Dorky CNN-style news jingle plays
Goood morning Silas University, and welcome to the Silas News Network
Broadcasting live to the entire campus
My intrepid team and I will be giving you the stories you need to survive your day
Let's bring up the map!
Currently, the Summer Society occupies the North of the campus, the Zetas occupy the northwest stretch
and the alchemy club is here in the south
we have reports of an exploding fungal conflict along the Alchemy/Zeta line so you'll want to avoid that as you go to classes
Also you'll want to avoid the Anglerfish crater as it is unsafe due to earthquake aftermath
and the fact that the set of the Silas Drama Club musical Antigone: Zombie Vengeance is protruding from one of the walls
Also, please stop throwing cherry bombs at the fish. It's all fun and games until a primordial monster gets loose and devours us all
New Jingle Happens Again, Laura is a Dork - Pass It On
And now, today's top story. Last night, the kids at the Voice of Silas were gruesomely mur-
Sorry but students on the South Lawn are being carried away by -
Harpies?! We have harpies?!
If you're crossing the South Lawn, you will want to stay close to cover as we seem to have a slight chance of...harpies.
flaming arrows at the Summer/Zeta border!
side effects of psychotropic fog?
gamma-irradiated geckos?
gas leak over by the Milgram re -
localized rain of spiders.
This is not working.
How are we supposed to investigate anything if they won't stop going all War of the Five Kings out there?
thank you
How did the newspaper kids handle all of this?
they got themselves brutally murdered.
Uh...
Carm, maybe let's ixnay on the urderedmay? She found them dead.
Yes. Dead. For doing the exact job that you've now decided to do.
Look.
You have every right to be cranky. I should asked before I turned our apartment into a newsroom, but -
The campus needs our help. I can't just walk away again. That wouldn't be me.
And maybe, deep down, that's kinda what you like about me, isn't it?
you're killing me, Hollis.
Yeeeah, but you were already dead.
Now. We just have to figure out how to calm things down before we can solve the murders.
and who do we know stupid enough to stand between two angry frat-armies with more weaponry than IQ points?
The brothers of Zeta Omega Mu have a long and illustrious history, and we intend to reclaim our place - [Mel Laughs]
Yeah, cause that vampire you pledged in last semester was real illustrious -
Mel, they really didn't know -
Don't bother.
Everyone knows this whole Zeta peace accord is just you making your bid for prez next year -
Look: the fact that an undead fiend masqueraded around as one of our pledges -
[mocking his accent] proves my point about your complete lack of moral fiber?
Hey! Will was an okay bro until he started kidnapping people -
[everyone else to Kirsch] You're an imbecile / Shut Up, Wilson
Okay guys, maybe we could just -
[all at once] And don't even start on the whole "Sleep with a Summer" challenge! / We aren't the ones who shot flaming arrows into a Fraternity house / Hey! D-Bear - you think this would maybe go better with beer? That is not my name, Kirsch!
[Laura blows a whistle]
Samuel David Ellis.
Corinna Scott
Nazneen Ramanujan
Do you know who these people are?
They are three of the people who are cleaning up my mess.
The people got who got themselves murdered while you guys were busy playing petty warlords.
And we haven't been able to figure out what happened to them, because you guys won't stop fighting long enough for us to catch our breath.
Hey - we saved this campus from -
NOOO! You didn't. Do you know who did?
[points to Carmilla behind Theo] SHE did.
Carm is the one who very nearly sacrificed her life -
Death -
Undeath - whatever -
[at loss for words] ...saving us all from ending up as fish food
So the very least that you could do is start pretending like you survived puberty! Am I making myself clear?!
...can you at least agree to stop trying to pulp each other until after we've solved the newspaper murders? [Sighs]
Well, what happens if it turns out that somebody here was responsible?
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