the one that we have yet to ever touch,
where anything's possible for anyone, you know,
when it comes to this country.
So that's still a little troubling, you know
and I think that will go to our decision-making
when the time comes to make that decision
on where we're going to live, but..
- Yeah.
- Um, yeah.
- How do our different upbringings affect our relationship,
and why do you think that is ?
- We've got very Polar upbringings, um..
I came from a very close family,
a very close knit family.
I think you also come from a very close-knit family.
And I just think, I think our families have given us
really strong values and roots
um... and love.
- Yeah.
- And I think our.. almost like not opposites, but, um,
just the differences that's allowed us to bring
the best of both worlds
- Absolutely.
- blend some into some.. in a new evolved, um
legacy, to continue -Household, Yeah
- The next generation legacy, gay edition.
- And I think I would love to acknowledge
your family as well in that.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- I think, yeah.
- For sure.
- I want it's, it's just a new evolved,
it's not like a C thing, it's a..
It's, it's an us, and us in the collective, you know?
- Yeah.
- I can't wait for that day.
Yeah.
- What are you hesitant to tell me?
- Um...
Hoo !
Maybe just how tough this year has been.
- Yeah.
- And..
I'm being so far away from like my family, um..
has made it feel as though, like I perhaps
have no one to talk to, or can really..
be fully open with about how I've been going,
especially from like a mental health point of view.
And I think it's just because I'm protecting you,
like you protect me, um..
I think you probably know that that's the case,
and you know that I'm quite a..
closed book when it comes to the,
like the deeper feelings with me,
and that's just always how I have been,
given everything that's gone in my life, and
I think especially, especially this year,
I almost feel it's..
like my, um... feelings aren't as..
or my life is so less of a worry than yours,
this year in particular, especially with like,
everything going on with Black lives matter movement.
I can't even.
- Yeah
- I can resonate so much with you, and we've had, like
extremely deep conversations, that have broke down walls
between our own relationship,
has allowed us to grow, which I'm really grateful for, but
I think it's definitely meant that I've had to
kind of keep things even closer to.. closer in.
- Yeah
- 'Cause it doesn't feel, like, right to discuss, yeah.
That's probably the most.
- Yeah, I feel you.
- Yeah, I know you do.
- Is that a bowl?
- What was our hardest time as a couple
and what did we do to overcome it?
- Wow. That's a little bit of a multi-faceted one,
especially 'cause I feel like we go through cycles, and
only recently have I found that that's what we do
and I'm grateful for that because it's like a destruction
and this like rebirth into something that's great.
But I think we can both resonate in 2019, last year
the beginning of so was rough on our relationship,
and the fact that we got married so young,
we committed to each other so young, exclusively, you know,
really made it difficult to continue to
make that promise to each other just out of curiosity sake,
you know, and things like that.
- Do you mean the build from being married?
- Yeah. Yeah. In 2019, I think it showed that there was..
- Ohh , right, yeah yeah.
- Yeah, um..
And then we hit, you know even a worse
situation with each other, not necessarily
against each other, but it felt like the world was
against us and that didn't feel good,
with your visa situation and, you know
and black lives matter and all that kind of stuff.
- And the pandemic.
- And the pandemic, um..
it just seemed..
being in love was, you know..
way more difficult than it had - it should have been
at that moment for us, just trying to do that.
I think that really was what God gave us the strength to
continue to be unconditionally loving to each other.
- Right.
And then continue on with our marriage,
and that was pretty cool, especially 'cause from
that moment on, I think you and I kind of
had this really powerful understanding of like
we're not going anywhere ever anytime soon,
for any reason necessary.
And how that awkward and loving phrase
'the truth will set you free.'
That truth will set you free, so.
- Yeah, no definitely.
I've got nothing to add to that one.
- Ooh, where'd you guys.. ah gosh.
where'd you see us in 10 years?
- Oh man.
A house full of five kids and, uh
- FIVE ?! - No ! I'm kidding.
Um, 10 years, to be honest, I
I see us being really happy
and that's the one thing I can hold,
because like you said the 2020..
really blew it away for me, and what I , you know
the beginning of 2020 if you go to ask that same question,
I would've told you to the minute detail exactly
what we will be having right now with my new job,
and with your getting a new job and settling in that,
this and that
'cause now we got to the place where we can't even think,
you know, 'Hey I want to work for this company',
but just blindly, you know, now we're looking on
what they're doing with their monies, and
- Their values -How is this affecting and their values.
And even though this is the job that I need to have,
in order to have the lifestyle that I would like to have,
I would rather forsake the lifestyle,
So then that way I can pursue more clean happiness
in our lives, and I think that's something we have just
gotten into fairly recently.
And while it's liberating, it's also quite a burden
because we live in a society where if you get yours
and you worry about getting yours and for your people
you know, your immediate people.
And if it hurts anyone else in the meantime,
Oh well that's life, and we don't want to
live that life anymore.
'Cause that doesn't feed our happiness.
So it's kind of a very detailed question for something
that feels a little bit..
- Yeah.
- Uh..
Distant, not distant, but cause I I'm happy.
- Intangible, I think.
- Intangible, yeah It's intangible is the word
I was looking for.
- Yeah.
- That's why I love us because we're on the same
wave length now, and we're on the same journey,
and I think we can really pull people along with us.
And I'm excited about that.