Jewish Traditions for Couples Before their Wedding
A whole bunch of traditions are built into Jewish weddings
standing under a chuppah, signing a ketubah,
Breaking a Glass, Dancing the Horah,
Petting the goat.
But the fun starts well in advance!
Jewish customs and traditions are abundant to help you deepen and clarify
what you and your finance are creating together.
Some ideas to consider:
You’re engaged?
Have someone throw you a l’chaim!
That’s just a party where people toast you, and say l’chaim!
There’s a tradition, called tena’im,
for the families of the newly engaged couple to officially seal the deal,
and mark it by smashing a plate together.
It makes everything more concrete!
Find someone to perform the wedding ceremony.
You don’t have to work with clergy like a rabbi or cantor,
but one of the bonuses is their special training –
they have a lot to offer - guiding you through what your ceremony might
look like, and demystifying things you may not have heard
of.
Another rabbi bonus is premarital counseling.
It’s a time to talk, not just about the wedding,
but about the marriage.
communication!
Children!
Intimacy!
Future Home!
In-Laws!
You can connect with a rabbi or other officiants
at a local synagogue, through friends, or of course, online.
Be patient, don’t get discouraged - you will find the right officiant for you.
On the Shabbat before the wedding, some Ashkenazi grooms and brides are called
up to the Torah at a synagogue.
This is called an aufruf.
In Sephardic circles, usually grooms read from the Torah the week
after the wedding, at a Shabbat Chatan.
Sephardi communities have a tradition before the wedding of painting brides’ hands
with henna, with beautiful designs of protection.
Many people visit a ritual bath, or mikveh, a few days before their wedding...
separately.
In Sephardi communities, female friends and relatives accompany brides
to the mikvah for a celebration.
Many couples avoid seeing each other before the wedding –
and a shomer, or guard can help.
Enlist a friend as a shomer - even just one day and night apart
makes for meaningful reflective time.