(gunshot) Palomo: Missed...
(gunshot)
Missed...
(gunshot)
Missed...
Bitters: Palomo, I know when I miss.
(gunshot)
Palomo: Are you missing on purpose?
Bitters: Alright, that's it!
(Sounds of Bitters beating up Palomo)
Palomo: IT WAS A LEGITIMATE QUESTION! Bitters: Am I missing now?!
Jensen: *sigh*
Smith: Well...I spoke with Kimball...
Search and rescue has been denied...
Bitters: Yeah, well, good riddance.
They never cared about us anyway.
Jensen: How could you say that?
They left because they didn't want us getting hurt.
Bitters: Yeah, what would you call this?
They didn't take us to get shot but they sure as hell left us to die!
Jensen: W-we don't know that...
they could come back.
Smith: Their message didn't exactly specify.
Palomo: They'll come back.
I KNOW they'll come back
(gunshot)
Bitters: Nice shot
Palomo: Wasn't me.
Felix: You shouldn't be so hard on the guys.
They did what they thought was best.
Can't fault 'em for that.
Still.
I'm going to beat the living shit out of those four when I find them.
Smith: When you find them?
Felix: Tell Kimball I'm buying back one of the warthogs I sold her.
Jensen: But Felix! She said we weren't allowed to go after them!
It was a DIRECT ORDER.
Felix: Well orders only works on soldiers!
I am a mercenary.
Simmons: This is it.
According to our data, the federal army base is just on the other side of this wall.
Tucker: About time!
My ass was asleep for so long i though it slipped into a coma!
Grif: So we're here...now what?
Tucker: We bust our way in!
Anyone have any ideas?
Simmons: We could try scaling the wall.
Tucker: Ehh, that's a little too obvious,
think DUMBER.
Grif: We could knock on their door.
Tucker: TOO dumb.
Grif: I was joking.
Caboose: We could knock on their door.
Grif: I just said that!
Caboose: Yeeeah, but you were joking...
I felt the plan deserved more serious consideration.
Tucker: Hmmm....
how do you break into an evil ice fortress?
Caboose: You melt it!
Like evil ice cream!
Tucker: Holy. Shit.
We MELT our way in!
Caboose: Wha- Wai- Rea- YES! I WIN!
Grif: WHAT.
Tucker: We can't go through the wall, and going over is what most people would do
so lets just go UNDER it.
Grif: That's retarded.
Tucker: EXACTLY!
Damn...
I never thought I'd say this,
I mean, EVER,
seriously,
but...good job Caboose!
Caboose: Yeah well i'm just really glad someone appreciates my genius...
now lets start MELTING!
*haaaah*
*inhale*
*haaaaah*
Tucker: Caboose you're wearing a helmet
that is not doing anything
Caboose: Okay well fine, then how do you explain my sudden light-headed
...nesss...
Tucker: what about friction?
All the ladies tell me I light a fire between their legs.
Grif: That’s chlamydia.
SImmons: Friction won’t work. It’s gotta be negative forty degrees Celsius out here.
That’s negative forty degrees Fahrenheit.
Tucker: Jesus, that's cold! Grif: That’s freezing!
Simmons: You people are idiots.
Grif: Well say it in American next time.
Tucker: Oh! I've got it!
STAB!
Simmons: Is it working?
Grif: Aah! *THUD*
Simmons: Ahh, it worked!
Grif: Where are we?!
Unnamed voice: Hey! What was that noise?
Tucker: Oh shit, we’re inside!
Caboose: I think bad guys are coming!
Simmons: What do we do? What do we do?!
Tucker: I don’t know! I didn't think this far ahead!
Simmons: Damn it! This is why winging it is a bad idea! No more winging it!
Voice: I swear, I heard something just around the corner.
Grif: Let’s get out of here!
Tucker: There could be more guards! We’ll be caught!
Simmons: Well we gotta do something!
Voice: Just a few more feet and I’ll be there.
Caboose: Tucker!
Voice: What the--?
Huh.
Well would you look at that, just a couple of harmless snowmen.
You guys wouldn’t happen to be the ones making all that racket now, would ya? Heh heh....
Well, time for some target practice
But
why, snowman?
*blergh*
Tucker: I cannot believe that worked.
Grif: Uh, you're welcome.
Tucker: How did you do that?
Grif: I used the same trick to hide from Sarge all the time back in Blood Gulch.
Tucker: You constructed, and then hid inside of...a snowman.
In the middle of a hot canyon
Simmons: Hey Sarge! I found him!
Grif: It wasn't always a perfect plan.
Simmons: According to our intel
there’s not much standing between the end of this tunnel and the detention facility.
Tucker: That’s awesome.
Simmons: No
I mean, there’s literally NOTHING between us.
We'll be spotted as soon as we leave the tunnel.
Tucker: I don’t know, doesn't look like anyone's around to me.
*Air horn*
Announcement: Alright, lunch break's over. Back to your stations, people.
Soldier: Come on maggots, get the lead out! Move! Move! Move!
Soldiers: Hut hut hut hut hut...
Soldier: Woo! Brand new tank, coming in! This will kill ANY intruders for sure!
Tucker: I hate my stupid mouth.
Grif: I hate it more.
Simmons: How are we gonna sneak past that?
Tucker: We're not.
Grif: Glad to hear you’re finally making sense, Tucker.
Let’s go home. Good effort everybody!
We came, we saw, we realized it was impossible.
no shame in that.
Grif: Can’t help but realize we haven't left yet.
Tucker: We can’t sneak past those guys
so instead, we're gonna make as much noise as possible.
If we can cause enough trouble somewhere else
we can draw them away from the prison!
What do you guys think?
Simmons: Well, it fits with the dumb ideas theme.
Tucker: I think here if we fuck up these important looking pipes and then haul ass
we can make it into the building!
Grif: Ugh, we have to run?
Tucker: We have to try.
Worst case scenario,
we end up in jail with everyone else and just wait for this whole civil war thing to blow over.
Simmons: I think worst case scenario is getting shot.
Or Grif getting shot and we have to carry him.
There’s only three of us.
Tucker: Fuck it.
Caboose, do your thing.
Caboose: Time to cleAN THE PIPES!
*Alarm*
Announcement: Alert. Catastrophic breach detected in sewage pipeline. Sector 3.
Soldier: *Scoff* Sucks to be maintenance.
Announcement: Warning. Sewage breach detected in the barracks.
Soldiers: Oh shit! My stuff! Noooo!
Tucker: Now’s our chance, run!
Simmons: Here goes nothing!
Caboose: Let's race!
Grif: Uh Urghhh.
Soldier: Come on guys, gotta save our shit!
From the SHIT!
*Distressed soldiers yelling*
Soldier: Jesus Christ! Last night was TACO NIGHT!
Caboose: Yeah, first place!
Grif: *Heavy breathing* Oh my god... I’m gonna die.
I hope...I die.
Tucker: Simmons, do something about this door!
Simmons: What do you mean?
Tucker: It’s locked. Hack the door controls or something!
Simmons: What makes you think I can just hack a door?
Tucker: You're the smart one!
All you're good for is hacking things, and making me look more handsome in comparison!
Simmons: I don't have any intel! I don't have any tools! I-I-I can’t just do it, I need time!
Grif: We don’t have time, genius! Just pretend like it’s a timed math test or something!
Simmons: I don’t work well under pressure!
You know that!
Tucker: Oh shit…
Wash: Tucker?
Tucker: Wash?
Sarge: What in sam hell are you boys doing here?
Simmons: We came to save you!
Donut: But, we were supposed to save YOU!
Caboose: BUM BUM Buuummmm……
CLIFFHANGER!
Caboose: Where am I?
Oh well that looks nice!
OH. MY. GOD!
A GIANT PERSON!