>>OH, WELL I'LL MAKE SURE TO PUT 400 ON THE JOHNSON
ACCOUNT ALL RIGHT?
>>SOUNDS GOOD.
>>GOOD.
>>GOOD TO SEE YOU.
MALLORY.
HEY!
HOW'S MY FAVORITE COUSIN?
>>HI.
>>WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>>OH, I'M JUST WAITING FOR MY BLIND DATE.
>>NICE, IS HE HOT?
>>I DON'T KNOW.
HONESTLY, I DON'T REALLY CARE.
YOU KNOW I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL.
>>REALLY?
SO, PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL TO YOU?
>>NOT TO ME.
I JUST CARE IF HE'S SENSITIVE AND CARING.
IT'S A PROVEN FACT THE UGLIER THE MAN THE
BETTER HIS PERSONALITY.
>>HELLO.
YOU MUST BE MALLORY.
>>NOPE.
>>[CLEARS THROAT]
>>--IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID
IF THAT WERE NOT MY NAME, BUT I AM THE NAME
WHICH YOU SPEAK.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
>>GOTHMOG.
>>IS THAT A FAMILY NAME?
>>NO, I DON'T HAVE A FAMILY.
I WAS SPAWNED FROM THE GROUND BY AN DARK WIZARD.
>>COOLIO.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT GOTHMOG?
>>THANK YOU.
>>WELL, I WILL BE ON MY WAY TO THE DESSERT MENU.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
>>SAVE ME.
>>FROM WHAT?
YOUR SOUL MATE?
>>HE IS NOT MY SOUL MATE.
UNLESS MY SOUL LOOKS LIKE THE INSIDE OF A YACK.
>>SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE JUDGING HIM BASED ON HIS APPEARANCE.
DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY--?
>>I KNOW WHAT I SAID.
AND I KNOW THAT BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP,
BUT THAT UGLY GOES DOWN TO HIS CRIPPLED BONES.
>>DID YOU JUST SAY CRIPPLED BONES?
I'M SORRY. I AM REALLY STRESSED OUT, OKAY.
BUT HE HAS GOT TO BE EVIL RIGHT?
I MEAN, HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO ORDER A HOBBIT.
>>CAN I GET A VEGAN MENU PLEASE?
>>I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THAT.
>>THANK YOU.
>>UH, SO, GOTHMOG, WHAT'S THE PLAN
FOR AFTER DINNER?
>>WE WILL SATIATE MY UNQUENCHABLE THIRST--
>>FOR BLOOD?
>>NO, FOR SERVICE.
>>FOR SERVICE BLOOD?
>>NO, JUST SERVICE AT A SOUP KITCHEN.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
>>SHE'S AN ONLY CHILD.
>>OH.
>>I'M NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.
THERE IS NO ONE ALIVE WHO WOULD DATE THIS MAN.
>>GOTHMOG?
TAKE ME BACK I BEG YOU.
>>I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU BUT I NEEDED MORE OF AN
EMOTIONAL CONNECTION.
I CAN'T JUST BE YOUR ARM CANDY THAT YOU PRANCE AROUND
LIKE A BEAUTIFUL SHOW PONY.
>>I WAS A FOOL GOTHMOG.
>>YOU KNOW I ONLY KISS IF I'M IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.
>>I NEVER DESERVED YOU.
>>GO.
>>THIS SEAT IS AVAILABLE AND I DON'T REQUIRE AN
EMOTIONAL CONNECTION.
>>OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, WHAT?
AND SECOND, YEAH, HE'S GREAT,
BUT MY DAD HATES ORGANIC FOOD-EATERS AND ORCS.
>>ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
>>DAD?
>>NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME MORE PROUD THAN TO
CALL GOTHMOG MY SON.
>>DAD, WHY ARE YOU HERE?
>>DO NOT BLOW THIS MALLORY.
YOU WILL NEVER DO BETTER THAN GOTHMOG.
>>DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID.
>>MARRY HIM.
AND MAY YOUR CHILDREN HAVE THE PERSONALITY OF GOTHMOG AND
THE LOOKS OF ALSO GOTHMOG.
>>WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE NOW?
>>OKAY, LOOK, I'M NOT SHALLOW.
OKAY?
I'M A GOOD PERSON.
>>WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SEE ME SHOOT A DWARF KID WITH AN ARROW?
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY'RE UGLY INSTEAD OF HOT LIKE ME.
>>OH BOO!
>>COME ON GUYS!
IT'S LEGOLAS!
HIS HAIR IS LIKE BETTER THAN MINE.
>>A RED SUN RISES.
>>GOTHMOG, LET ME ADOPT YOU.
PLEASE?